What do i do?
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My paryners family have just told me that they will not support or stand by him because of what hes done. Story is he has viewed and distributed images but has since arrest been extremly open to me and told me about hes mental health state and how he hasnt coped with anything for 6 years. He lost hes father to suicide then a break up of marriage and loss of a child and then hes mum passed. He says he wasnt truly aware of what he was doing and is desperate for help for all of hes issues. He has not told hes family the truth yet and they have just told me no matter why he done it is irrelevant and that they will basicalky disown him. What do i do? I feel like im the only one he can be honest with but its srill extremly difficult for me as we have a son together also. He has done a horrific thing and i want to ensure he gets the right help but was hoping hes family would be able to help to enforce he gets what he needs to get better but now i feel like its all down to me. And i am still unsure wether or not to allow access until he proves hes getting help. What do i do i cant attend meetings with him because of our son...i feel so stuck right now
Hi Becky
Sorry to hear you’re going through this.
I think time is key with this, it takes some people longer to come around to what they have done and understanding why they did it than others, I also think it depends on what category etc.
From most of the forums I have read it is clear that a lot of people do this as an escapism to try and get away from the reality of their life and the dark places to what has happened to them in their life. From my experience my dad has been through a lot with my mum from her suffering with severe depression trying to keep her together as she once attempted suicide, his dad passing away which he didn’t show much emotion through and then my uncle getting terminal cancer and again supporting my mum as she cannot cope in these situations, My mum and dad couldn’t afford their house anymore so that caused them to have to sell up and be homeless until the council could find us a place. To me my dad is my hero and I feel like support is what he needs most.
Your family is your family and I personally think support is going to be the best thing for them, they don’t realise the harm they are doing and wouldn’t ever intentionally bring this on anyone. Give your partners family sometime, then hopefully they’ll be able to listen to why he did it. We’re all humans and everyone makes mistakes!
Its a long road but we will all be stronger in the long run for it, even though it doesn’t feel like that now.
Xxx
Sorry to hear you’re going through this.
I think time is key with this, it takes some people longer to come around to what they have done and understanding why they did it than others, I also think it depends on what category etc.
From most of the forums I have read it is clear that a lot of people do this as an escapism to try and get away from the reality of their life and the dark places to what has happened to them in their life. From my experience my dad has been through a lot with my mum from her suffering with severe depression trying to keep her together as she once attempted suicide, his dad passing away which he didn’t show much emotion through and then my uncle getting terminal cancer and again supporting my mum as she cannot cope in these situations, My mum and dad couldn’t afford their house anymore so that caused them to have to sell up and be homeless until the council could find us a place. To me my dad is my hero and I feel like support is what he needs most.
Your family is your family and I personally think support is going to be the best thing for them, they don’t realise the harm they are doing and wouldn’t ever intentionally bring this on anyone. Give your partners family sometime, then hopefully they’ll be able to listen to why he did it. We’re all humans and everyone makes mistakes!
Its a long road but we will all be stronger in the long run for it, even though it doesn’t feel like that now.
Xxx
Tbhankyou for the reply. Although i know i do not want a relationship as a couple with him i do want to ensure he geta the help he needs to help turn himself around for hes own sake aswell as our sons.
Becky
i feel you, elements of your story are very similar such as my husband has also been disowned by his family and his father killed himself. Which my husband never got treatment from.
i won’t resume my relationship. Mainly because a) he was dishonest and the betrayal hurts.
and b) he is like a lost little child I can’t imagine ever being in a sexual relationship with him.
though like you I truly want him to get help with his demons and be a good parent to my daughter.
One thing is for me it’s way to emotional for me to support him, he is seeking out support from friends and turning to meditation and mindfulness.
initially he minimised what he did but is now more excepting and engaging with support. It’s nit been easy as he also had two suicide attempts since Christmas. I still care about him, and think it’s okay to care. Our partners were a significant part of our lives. But we do need to put ourselves first. I have said before I think that’s why I post so much I need a distraction from him.
since Christmas I have got in touch with some of my old friends and really enjoying living alone with my daughter and being me, there is no right or wrong answer to how to react or respond. ( I still think a little bit down the line I will get extremely angry with him)
take it a moment at a time Becky your mental well-being is important too. It’s difficult to be the one who has to keep giving so hopefully you have support for you and your partner can find someone who is less emotionally invested in him to support him.
all the best I feel for you
live Bethlou xxx
i feel you, elements of your story are very similar such as my husband has also been disowned by his family and his father killed himself. Which my husband never got treatment from.
i won’t resume my relationship. Mainly because a) he was dishonest and the betrayal hurts.
and b) he is like a lost little child I can’t imagine ever being in a sexual relationship with him.
though like you I truly want him to get help with his demons and be a good parent to my daughter.
One thing is for me it’s way to emotional for me to support him, he is seeking out support from friends and turning to meditation and mindfulness.
initially he minimised what he did but is now more excepting and engaging with support. It’s nit been easy as he also had two suicide attempts since Christmas. I still care about him, and think it’s okay to care. Our partners were a significant part of our lives. But we do need to put ourselves first. I have said before I think that’s why I post so much I need a distraction from him.
since Christmas I have got in touch with some of my old friends and really enjoying living alone with my daughter and being me, there is no right or wrong answer to how to react or respond. ( I still think a little bit down the line I will get extremely angry with him)
take it a moment at a time Becky your mental well-being is important too. It’s difficult to be the one who has to keep giving so hopefully you have support for you and your partner can find someone who is less emotionally invested in him to support him.
all the best I feel for you
live Bethlou xxx