Oh I screwed up
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Today was not good,
had the usual annoying visit from social and of course my DD again has made it vary clear she does not want to talk to them or be alone with them as she is annoyed at them for various reasons. Any way I managed to coax her into seeing the SW, who then tells me to take my DS out of the room for being too noisy, whilst I'm gone the SW decides to basically interrogate my DD ( I can hear everything I'm only in the next room) DD then gets very upset and shouts "see you don't listen" and runs to her room.
I come back in with DS who is being a normal toddler you know shouting and getting into peoples faces (namely the SW) whilst trying to hold a conversation of course which isn't easy, just as I'm about to distract DS and move him away when SW actually puts her hand up in his face about two inches from it actually and starts telling him off (basic back off talk to the hand 90s BS), I was infuriated and shouted at SW partly to be heard over DS but also to give SW a good warning where by I said "Oi, don't talk to my child like that" and then proceeded to tell her off about putting her hand in his face and not to ever do that again, she seriously had the gall to say well I do that as he was in my face. He's a bloody toddler they do that they are loud and get into the faces of visitors whom they don't see often (excitement).
anyway proceeded to apologise whilst also explaining that it is in the file that I have CPTSD and can't help outbursts at times but I do acknowledge if I shouldn't have done something and usually walk away.
this out burst came because not only the way the SW treated my DS but also because of the dismissive behaviour towards my DD.
my DD at one point came from her room and SW asked why she was crying and when DD started to explain it was because SW are not listening to her SW dismissed what she was trying to explain and said I didn't ask why you don't trust SS I asked why you are crying
AITA because I sure feel like one, I should have kept my composure and just know this will go against me
had the usual annoying visit from social and of course my DD again has made it vary clear she does not want to talk to them or be alone with them as she is annoyed at them for various reasons. Any way I managed to coax her into seeing the SW, who then tells me to take my DS out of the room for being too noisy, whilst I'm gone the SW decides to basically interrogate my DD ( I can hear everything I'm only in the next room) DD then gets very upset and shouts "see you don't listen" and runs to her room.
I come back in with DS who is being a normal toddler you know shouting and getting into peoples faces (namely the SW) whilst trying to hold a conversation of course which isn't easy, just as I'm about to distract DS and move him away when SW actually puts her hand up in his face about two inches from it actually and starts telling him off (basic back off talk to the hand 90s BS), I was infuriated and shouted at SW partly to be heard over DS but also to give SW a good warning where by I said "Oi, don't talk to my child like that" and then proceeded to tell her off about putting her hand in his face and not to ever do that again, she seriously had the gall to say well I do that as he was in my face. He's a bloody toddler they do that they are loud and get into the faces of visitors whom they don't see often (excitement).
anyway proceeded to apologise whilst also explaining that it is in the file that I have CPTSD and can't help outbursts at times but I do acknowledge if I shouldn't have done something and usually walk away.
this out burst came because not only the way the SW treated my DS but also because of the dismissive behaviour towards my DD.
my DD at one point came from her room and SW asked why she was crying and when DD started to explain it was because SW are not listening to her SW dismissed what she was trying to explain and said I didn't ask why you don't trust SS I asked why you are crying
AITA because I sure feel like one, I should have kept my composure and just know this will go against me
I do not have small children so cannot give any advice about SS, but just wanted you to give you a virtual hug. The authorities should be treating you as a victim and not adding to your problems.
i am sorry i cannot give out much more advice than that. X
i am sorry i cannot give out much more advice than that. X
SS are a tricky bunch.
Having two small children myself, I empathise with everything you're saying, and it's true, how dare she touch your DS that way!
As your thread name says, I know you feel horrendous but it's pretty normal circumstances and the SW crossed a line there. Fuming for you.
Big hugs x
Having two small children myself, I empathise with everything you're saying, and it's true, how dare she touch your DS that way!
As your thread name says, I know you feel horrendous but it's pretty normal circumstances and the SW crossed a line there. Fuming for you.
Big hugs x
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Can I just say, I would have done exactly the same. In fact I would be making a complaint about the fact that the SW seemingly tricked you into speaking to your daughter alone and also about what she did to your son.
That said, after making several complaints to Children's Services, it makes no difference!
That said, after making several complaints to Children's Services, it makes no difference!
I don't think you should be saying sorry at all I have two toddlers your post as made me angry at SS if ours was to do that to either of my children she would be out the house I wouldn't care who she was. I'd make a massive complaint this morning through email to the manager and ask for a different person and state she will not be allowed in the house again so you want somebody that is going to help protect your children not boarderline threaten them
Thank you all for your kind words, I still feel terrible about shouting but you are all right it doesn't make me an A-H***, I was being protective. And I will not ever allow her to do that again. I wouldn't even do that to an adult let alone a child. It was disgusting behaviour.
update my DD called Social this morning to complain and we are currently awaiting a phone call from the SW manager. Coming from a child and how it made her feel might have some weight to it. Once the phone call has happened I will be writing a full spectrum complaint of all issue that they have so far done.
update my DD called Social this morning to complain and we are currently awaiting a phone call from the SW manager. Coming from a child and how it made her feel might have some weight to it. Once the phone call has happened I will be writing a full spectrum complaint of all issue that they have so far done.
