Advice Needed
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So myself and my husband volunteer within the scouts, something we have done for many years. However that now has to stop, police advised that they would contact our local head of scouts to inform them, they advised that they didn't need to take it any further as long as my husband does not have anything to do with them.
Our close friends who are also involved with the scouts at a much higher level are badgering us to help out with upcoming events, at this point we have not told them or anyone for that matter anything.
My question is do we sit down with them and tell them what has happened, at this point I just don't know what it would do to our friendship.
Any advice would be appreciated as at this very moment it is just making me feel sick to the stomach.
Our close friends who are also involved with the scouts at a much higher level are badgering us to help out with upcoming events, at this point we have not told them or anyone for that matter anything.
My question is do we sit down with them and tell them what has happened, at this point I just don't know what it would do to our friendship.
Any advice would be appreciated as at this very moment it is just making me feel sick to the stomach.
Hi Mata, I feel your pain. I've been actively involved in guiding as a leader for 12 years, but I've had to distance myself over the past 10 weeks. I'm too ashamed to tell the other unit leaders what's going on and I've instead just said that I've got a personal situation I need to deal with and that I'll tell them more when I can. I'm trying to help as much as I can, without attending meetings and events. (So I'm updating our accounts etc). It's breaking my heart, because it's been such a big part of my life, but I can't bring myself to talk through my situation with them. That said, I also can't in good conscience keep trying to mentor young girls when my partner is being investigated for these offences.
Any advice anyone has would be greatfully received.
Any advice anyone has would be greatfully received.
It's very hard telling friends, you can never be sure how someone will react but I think if they are very close friends you will have an idea. We told all our close friends and family and while difficult they have all been really good. It's knowing if they can handle the burden of keeping it quiet. If they are truely very good friends they may be more supportive than you think. I felt anyone we spent a lot of time with and wanted to continue spending lots of time with needed to know, I wanted friends that we didnt need to lie to, that understood what a difficult time we were having and i have to say our friends have been amazing. Only you know if the benifit of telling them out ways the risk of rejection.
That's what I'm finding hard to cope with Marie, not being able or even wanting to tell them. How the hell do you even start the conversation!!
Days and situations like this, I really hate my husband for putting not just him but us in this s**t...
Days and situations like this, I really hate my husband for putting not just him but us in this s**t...
While we're on the subject of advice... We've just had the call from the police that they're applying to the magistrates court to extend my partner's bail by a further 6 months. All that aside, we have our wedding booked for June 2020. People are starting to ask questions about save the dates, invites etc. How on Earth do I go about calling off a wedding, yet not announcing that we've split up (yet)?? There are so many questions that I just don't feel ready to answer yet.
Ditto to this situation, both myself and my husband have helped with scouts for many years and weeboth born into Scouting families. I too have had to distance myself from a lot of friends. More so for me as I can't lie to people. As far as I understand it, it would be just him that can not help at events. You are not in the wrong. Could you use something else in your life as the reasoning why you've stepped back- young children (in my case), family illness, work stress?
Hi Confusedandlonely, yes - I've been pretty "woolly" in terms of my reasoning, and again it's because I can't lie. I've spent years and years trying to grow these girls into confident young women, but I feel the polar opposite of that at the moment and I don't think my current state will be of benefit to them. My partner has never been involved with the unit so I just have to make excuses for me. I've got so many friends in scouting as well from various events over the years - utterly bizarre to think that I could well have met you and mata and we're all suffering in silence!
Hi JayneG,
Yes that's such a mad idea that we could have met each other and are all feeling so alone in all this. I often feel that we think our 'excuses' will be seen through but often people are concerned but don't assume the worst case scenario. I know if it was me and someone said they needed time away I would just assume that at that time the amount of time dedicated to scouting or guiding just is taking its toll.
Yes that's such a mad idea that we could have met each other and are all feeling so alone in all this. I often feel that we think our 'excuses' will be seen through but often people are concerned but don't assume the worst case scenario. I know if it was me and someone said they needed time away I would just assume that at that time the amount of time dedicated to scouting or guiding just is taking its toll.