Family and Friends Forum

Oh Cherry I am so sorry to read this, what reason did they give? I hope that you contest it. And I'm pretty sure that social are more than capable of setting up a contact centre, if not you can always request to have a Family support worker to help you in your life (not that you need them for that reason) and then arrange for them to supervise. Virtual hugs xxx

Hi,

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. When ss were first involved I was under the impression that I could supervise and that his parents were there incase I found it too emotionally challenging. This wasn't the case so we went back last summer and managed to have it changed. I'd had cbt and hypnotherapy. We'd both done courses with lff and he has ongoing talking therapy.
Ss did have concerns about us resuming our relationship and suggested that I could supervise in the community, is this an option for you to put forward? I know it's not ideal but with the warmer weather coming it may be possible. I fought them on contact in the community because I don't want to have to keep going back to them to ask their permission. I basically told them that if I can protect my daughter at the park then I can protect her anywhere we choose to be. She's a toddler so it's not like we have any opportunity to resume our relationship while she's around. Look at your local authority website for how they are supposed to conduct their assessments and it may also tell you thresholds for cin and cpp and what "support " they offer at each stage. I know it's not ideal but perhaps keeping things open is better for now if you are prepared to hold them accountable for the things they're meant to do whilst on it. Have a look at the courses you can do and keep a record of any work you do with your child. Also, the point she made about cpp if he moves back as they won't know his risk level is ridiculous. Post sentencing probation and visor do risk assessments. Lots of love xxx

Sorry that you are going though that all with SS, they are meant to help but they always seem hell bent on making us mothers out to be monsters who are incapable of protecting our children. A CiN plan isn't that bad I wish I was on one but instead got cpp. With CiN you can request a community support worker and they could help with contact, they used to do that for me so their excuses are moot. Up side to CiN is that you can tell them to go away at any point as it's completely voluntary. I don't understand why some couples are allowed to stay together and some not. Its disgusting. Your partner (ex or not) is her father and your daughter has a fundamental human right to see her father. They are breaching her rights to not help with that. I truely hope you manage to sort it xxx

Hi,

Sorry I've been busy today but hopefully baby is asleep for the night now. I wanted to pick up on a couple of things you've said in replies; regarding video calls if you're present then they shouldn't be an issue. They are pushing for you paying for someone to limit the frequency of contact, it's not because you are not a protective factor. Also, unless you home school your daughter then you have opportunities to resume your relationship without her being there so it literally makes no sense for them to stop you from solely supervising on these grounds.
Anything they suggest are recommendations only, you can thank them for their input and tell them that you will be supervising contact. You have both done and are doing so much work and it seems like they're not taking that into account. As I've said previously about the guidelines on your la children's services page it is worth reading them. For example mine says to take a holistic approach and not just focus on the situation presented. It also states that assessments should be based on risk vs protective factors. My argument with them was that I see the risk, we know about his offences so therefore with me being classed as a protective factor and me always supervising that cancels out the risk in my opinion. Sw tried to say that there are cases of children in dv situations where the mother has sided with the partner/father and lied to health workers. I told her that my first instinct was to ask my older children if anything had ever happened to them or made them uncomfortable and I ended our relationship at arrest so I'm absolutely not that type of mother. It really does annoy me that we have done nothing wrong and yet we're the ones they focus on because they're not trained to assess offenders. I'd never had any dealings with ss before any of this, my oldest was 17 at the knock. The first sw I met twice for not even an hour at a time and the second one I don't even think she was here for longer than half an hour and I had a 20 minute conversation with her on the phone. Both made errors in their reports and failed to do things they said they would but they're assessing me lol. Keep fighting for whatever you want for your family, try not to be scared of them believe me I know it's hard xxx

Hi Cherry,

That sounds like a good plan. So much of this journey is unknown and before all this happened I honestly can't say what my reaction would be to someone else going through it, especially those closest to me. My mom is the same, will be there to support me and my children but isn't ready to see my person. I completely get it, it's a hated crime and he hurt her baby. I hope that if the sw supervises you and works with you in the way she has said that by the end of the 12 weeks you will be able to solely supervise xxx

Yeah, I completely get that. The anger is immense at times. My person has always supported me and made me believe in myself in a way nobody else has but he's also caused me the most heartache I've ever experienced, it's all just so hard to process and to constantly have that battle in my head of love and anger. You sound like a fierce mama, you've totally got this xxx

Thinking of you cherry, have you done any safeguarding courses or created a safety plan you think would work if you are supervising contact. You can always ask for a protective parenting assessment but you have to be sure as this could come back negatively, I'm not saying it would but you have to consider that. However you often have to be in PLO before they will consider to fund this.


Work with them best you can but don't be pushed around keep a log of everything and email when you need clarification of anything or just to keep records.

xx

Hi Cherry,

Sorry, you're probably sick of me piping up lol. I did the inform course on a one to one basis. It's hard going but definitely something I'm glad I did xxx

Hi, I paid £80 but I think they've stopped charging now xxx