Your LA will have a complaints procedure. Use that. If you just comllain to a manager there is no guarantee of a response, but if you use the official procedure, it has to be dealt with.
Hi confused
I am going to be going through the official complaints procedure but my DD also wants to use her voice and complain. I think is healthy for her to be able to voice her concerns and upset's especially since this SW made her feel terrible. Just want her to be able to find her own voice and hopefully she will be heard however they still haven't phoned back so she phoned a second time.
the ironic thing is the whole reason she doesn't trust them is because they don't listen to her and keep twisting what she says to their agenda (she's read all the notes they have taken on her and she keeps saying that's not what i said or how I meant it). By still not calling her back they are just proving that they don't listen
I am going to be going through the official complaints procedure but my DD also wants to use her voice and complain. I think is healthy for her to be able to voice her concerns and upset's especially since this SW made her feel terrible. Just want her to be able to find her own voice and hopefully she will be heard however they still haven't phoned back so she phoned a second time.
the ironic thing is the whole reason she doesn't trust them is because they don't listen to her and keep twisting what she says to their agenda (she's read all the notes they have taken on her and she keeps saying that's not what i said or how I meant it). By still not calling her back they are just proving that they don't listen
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Oh surprise surprise after 4 phone calls from my daughter to speak to the SWs manager they still haven't called her back. Looks like I'm going the formal route and adding that this children's services also think it acceptable to ignore a child. That's going to go down well.
Update:- 5 phone calls they ignored from a child over 2 days.
one long email from me outlining their failings I get a call this morning to tell me that not only do they agree with their failings they are going to speak to DD tonight to get her views but also pass this directly to the complaints officer for it to be investigated properly.
Whilst talking to the SWs managers manager I highlighted that my DD and DS are on CPP and for her to Imagine if the calls were an emergency begging for help (thankfully they were not) but they ignored a child on multiple occasions. Disturbing. It is SS that are causing emotional damage to my children and it is unacceptable.
let's see what the out come will be now. Fingers crossed
one long email from me outlining their failings I get a call this morning to tell me that not only do they agree with their failings they are going to speak to DD tonight to get her views but also pass this directly to the complaints officer for it to be investigated properly.
Whilst talking to the SWs managers manager I highlighted that my DD and DS are on CPP and for her to Imagine if the calls were an emergency begging for help (thankfully they were not) but they ignored a child on multiple occasions. Disturbing. It is SS that are causing emotional damage to my children and it is unacceptable.
let's see what the out come will be now. Fingers crossed
Everything crossed for you Dragonmama, it's a good job she has a mother like you behind her!
it's not good enough them just saying yes we don't think it's right either they need a kick up the arse, they should never forget the child at the heart of all of all of this! I'm met with they have massive caseloads really busy etc. Yes but that's not our problem!
Even if you get no where with it I always think it helps to get it off your chest and to let them know you won't be messed around!
When is your next CP conference?
it's not good enough them just saying yes we don't think it's right either they need a kick up the arse, they should never forget the child at the heart of all of all of this! I'm met with they have massive caseloads really busy etc. Yes but that's not our problem!
Even if you get no where with it I always think it helps to get it off your chest and to let them know you won't be messed around!
When is your next CP conference?
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Hi summer next Cpp meeting is in the summer holidays unfortunately. Would be nice if they called it earlier.
hi daffodil, I put in a full complaint with all failings sent to the boss of the SW, that persons boss, the head of childrens SS for this brough and the chair person for conferences. 4 people in total. All of whom have emailed and called. Including their failings at upholding the plan itself, And all have said I will be confirmation email within the next few days from the complaint's manager, once they start the investigation for the complaint (usually 3 working days of receiving a complaint).
I didn't not hold back or mince my words at the distress and harm that they are causing.
I refuse to let them think it's ok to treat my children in such a way. They will be held accountable for the harm they are causing even if I have to go to the top. My babies deserve justice.
hi daffodil, I put in a full complaint with all failings sent to the boss of the SW, that persons boss, the head of childrens SS for this brough and the chair person for conferences. 4 people in total. All of whom have emailed and called. Including their failings at upholding the plan itself, And all have said I will be confirmation email within the next few days from the complaint's manager, once they start the investigation for the complaint (usually 3 working days of receiving a complaint).
I didn't not hold back or mince my words at the distress and harm that they are causing.
I refuse to let them think it's ok to treat my children in such a way. They will be held accountable for the harm they are causing even if I have to go to the top. My babies deserve justice.