Family and Friends Forum

DevastatedWife

I am truly so sorry to read your post I can just feel your pain, I dont have much advise but I just wanted to let you know we are here for you xx

It is still early days on this horrendous journey and you have had so so much to deal with

Have you reached out to your GP? Also speaking to LFF helpline they could perhaps recommend someone who you can talk to

Please try to look after yourself no matter how hard this is you will get through it

My situation is it is my son who offended so completely different but the emotions are so very similar

I cannot even begin to understand what you are going through with a young baby also to look after

There are so many wonderful ladies on here who will be able to offer so much more advice and support

Sending hugs xx

You are definitely not alone I'm where you are I can't get over the grief it's been 3 months and still can't stop crying are you seeing a counselor? I'm in therapy with one that works with sex offenders trained by stopso she treats sex and porn addiction too it's helping me understand why he did it ect the grief I'm still working on it's like physical pain in your chest that won't go it's not just physiological. I definitely recommend seeing someone. My appointments are just over the phone so if you find time hard with having a baby you can opt for it over the phone or zoom type calls. I understand when you say seeing other happy families that's why I've come off social media as well altogether I don't want to see people living life all happy and carefree so don't feel bad about those feelings I think it's normal in the process I think the worst for me was Christmas day and new year as it was only 2 weeks before that so was just me and my daughter I couldn't bring myself to go to my mams where all my family would be going....sending you a big massive hug xx

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Your anger and pain are palpable through your post. We all empathise with the feelings you are experiencing in these early days. You've been through so much, not only the trauma of the knock but also the arrival of your little one. I'm glad that you are being supported by family and as others have suggested it may be beneficial to seek support outside those closest to you.

It will seem impossible to imagine anything beyond the turmoil you are currently experiencing but it does settle as time progresses. You're world has shifted, give yourself time, be kind to yourself and try not to let this consume every waking minute however hard that seems.

You had and have no control over these events or how this will progress or end. The only thing I'd add is please don't see the police as friends or on your side. We were told not to speak to them at all. It's wrong of them to suggest a possible outcome as this isn't within their control. Only the judge can decide this.

You will always have the support of everyone here and we all understand the journey you are on. This forum has been a lifeline to me personally and continues to be so.



Sending strength x

I feel you girl. Give yourself time to heal, get some counselling, ring the helpline, keep speaking to your parents.
Things will get harder before they get better but things will get better. Don't make any decisions until court case is over. Life will be different but it will be ok. Hugs x

Ps ignore what police are telling you re sentence, they have no idea and no say on sentencing. As we've seen on this forum there are people who have been treat harshly and some who have gotten a light sentence. It all depends on the judge in the day and mitigating factors x

Oh my dear Devastated W - how we've all been through your pain, I'm sure your words resignate with us all on here. Bless you, big hug.

I cannot add to Polly's advice, just send on my support xxxxxx

Hi,

I completely feel every word you've written. I was pregnant with a very much wanted baby when my person was arrested and remanded in custody. I think in those first six months I went through every emotion possible. The pain is something I've never experienced before and I've not exactly had an easy peaceful life. It's worse than a death, at least if they died people would rally to support you in your grief. It almost felt like people around me thought I shouldn't be upset to lose him because of what he had done.

Look after yourself and baby as much as possible. It does get easier with time. My baby girl is two now and although I'm still a single mom she doesn't know any different and it definitely isn't a bad thing for her at all. When she tells me that we're putting crowns on and dancing round the living room then that's exactly what we do, nobody to moan about the noise or the mess. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, focus on it and try not to make any life decisions right now. Heal a bit first xxx

I'm so sorry to read this. My husband has totally blown up my whole world too and that of my 12 year old son. It is just the most hideous feeling and I totally understand how you feel.

Devastated wife. I am so sorry that you have found yourself here. For me it was my Son who offended online, the level of shock is unexplainable. It is going to take a lot of time so please try not to overwhelm yourself (easier said than done). As hard as it is now to see there will be good days ahead for you, try not to research everything as it will only bring fear to your door, leave that for when you are feeling stronger. Being in legal limbo does have it's advantageous in terms of your husband having time to put the work in as to how he ended up where he did. I understand completely how angry you are you have every right to be. Its also so confusing and you question everything, every memory conversation etc. Try to keep things in the day and concentrate on you and your miracle baby. Lots of love and strength to you going forward. Xx

Devastated Wife, I'm so sorry to hear your experience. I'm here because of my son, but the devastation and the pain is indescribable; there's not a person on here who doesn't understand what you're going through.

Hang on in there, it's early days for you - I am a strong person but was suicidal at one point in the early months but, almost two years in, life if very different.

You will get through this - sending you love and strength x