Desperately trying to keep it together
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I am coming up to 1 month post "knock". This whole time, I keep being told that I can't discuss anything as it's my partners private information.
Yet safeguarding contacted my aunt and my uncle and told them. Aunt and uncle (2 different families) threatened to tell my parents so I've had to tell them basic info. My parents then threatened to tell my sister so now her and her partner know.
Someone (I don't know who) has contacted the safeguarding officer at MY work so now they know but my partner has no access to my work and I don't work with children.
My father is now threatening to tell my narcissistic, judgemental, gossiping grandmother because this is "hard" on him and he doesn't like lying.
At what point do I get protected? Any advice on how to tell people to mind their own business without destroying my remaining relationships?
Yet safeguarding contacted my aunt and my uncle and told them. Aunt and uncle (2 different families) threatened to tell my parents so I've had to tell them basic info. My parents then threatened to tell my sister so now her and her partner know.
Someone (I don't know who) has contacted the safeguarding officer at MY work so now they know but my partner has no access to my work and I don't work with children.
My father is now threatening to tell my narcissistic, judgemental, gossiping grandmother because this is "hard" on him and he doesn't like lying.
At what point do I get protected? Any advice on how to tell people to mind their own business without destroying my remaining relationships?
Believe
I do feel for you, in this situation it sometimes feels like you have no control over events.
I have been hassled, by family members who know, to tell other family members. When I asked why I should tell at this stage, before any conviction, the reply was "because when they found out they'll be angry that you didn't tell them". I told them I thought that was stupid, there would be no need for them to be angry because they aren't at risk from my OH who is observing bail cinditions. And if telling them was likely to make them angry then why cause that sort of upset?
It is a burden, knowing, and I suspect that's why some of your family members who have found out are telling/want to tell others because they feel they need support. Could you suggest they call the helpline as an alternative?
In some ways I wish more of my family did know because after over 2 years its a secret that's burning a hole in me, and it would be a relief. On the other hand, due to the reaction of some of the people who've been told, I'm glad that at the moment most don't know, and I can pretend to be normal. So that feels like living a double life, which is also difficult.
For you, it looks like it's out there now. I would hold your head high, don't bother justifying yourself to others, because you have done nothing wrong. You'll find out who you can and can't depend on, which will be useful for you. I don't yet have that privilege.
Wishing you all the best
I do feel for you, in this situation it sometimes feels like you have no control over events.
I have been hassled, by family members who know, to tell other family members. When I asked why I should tell at this stage, before any conviction, the reply was "because when they found out they'll be angry that you didn't tell them". I told them I thought that was stupid, there would be no need for them to be angry because they aren't at risk from my OH who is observing bail cinditions. And if telling them was likely to make them angry then why cause that sort of upset?
It is a burden, knowing, and I suspect that's why some of your family members who have found out are telling/want to tell others because they feel they need support. Could you suggest they call the helpline as an alternative?
In some ways I wish more of my family did know because after over 2 years its a secret that's burning a hole in me, and it would be a relief. On the other hand, due to the reaction of some of the people who've been told, I'm glad that at the moment most don't know, and I can pretend to be normal. So that feels like living a double life, which is also difficult.
For you, it looks like it's out there now. I would hold your head high, don't bother justifying yourself to others, because you have done nothing wrong. You'll find out who you can and can't depend on, which will be useful for you. I don't yet have that privilege.
Wishing you all the best
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me. You have really helped me and I appreciate your help. I've just been feeling stuck and on my own.