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Will it ever end?

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holdingon

Member since
March 2023

5 posts

Posted Mon March 20, 2023 9:43amReport post

Heya everyone, I wish I could say it was nice to meet you all but I know none of us want to be here. I am struggling beyond belief and am glad to have found this space. No one else understands, but I don't blame them. Praying so hard this will all soon end. My person was arrested late June '22 accused of accessing images online and RUI. OIC advised the devices were starting to be actively looked at in December '22, I've been holding my breath this entire time wondering why it's taking this long? From the beginning they keep saying 6-8 weeks, but 6-8 weeks never comes... Why can't they just be truthful about the wait when they know it won't take that long? It feels criminal they give us false hope like this time and time again.

Over three months and still no answers, how long can it really take to go through this information? What are they doing? I am driving myself nuts. Logically I know it's not that easy, but I wish it was. Police won't give us any information, but a safeguarding officer has eluded to the fact that this may have something to do with illegal pop ups from a legal website... what the hell? My person has popups blocked on his devices, so even if this happened they would not have seen them. No idea what's going to happen and scared beyond belief. If police know these websites why the hell don't they block them? So frustrated :-( I hope I can make it through this.

Sparrow

Member since
April 2022

40 posts

Posted Mon March 20, 2023 10:34amReport post

Hi holdingon

The waiting truly is awful. From what I have seen timescales vary greatly. Though I have to say not many are done in the 6-8 week period the police suggest. My OH (ex) was told same and it took around 12 months until forensics was completed then 2nd interview.
OIC told me 2-3 months. Then that she would follow it up. Then I heard nothing. So 12 months was my experience. Now with CPS and the another wait.....so I hear you. I hope for you that this time frame is quicker.

holdingon

Member since
March 2023

5 posts

Posted Mon March 20, 2023 12:10pmReport post

Hi Sparrow,

I'm sorry to hear that you're still stuck in this limbo, I hope this nightmare is over for you soon and that you're okay. It's so hard to manage with this unbelievable level of stress and unknown. I think it would be easier if we genuinely knew my person was guilty or not, that would make it easier to accept in some ways as at least we could then prepare, but even he doesn't know. He says he has never in his life seen an image he suspected to be illegal and if it is a pop up then that is something he surely has no control over. Ugh, hopefully we have some answers soon though part of me doesn't want to know.

Louise49

Member since
January 2021

494 posts

Posted Mon March 20, 2023 12:14pmReport post

Hi Holdingon

my OH got the knock in January 2021! It's a very long wait I'm afraid and we are still waiting. He's had a second interview in December but not heard anything. He also got iioc on legal porn sites via pop ups, unfortunately he then became more and more addicted and fell down the rabbit hole of iioc. I wouldn't go by any time frames the police give you, as you can see we've waited nearly 2 and half years!

Leesha

Member since
June 2019

61 posts

Posted Mon March 20, 2023 2:07pmReport post

The waiting really is soul destroying. We were told 6 months of waiting from the knock back in 2019.. we then waited 4 years from the knock to sentencing. I haven't seen anyone else wait 4 years I think our waiting time was atrocious to be honest but it definitely will be a long wait unfortunately xx

Leesha

Member since
June 2019

61 posts

Posted Mon March 20, 2023 2:07pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Mon March 20, 2023 2:07pm

holdingon

Member since
March 2023

5 posts

Posted Mon March 20, 2023 2:30pmReport post

Oh Louise I am so sorry. I had never in my life even heard of an illegal pop up until all of this. It infuriates me. How could such an awful and disgusting thing exist on legal websites, and then innocent people are possibly subject to seeing something so horrible that they haven't looked for and falling down a hole. Hopefully soon things will be over for you :-(

Leesha, thank you for sharing your story. 4 years is an absolute ridiculous amount of time, oh my goodness!!! I am so sorry. I have no idea how you managed to make it through. I've already got new grey hairs and we aren't even a year in :-( It is weird how when people are sentenced they are suddenly the worst people in the world with all these restrictions but whilst under investigation we are just told to live our normal lives and do whatever we want with 0 urgency. This process is just so awful. I am sorry everyone here is experiencing this same stress and pain.

Louise49

Member since
January 2021

494 posts

Posted Mon March 20, 2023 2:32pmReport post

Leesha that's awful you waited that long, are you past sentencing now?. If so did the judge take into account the long wait?. I don't think it's fair at all. I think about it every single day, all the worries about social media, the papers, prison it eats me up

Leesha

Member since
June 2019

61 posts

Posted Mon March 20, 2023 3:05pmReport post

He was sentenced in January this year to 28 months, serving 14 months in prison, the judge took nothing into account really, he didn't care about the time we had wait or that fact that I now have to run our home alone. He also didn't take any of the hard work he'd done after his arrest with attending courses and therapy and holding down a full time job for the 4 years we waited either so when he's eventually out and we start to move on it'll be 5 years from the knock. I now have no faith in the police or the system after all of this it's been an awful journey xx

Summer

Member since
July 2019

394 posts

Posted Mon March 20, 2023 8:04pmReport post

I am shy of 4 years knock to sentencing but ongoing due to SS now involved again. It would have been over 4 from offence to sentancing. It's laughable that you can go about your daily no issues now all these restrictions placed upon him! Hard getting a job insurance etc for what purpose? I don't see anything of what they have done to protect the public to be honest!

Leesha

Member since
June 2019

61 posts

Posted Mon March 20, 2023 9:20pmReport post

I completely agree, he had no restrictions he had to chase them to get answers on when the end would be in sight it was ridiculous! He was deem very low risk.. obviously wasn't much of a priority for the 4 years we waited, he addressed his offending years ago has shown so much remorse, got the help he needed all by himself while we waited for an answer. So now hes in prison and will struggle to get any help in there.. then will come out and have all these restrictions, 5 years after. How they can expect people to move on after this is beyond me x

i don't mean to scare or worry anyone who is just starting this journey by telling them how long of a wait it can be and how at the end it might not be the outcome you're hoping for.. I'm praying me and my OH get through the next 12 months but it certainly has not been easy and I do struggle everyday but just knowing I'm not the only one going through this is a massive comfort and knowing I can come on here to rant has been such a blessing x