How to tell my 12 year old
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Three weeks ago we had the knock and my husband then unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide. He is in hospital and due out this week. Social services have agreed supervised contact twice a week. Our marriage is over (from my perspective) and we have to sell our house as my husband has lost his job. I just don't know where to start with telling my son. His whole world will implode at once with his dad not living with him, him being investigating, us splitting up and then moving house. And prison potentially. Where on earth do I start and where can I get ongoing advice on how to keep supporting him? We have amazing family support but my son adores his father. I can't believe he could hurt my son so much with his selfishness
Hi, I also have a similar-aged son and an older one. They were home alone when the police called round to tell me my husband had been arrested, so they knew from the beginning what was happening. They are both mature and level-headed and have coped remarkably well with all the changes in our lives. I did let their school know, and they have been amazing. They have counsellors in school, which the boys can access if they need to. It's important to be clear about what you want him to know. It needs to be age-appropriate, as it can be very confusing for kids. There is a charity Children Heard and Seen that helps children whose parent is in prison, they may have some advice. Also, call the StopItNow helpline. And have a read through this forum. There are some posts about telling children. To some extent, your son will look to you for how he responds to all the changes happening. Though it can be difficult when you feel like life as you know it has been completely upended, being calm will help him.
I am so sorry you find youself here, but you have come to the right place for support. Have you thought about ringing the charity Young Minds for help and guidance in how you tell your son? They also have lots of useful information on their website.
To make contact with the Stop it Now helpline would be good as well. They can support you and your son and probably have lots of places they can signpost you to.
Thinking of you
To make contact with the Stop it Now helpline would be good as well. They can support you and your son and probably have lots of places they can signpost you to.
Thinking of you
I am so sorry you find youself here, but you have come to the right place for support. Have you thought about ringing the charity Young Minds for help and guidance in how you tell your son? They also have lots of useful information on their website.
To make contact with the Stop it Now helpline would be good as well. They can support you and your son and probably have lots of places they can signpost you to.
Thinking of you
To make contact with the Stop it Now helpline would be good as well. They can support you and your son and probably have lots of places they can signpost you to.
Thinking of you
I have younger children who saw their dad taken away in their PJs
very limited contact since for many reason and custodial sentence
I have been briefed not to lie or ti decriminalise the offence.
thw charities are great.
We lost everything, house, and I had to move countries and give up my career.
but for me, I could never risk the children further. I didn't know what was happening in my own house!
Children are smart though. And much more resilient than us.
very limited contact since for many reason and custodial sentence
I have been briefed not to lie or ti decriminalise the offence.
thw charities are great.
We lost everything, house, and I had to move countries and give up my career.
but for me, I could never risk the children further. I didn't know what was happening in my own house!
Children are smart though. And much more resilient than us.
I had in a way the good fortune of having a non combative person, so I did things in small steps.
The knock was traumatic enough. My person was a stay at home parent, so in one moment things switch rapidly.
I didn't told my son about our marriage until things were calmer. So my husband kept having the visits, which SS agreed to increase to unlimited supervised, then once he finally had a conviction, work again with SS to grant unsupervised until they closed the case.
Now at least he can help with childcare whilst I go to work. He's now got a lorry licence, so hopefully soon he'll be able to get a job and support himself. We plan then to tell the kids about the split and for him to get a place closer.
We just had to do a massive pretense all over. Take it beyond slowly. Although we haven't told directly to the kids we're separated, they see we don't sleep in the same room, that he leaves to his parents house to sleep, and that I'm moving with things. Just slower than a snail pace.
I can't say for sure if this is working tbh. I am noticing a lot of anxiety in my eldest son lately but he's also going thru his SAT'S and many other things. Just taking it a day at a time and involving his dad in everything.
Hopefully your ex stops making everything about him and man up already. He really needs to be in your corner regardless of your marital status for this to work.
The knock was traumatic enough. My person was a stay at home parent, so in one moment things switch rapidly.
I didn't told my son about our marriage until things were calmer. So my husband kept having the visits, which SS agreed to increase to unlimited supervised, then once he finally had a conviction, work again with SS to grant unsupervised until they closed the case.
Now at least he can help with childcare whilst I go to work. He's now got a lorry licence, so hopefully soon he'll be able to get a job and support himself. We plan then to tell the kids about the split and for him to get a place closer.
We just had to do a massive pretense all over. Take it beyond slowly. Although we haven't told directly to the kids we're separated, they see we don't sleep in the same room, that he leaves to his parents house to sleep, and that I'm moving with things. Just slower than a snail pace.
I can't say for sure if this is working tbh. I am noticing a lot of anxiety in my eldest son lately but he's also going thru his SAT'S and many other things. Just taking it a day at a time and involving his dad in everything.
Hopefully your ex stops making everything about him and man up already. He really needs to be in your corner regardless of your marital status for this to work.