My first post. Not sure where to start .I've been reading the forum. It's mostly husbands and partners I see mentioned. Which I understand and think you are all amazing people to come through this and be so supportive here.
My son received the knock last Friday. I had a call from the police to say he was in custody and he spoke to me briefly but couldn't bring himself to tell me. We then had to wait all day to hear and amongst the worry was joking about what's the worst it could be. Well it was the worst we had speculated on in the end. Downloading child porn. I don't know how bad because I fact bring myself to ask yet. They brought him here as he was deemed a suicide risk. Our heads are all over the place. Our health is affected especially as I have a major health condition. He hasn't been charged yet but when I asked basic questions he said it had been going on for years and yes the images were bad. Police were very kind to us and even to him especially when they learned he has autism (he's high functioning, lives alone and has a job. For now). We've been told it will take about 5 months to investigate.
Husband and I are all over the place. Took son back home yesterday after he'd seen his gp. I'm in regular text contact to make sure he's OK. We parted in tears and I told him I love him. Eventually i have to tell our daughter. I've seen our gp to get us flagged up on the system so that I can access support quickly for her if she needs it..
Fearful of the backlash. We live where everyone knows everyone or at least someone who knows someone else if that makes sense. I'm avoiding some people. I can't be normal as little things set me crying.
I'm mourning the innocent little boy who turned into this man. I grew up in an abusive home. I tried so hard to protect my kids from that. I didn't know others needed protecting from my child
My son received the knock last Friday. I had a call from the police to say he was in custody and he spoke to me briefly but couldn't bring himself to tell me. We then had to wait all day to hear and amongst the worry was joking about what's the worst it could be. Well it was the worst we had speculated on in the end. Downloading child porn. I don't know how bad because I fact bring myself to ask yet. They brought him here as he was deemed a suicide risk. Our heads are all over the place. Our health is affected especially as I have a major health condition. He hasn't been charged yet but when I asked basic questions he said it had been going on for years and yes the images were bad. Police were very kind to us and even to him especially when they learned he has autism (he's high functioning, lives alone and has a job. For now). We've been told it will take about 5 months to investigate.
Husband and I are all over the place. Took son back home yesterday after he'd seen his gp. I'm in regular text contact to make sure he's OK. We parted in tears and I told him I love him. Eventually i have to tell our daughter. I've seen our gp to get us flagged up on the system so that I can access support quickly for her if she needs it..
Fearful of the backlash. We live where everyone knows everyone or at least someone who knows someone else if that makes sense. I'm avoiding some people. I can't be normal as little things set me crying.
I'm mourning the innocent little boy who turned into this man. I grew up in an abusive home. I tried so hard to protect my kids from that. I didn't know others needed protecting from my child
Hi Mandy
we are in a similar position. Adult son arrested just under a year ago. He did not download or look at child abuse but he did communicate with a 14/15 year old. You will go through every emotion there is and more but as the months go by I promise you it will get better and easier. Best advice I can give you is to look after yourself and not just your son. It’s so unfair that innocent family members are going through this but you do get through it. X
we are in a similar position. Adult son arrested just under a year ago. He did not download or look at child abuse but he did communicate with a 14/15 year old. You will go through every emotion there is and more but as the months go by I promise you it will get better and easier. Best advice I can give you is to look after yourself and not just your son. It’s so unfair that innocent family members are going through this but you do get through it. X
Thank you nicenana
I hear you. It was my son too who has committed the offences and it has been just awful. I mean we bought them into this world, loved and raised them. My son was 19 when he was arrested and has been in custody since. I wanted to support him but don't know if I can forgive him. His birthday, christmas, family celebrations are especially hard.
I get what you are saying as I felt like I mourned losing the person I thought he was. I was a single parent, we did a lot together. I still struggle 15 months on to come to terms with it. Though the sentencing hearing was probably the worse part of the whole court process. I was going through a divorce at the same time, so in court over child arrangements for my youngest and seeing my eldest in court for this.
After the hearing I took 5 weeks off work for stress. I just wasn't coping. Things have got better in that I am functioning again and my social anxiety has eased. It is just a hard path we are given to walk.
Word of my son has hit local social media. So word has spread around his hometown, amongst his peers. People who are worth anything will see you as fellow humans and realise it could happen to them. I try to not latch onto the negativity and hate which comes from others.
I think we just learn to deal with it and just keep walking when things get particularly hellish.
Sending hugs. I am sure there are other mums out there walking a similar path.
I get what you are saying as I felt like I mourned losing the person I thought he was. I was a single parent, we did a lot together. I still struggle 15 months on to come to terms with it. Though the sentencing hearing was probably the worse part of the whole court process. I was going through a divorce at the same time, so in court over child arrangements for my youngest and seeing my eldest in court for this.
After the hearing I took 5 weeks off work for stress. I just wasn't coping. Things have got better in that I am functioning again and my social anxiety has eased. It is just a hard path we are given to walk.
Word of my son has hit local social media. So word has spread around his hometown, amongst his peers. People who are worth anything will see you as fellow humans and realise it could happen to them. I try to not latch onto the negativity and hate which comes from others.
I think we just learn to deal with it and just keep walking when things get particularly hellish.
Sending hugs. I am sure there are other mums out there walking a similar path.
Hi Mandy
Welcome to the club no one wants to be in!
