Sister in law stopped the whole family having contact
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Hello,
My brother is coming to the end of his sentence that he was jailed for.
He has an 8 year old daughter with his ex and has slowly been cutting me (his sister) and his mum off from having contact with the daughter. I decided to call her out on this behaviour and mentioned that all it is doing is harming the child and that she deserves better, she didn't take kindly to this and told us to keep away from the child. We don't have any contact with her apart from sending cards for birthdays and Christmas's.
It was her birthday recently so we sent cards as usual and the mother contacted the police to get them to tell us not to send cards any more. The police officer called us to pass the message on (this is another problem in itself as the police aren't really qualified to give advice like that when there's no legal grounds, the mother would need an injunction). The mother also updated her 8 year old daughter's WhatsApp family saying "I hate the *insert surname* family, why can't they just leave me alone". I know that my 8 year old niece did not write that status because her mother never gives her the cards we send because she throws them in the bin!
At this point I'm really worried about how my 8 year old niece is being isolated but I feel that there's nowhere I can turn to for help with it.
Thanks in advance!
My brother is coming to the end of his sentence that he was jailed for.
He has an 8 year old daughter with his ex and has slowly been cutting me (his sister) and his mum off from having contact with the daughter. I decided to call her out on this behaviour and mentioned that all it is doing is harming the child and that she deserves better, she didn't take kindly to this and told us to keep away from the child. We don't have any contact with her apart from sending cards for birthdays and Christmas's.
It was her birthday recently so we sent cards as usual and the mother contacted the police to get them to tell us not to send cards any more. The police officer called us to pass the message on (this is another problem in itself as the police aren't really qualified to give advice like that when there's no legal grounds, the mother would need an injunction). The mother also updated her 8 year old daughter's WhatsApp family saying "I hate the *insert surname* family, why can't they just leave me alone". I know that my 8 year old niece did not write that status because her mother never gives her the cards we send because she throws them in the bin!
At this point I'm really worried about how my 8 year old niece is being isolated but I feel that there's nowhere I can turn to for help with it.
Thanks in advance!
Post deleted
My MIL and SIL are cut off too. The ex wife stopped all direct contact on the day of the arrest in 2017.
My partner is going through the courts ATM to get some sort of visitation rights, and the hope is once that is resolved the rest of the family can be introduced.
I'm not sure if grandparents and auntie/uncles have rights as such, but might be worth looking into. And when your person is out of prison to go to the family courts asap.
Self representing is possible, but you will need to read up well on it. My partner is self representing but dilute to his lack of understanding of such cases it has been ongoing for years
My partner is going through the courts ATM to get some sort of visitation rights, and the hope is once that is resolved the rest of the family can be introduced.
I'm not sure if grandparents and auntie/uncles have rights as such, but might be worth looking into. And when your person is out of prison to go to the family courts asap.
Self representing is possible, but you will need to read up well on it. My partner is self representing but dilute to his lack of understanding of such cases it has been ongoing for years
I am currently going through this at the moment. Dispite seeing my grandchildren 3 times a week for the last 2 years their mother has stopped all contact with our family including my son and not given us a reason it's heartbreaking for us. We have found out that grandparents and family have absolutely no rights to see the children and so my son is having to go through the family courts to get supervised access again for himself. They are quoting £1,000's in solicitors fees so we know we are going to have to represent ourselves to keep the costs down. X
Can I add another view upon this.
I am the DIL/SIL, his mother and sister dispite them knowing what my person was accused of and subsequently been convicted if they have offered me absolutely Ziltch in regards to help and support for the children, I have supervised contact for near on 4 years with the occasional when I have asked the MIL has had to come because I had to work!
I am making zero effort now they offer nothing to my children in terms of positively or anything, to be honest they don't really for my person either!!
kids don't want to go last time one said can they stay in the car!!
just saying perhaps in some cases it's not always so simple you don't know what is going on in her head and what she expects
I am the DIL/SIL, his mother and sister dispite them knowing what my person was accused of and subsequently been convicted if they have offered me absolutely Ziltch in regards to help and support for the children, I have supervised contact for near on 4 years with the occasional when I have asked the MIL has had to come because I had to work!
I am making zero effort now they offer nothing to my children in terms of positively or anything, to be honest they don't really for my person either!!
kids don't want to go last time one said can they stay in the car!!
just saying perhaps in some cases it's not always so simple you don't know what is going on in her head and what she expects
Really sorry but I am also careful with contact.
my ex has told his family lies about me, they have very different views to me on the offences. And the in laws were encouraging the children into meet ups which were against all advice....
People don't want to accept the truth and for that reason I have to protect the children.
maybe try and speak to her, follow the rules that she follows and give time. Everyone is hurt and she is the one picking up everything
nothing is easy in this journey
my ex has told his family lies about me, they have very different views to me on the offences. And the in laws were encouraging the children into meet ups which were against all advice....
People don't want to accept the truth and for that reason I have to protect the children.
maybe try and speak to her, follow the rules that she follows and give time. Everyone is hurt and she is the one picking up everything
nothing is easy in this journey
I agree with summer and nemesis. For family that want contact but are from the 'offender's' side need to show the understand the severity of the offending and make an effort on learning and implementing safeguarding.
Social services should be able to give advice on the best approach on how contact can be handled.
