Trying to guess sentence
Notifications OFFPost deleted by user
Morning whyus. I don't know what to say - this situation is hard, really hard, and until you're in it you can't even fathom how it might feel.
As a positive, it sounds as though your husband has been honest with you after his arrest. If you are to have a future, I think that's important. My partner admitted to me the things he's been doing and, whilst I'm not happy about any of it, I know it's been difficult for him to be honest and I appreciate hearing things from him rather than second hand, from the police.
As for sentencing etc, don't play any guessing games. I tried to do that and it sent me into a deeper spiral. There's no hard and fast rules with this, so it's just impossible.
As for what other people think - there's nothing you can do about that. I've spent the past 10 weeks since this all kicked off for me wondering the same thing, but I've not made my mind up as to whether I'll stay with him or not. We've told barely anyone, so if I do decide to stay then the fallout will be minimal and I defy anyone who hasn't been in this situation to judge us - you've NO idea how you'd act if you've never experienced it. If we split, I shall tell people that things just haven't worked between us.
It's early days, so keep going. I'm 10 weeks in and still have a cry most days. It does help. Xx
As a positive, it sounds as though your husband has been honest with you after his arrest. If you are to have a future, I think that's important. My partner admitted to me the things he's been doing and, whilst I'm not happy about any of it, I know it's been difficult for him to be honest and I appreciate hearing things from him rather than second hand, from the police.
As for sentencing etc, don't play any guessing games. I tried to do that and it sent me into a deeper spiral. There's no hard and fast rules with this, so it's just impossible.
As for what other people think - there's nothing you can do about that. I've spent the past 10 weeks since this all kicked off for me wondering the same thing, but I've not made my mind up as to whether I'll stay with him or not. We've told barely anyone, so if I do decide to stay then the fallout will be minimal and I defy anyone who hasn't been in this situation to judge us - you've NO idea how you'd act if you've never experienced it. If we split, I shall tell people that things just haven't worked between us.
It's early days, so keep going. I'm 10 weeks in and still have a cry most days. It does help. Xx
hi whyus
the knock is a really hard time - we're three months in, and while trying to gain normality again, sometimes there are days when i just feel numb, and he just cries.
I find it helpful now - after the initial shock - to keep reminding myself that it's nobodies business but ours, and while i'm trying to build a tough skin against what other people might say as and when they find out, also that the crime (inadvertently or otherwise (he was a porn addict)) is his, not mine, so i need to get on with my life too. I support him as much as i can, but i also have started to do my own things apart from him (including starting an OU course), so i have my own life and support net. It keeps me sane.
Don't think of yourself as the "woman who stayed with a sex offender". You're the woman who stayed by the man she loved (assuming you do stay by him - i know i often considered getting as far out of dodge as possible in the first few weeks). Only you can make that decision but it's yours to make alone.
if you can, try and find a level of normality that works for you..... it's a long wait, and the way i tell myself, i'd rather have something in these 8/9/10 months to look back on, than think "i wasted that time dwelling on what might happen". We can't change what's coming but try not to focus on it too much (difficult as that absolutely is).
x
the knock is a really hard time - we're three months in, and while trying to gain normality again, sometimes there are days when i just feel numb, and he just cries.
I find it helpful now - after the initial shock - to keep reminding myself that it's nobodies business but ours, and while i'm trying to build a tough skin against what other people might say as and when they find out, also that the crime (inadvertently or otherwise (he was a porn addict)) is his, not mine, so i need to get on with my life too. I support him as much as i can, but i also have started to do my own things apart from him (including starting an OU course), so i have my own life and support net. It keeps me sane.
Don't think of yourself as the "woman who stayed with a sex offender". You're the woman who stayed by the man she loved (assuming you do stay by him - i know i often considered getting as far out of dodge as possible in the first few weeks). Only you can make that decision but it's yours to make alone.
if you can, try and find a level of normality that works for you..... it's a long wait, and the way i tell myself, i'd rather have something in these 8/9/10 months to look back on, than think "i wasted that time dwelling on what might happen". We can't change what's coming but try not to focus on it too much (difficult as that absolutely is).
x