You will find nothing but support and empathy on here and yes it is mainly partners or husband but there is also dad's, a lot of people's lives turned upside down and inside out.
I can't imagine how you are doing emotionally with your son, it must be your worse nightmare, I know with my husband I couldn't manage it, the lies, the fact he wasn't someone I knew it recognises even though I'd been with him for 15 years.
Glad you have been in touch with your GP, that's a really good start for your self help. You must look after yourself as much as you possibly can.
Keep coming on here and ring the helpline, they are brilliant
Take care xx
Welcome to the club no one wants to be in!
You will find nothing but support and empathy on here and yes it is mainly partners or husband but there is also dad's, a lot of people's lives turned upside down and inside out.
I can't imagine how you are doing emotionally with your son, it must be your worse nightmare, I know with my husband I couldn't manage it, the lies, the fact he wasn't someone I knew it recognises even though I'd been with him for 15 years.
Glad you have been in touch with your GP, that's a really good start for your self help. You must look after yourself as much as you possibly can.
Keep coming on here and ring the helpline, they are brilliant
Take care xx
congratulations with your first post :)
Remix is that really an appropriate response?
Sorry if I'm out of line but it just seems a strange thing to say?
Have you been receiving any support and help? I can't remember seeing your story in here but maybe I missed it
Sorry if I'm out of line but it just seems a strange thing to say?
Have you been receiving any support and help? I can't remember seeing your story in here but maybe I missed it
Just want to say hi to all you mums going through this with sons , I am too although my posts maybe well back by now but just 5o let you know we are here for each other
nicenana
I have just find out my adult son with a young baby has been commumicating with 14 year olds. I am strugglinh to understand why this has happened, I also need to support my dil.what was the outcone for your son.
I have just find out my adult son with a young baby has been commumicating with 14 year olds. I am strugglinh to understand why this has happened, I also need to support my dil.what was the outcone for your son.
Hi fatso
Im sorry to hear about your son. We are over a year in and our son is in prison as we speak. He was sentenced in February and sent to prison. Life has been very hard and stressful but we are coming to terms with it. I still cry a lot and think of where y son is multiple times a day but life has to go on. We have no option than to try and get on with it as best we can.
In our sons case it was perhaps easier because he has no children but our daughter had a toddler son. We have been warned the whole way through that he cannot be left unsupervised with the little one at any time when he comes home. We will abide by this to the rule simply because of the possible consequences of we don't.
Our son did not look at child abuse but he did do wrong. He willingly spoke with a girl underage who was quite happy to talk etc. Her parents stumbled upon it and called the police and now our son is in prison.
I can't offer much advice about your sons child but going on the posts on here social services will become involved and do assesments.
As for yourself, there is not a thought or emotion your feeling right now that I've not felt myself over the last year. It goes from disbelief to shock to anger to anxiety to where did I go wrong them a few.
Ive learned in the last year that I didn't go wrong. Our kids become adults and make their own choices and decisions. Please believe me the blame lies with your son just as it lies with my son. That said i love my son more than life itself and have stood by him shoulder to shoulder since this happened.
The reality is you need to look after you. I did not do this and came a catswhiskets from having a full mental breakdown. Support your son all the way but please please look after yourself along the way.
i joined mumsnet and would chat there but it somehow won't allow me in now so maybe I'll try to make up another thing on it and we could private message.
I don't know where you are in the country but I'm in Scotland so the process of court could differ a lot. My sons case case took from July to April from start to finish.
im not sure I've been much help but just know we are all in the same boat whether it's communication or images offence. The emotion and turmoil felt by everyone on this site is the exact same except some have commited a different offence x
Im sorry to hear about your son. We are over a year in and our son is in prison as we speak. He was sentenced in February and sent to prison. Life has been very hard and stressful but we are coming to terms with it. I still cry a lot and think of where y son is multiple times a day but life has to go on. We have no option than to try and get on with it as best we can.
In our sons case it was perhaps easier because he has no children but our daughter had a toddler son. We have been warned the whole way through that he cannot be left unsupervised with the little one at any time when he comes home. We will abide by this to the rule simply because of the possible consequences of we don't.
Our son did not look at child abuse but he did do wrong. He willingly spoke with a girl underage who was quite happy to talk etc. Her parents stumbled upon it and called the police and now our son is in prison.
I can't offer much advice about your sons child but going on the posts on here social services will become involved and do assesments.
As for yourself, there is not a thought or emotion your feeling right now that I've not felt myself over the last year. It goes from disbelief to shock to anger to anxiety to where did I go wrong them a few.
Ive learned in the last year that I didn't go wrong. Our kids become adults and make their own choices and decisions. Please believe me the blame lies with your son just as it lies with my son. That said i love my son more than life itself and have stood by him shoulder to shoulder since this happened.
The reality is you need to look after you. I did not do this and came a catswhiskets from having a full mental breakdown. Support your son all the way but please please look after yourself along the way.
i joined mumsnet and would chat there but it somehow won't allow me in now so maybe I'll try to make up another thing on it and we could private message.
I don't know where you are in the country but I'm in Scotland so the process of court could differ a lot. My sons case case took from July to April from start to finish.
im not sure I've been much help but just know we are all in the same boat whether it's communication or images offence. The emotion and turmoil felt by everyone on this site is the exact same except some have commited a different offence x