My MIL and SIL are not suitable supervisors at all. They still dont verbalise well about my partner's offending and risk- I think they have just buried their heads in the sand.
If they want contact it would have to be without my partner present and that can be a long long way off, as my partner hasn't been reintroduced yet.
It has been frustrating in regards to my MIL. She states she wants to see the kids but hasn't made the effort to engage with lucy faithful or other resources, or with my partner, to understand the risks he poses, and how to safeguard the children.
I believe my partner's ex wife sees my MIL as not suitable just because she has stuck by my partner, but a recent interview with the SS showed my MIL is in denial/minimises the offending - not sure if the ex wife has seen these results yet but it defo won't help matters.
Social services should be able to give advice on the best approach on how contact can be handled.
My MIL and SIL are not suitable supervisors at all. They still dont verbalise well about my partner's offending and risk- I think they have just buried their heads in the sand.
If they want contact it would have to be without my partner present and that can be a long long way off, as my partner hasn't been reintroduced yet.
It has been frustrating in regards to my MIL. She states she wants to see the kids but hasn't made the effort to engage with lucy faithful or other resources, or with my partner, to understand the risks he poses, and how to safeguard the children.
I believe my partner's ex wife sees my MIL as not suitable just because she has stuck by my partner, but a recent interview with the SS showed my MIL is in denial/minimises the offending - not sure if the ex wife has seen these results yet but it defo won't help matters.
The issue I have is that my son and I have had contact with my grandchildren 3 times a week for the last two years. My DIL stated that it was me she wanted to supervise his visits and this has worked great in all that time. SS and police had no concerns with it. So to suddenly put a stop to it is so unfair to us and the children. I dread to think that they think we have just abandoned them. I understand this hanging over her head has got to her and just wants us all to disappear so she can forget about it but life doesn't work like that. I absolutely do understand what my son has done and do not condone it but forcing us to go down the family court route is not the right answer x
Two years is a long time. Did anything happen? Everyone is human but is there something that by accident made her rethink it. Maybe she has met someone?
are the children now older and perhaps needs are different in that if one wants to go to toilet she needs to be supervised, as does the other which means arrangements need relooking at. Are the children older and don't want to see their dad?
Everyone is angry, sad, humiliated by the offences but once family court starts it is contact centres. And not being at birthday parties or life time events with the grand kids.
So if you can, speak to her. Get her to see that you and your son are different in that you are not fighting his battle.
and you have a chance at being at their parties and not contact centres as your situation and rights are different.
If she has concerns in any way about who can supervise, a family court will not go against the mum. If she says to social services her concerns I doubt they will continue their support.
So if you can, speak to her.
As a grand parent, your rights are different so I hope it can be resolved so You can be at future life time events with your grandkids
are the children now older and perhaps needs are different in that if one wants to go to toilet she needs to be supervised, as does the other which means arrangements need relooking at. Are the children older and don't want to see their dad?
Everyone is angry, sad, humiliated by the offences but once family court starts it is contact centres. And not being at birthday parties or life time events with the grand kids.
So if you can, speak to her. Get her to see that you and your son are different in that you are not fighting his battle.
and you have a chance at being at their parties and not contact centres as your situation and rights are different.
If she has concerns in any way about who can supervise, a family court will not go against the mum. If she says to social services her concerns I doubt they will continue their support.
So if you can, speak to her.
As a grand parent, your rights are different so I hope it can be resolved so You can be at future life time events with your grandkids
And lilypad
I am sorry but maybe her stomach is sick when she is at the GP for the children saying his name or at school... she will be paying a heavy price for his offences, more so than anyone. In my case, my ex knew full well the outcome, I on the other hand never signed up to it.
She is the one being coached as to what to say to the children why their dad isn't around. She will be angry and humiliated. She has the real impact.
In my area a name is so important. The surname is about the family, ethics, morals.... people ask that to track backgrounds and whtehrr their children can play with yours...
and if he is in prison, it is likely it was reported on. and at age 9 and 10 kids will do a family history. On the internet...
Family can walk away, but she really can't. She is having to be mum and dad, and never gets a moment. She may not even know the full details, as partners don't get told anything other than what they hear at court
let her be angry and she is probably just saying it to get a reaction. She may block his family.
if you want to be involved, think of the child, not the name, give her time, let her be angry, and if you are on her side, you will be involved with your niece.
Speaking from a mum... who wished his family had not believed his lies... as i would have loved to had them involved
take care
I am sorry but maybe her stomach is sick when she is at the GP for the children saying his name or at school... she will be paying a heavy price for his offences, more so than anyone. In my case, my ex knew full well the outcome, I on the other hand never signed up to it.
She is the one being coached as to what to say to the children why their dad isn't around. She will be angry and humiliated. She has the real impact.
In my area a name is so important. The surname is about the family, ethics, morals.... people ask that to track backgrounds and whtehrr their children can play with yours...
and if he is in prison, it is likely it was reported on. and at age 9 and 10 kids will do a family history. On the internet...
Family can walk away, but she really can't. She is having to be mum and dad, and never gets a moment. She may not even know the full details, as partners don't get told anything other than what they hear at court
let her be angry and she is probably just saying it to get a reaction. She may block his family.
if you want to be involved, think of the child, not the name, give her time, let her be angry, and if you are on her side, you will be involved with your niece.
Speaking from a mum... who wished his family had not believed his lies... as i would have loved to had them involved
take care