What can I expect?
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My husband was arrested last July, eight months ago, for possesing and distributing a number of indecent images, he was questined and released under investigation with no restrictions. The time since then has been an ongoing nightmare. We have heard nothing from the police, his solicitor has tried to find out a time frame for what will happen next, but nothing. They just say he is a low priority case.
Some of my family know, I made sure he told them, as does his. Just one couple amongst our friends do, I find the secrecy, not being able to talk about it unberable, but its not the sort of thing you can tell everyone, unless you have to.
I am afraid of being judged by others for staying with him, but at my age, late fifties, I feel my options are limited, I think I do not want to leave him most of the time, but others I just want to get out. I feel our marriage, which has been happy (no children though) is a lie, how could he betray me like this? I look at him and think I do not know him. he had a traumatic childhood, which while it might explain what he did does not excuse it. I just do not know what to do, or what I can expect now. How long before the police will interview him again, if they will? How long before he is charged? appears in court? How public does it all get? What is the usual reaction of friends? I feel so alone with all this. Any help will be appreciated.
Some of my family know, I made sure he told them, as does his. Just one couple amongst our friends do, I find the secrecy, not being able to talk about it unberable, but its not the sort of thing you can tell everyone, unless you have to.
I am afraid of being judged by others for staying with him, but at my age, late fifties, I feel my options are limited, I think I do not want to leave him most of the time, but others I just want to get out. I feel our marriage, which has been happy (no children though) is a lie, how could he betray me like this? I look at him and think I do not know him. he had a traumatic childhood, which while it might explain what he did does not excuse it. I just do not know what to do, or what I can expect now. How long before the police will interview him again, if they will? How long before he is charged? appears in court? How public does it all get? What is the usual reaction of friends? I feel so alone with all this. Any help will be appreciated.
With regard to your feelings about your marriage, from reading the posts of others (and my own feelings) it is pretty normal.
The OIC for my husband said that cases take around a year if not more. But this really varies.
the secrecy is horrible; but I would advise it as we only told those we thought would be supportive, but this was not the case.
if you sign up for the inform course with LFF you will be in a group with others in your position and it takes you through all the elements surrounding these offences.
there are also many lovely and wise women (and men) on this forum who always have such helpful suggestions and they have kept me sane these last few months.
sorry for all you're going through
xx
The OIC for my husband said that cases take around a year if not more. But this really varies.
the secrecy is horrible; but I would advise it as we only told those we thought would be supportive, but this was not the case.
if you sign up for the inform course with LFF you will be in a group with others in your position and it takes you through all the elements surrounding these offences.
there are also many lovely and wise women (and men) on this forum who always have such helpful suggestions and they have kept me sane these last few months.
sorry for all you're going through
xx
So sorry you are in this situation, it can be described as nothing but traumatic. It's also a very lonely place to be as you are limited to whom you can open up to. We are here for you., we understand.
My son is the offender in my case, I am slightly older than yourself so know how hard it is to cope with - at a stage in life when we should hope to feel 'settled', now having to cope with this horror.
im sure your husband does love you. I don't know how or why my son did what he did, perhaps he himself doesn't know. But I'm convinced he never meant to hurt us or did he realise his choices would change/devastate all our lives.
Not a lot to offer in practical terms I'm afraid, but I know exactly how you feel and my thoughts are with you x
My son is the offender in my case, I am slightly older than yourself so know how hard it is to cope with - at a stage in life when we should hope to feel 'settled', now having to cope with this horror.
im sure your husband does love you. I don't know how or why my son did what he did, perhaps he himself doesn't know. But I'm convinced he never meant to hurt us or did he realise his choices would change/devastate all our lives.
Not a lot to offer in practical terms I'm afraid, but I know exactly how you feel and my thoughts are with you x
@pink Rose Our time scales are identical, my husband was also arrested July 2022 for making /distributing indecent images on kik messenger and since been released under investigation.
We have two small children.
We haven't heard anything back yet.
I wish you all the best, stay strong and let's keep each other updated on this forum.
Take care xx
We have two small children.
We haven't heard anything back yet.
I wish you all the best, stay strong and let's keep each other updated on this forum.
Take care xx
I think this is so different and up to where you live as my OH get the knock in September 2021 we have a little boy and still didn't hear nothing since than....
Big hugs for you all x
Big hugs for you all x
Sorry this is late, but thanks to all that replied. It's hard, so hard, thank you ladies for taking the time to respond.