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My son had only just turned 16 ,when we got the first knock .He had thousands of all cats on his computer,and I thought it was the worst time of my life .after about a year he was given a caution.We had used lff,for therapy,and as he became an adult ,he had age appropriate relationships ,including intercourse,got an amazing job,and life was good .
We got the second knock over a year ago,my son swore it was nothing to do with him,and about 10 months later all devices were returned clean .
Fast forward ,another knock ,this time he was arrested and driven 3 hours away .He was held for 36 hours ,so I knew it was serious,remanded,and taken straight to court ,it seems he had made a fake FB account and was talking to a young girl of a sexual nature and has been charged with grooming ,and has been remanded until his case goes to crown in a month.
I feel so sick .I never brushed anything under the carpet .We had had therapy with lff after the first knock ,and he knew if he was struggling he could have talked to me,I wouldn't have judged or he knew where to go for help .Many times I would ask ,do you feel that was just a phase you were going through ...we talked about things .He has just lied and lied .I believe he is a psychopath,and not only has he destroyed his life ,but also mine .He is up in crown court in less than a month and I am praying that as it is a three hour drive away ,it might avoid press here,as my life will be over if it gets out .I am completely suicidal.I told him,I wouldn't stand by him a second time,and yet he still did it .There are no words ,I'm struggling like never before
We got the second knock over a year ago,my son swore it was nothing to do with him,and about 10 months later all devices were returned clean .
Fast forward ,another knock ,this time he was arrested and driven 3 hours away .He was held for 36 hours ,so I knew it was serious,remanded,and taken straight to court ,it seems he had made a fake FB account and was talking to a young girl of a sexual nature and has been charged with grooming ,and has been remanded until his case goes to crown in a month.
I feel so sick .I never brushed anything under the carpet .We had had therapy with lff after the first knock ,and he knew if he was struggling he could have talked to me,I wouldn't have judged or he knew where to go for help .Many times I would ask ,do you feel that was just a phase you were going through ...we talked about things .He has just lied and lied .I believe he is a psychopath,and not only has he destroyed his life ,but also mine .He is up in crown court in less than a month and I am praying that as it is a three hour drive away ,it might avoid press here,as my life will be over if it gets out .I am completely suicidal.I told him,I wouldn't stand by him a second time,and yet he still did it .There are no words ,I'm struggling like never before
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Thank you ,I really feel broken ????,there are no words are there ???? Given the fact that my son KNEW I'd help him with no stigma attached .I can't get my head around it at all !!he's not the person I thought he was and it's soooooo hurtful it really is xx
There really isn't much I can say to this accept I hope that nothing is reported in local news for you, please go and see your doctor or get some form of help for feeling suicidal. I know the likelihood is you don't really want to pop off this mortal coil but the thoughts are still present and can be disturbing. You deserve better and so much more than what you have been given xx
sending love hope and strength to you and lots of hugs xxx
sending love hope and strength to you and lots of hugs xxx
Every emotion you are feeling is valid and to be expected given the repeated trauma you have experienced. The love and support you've shown to your son is to be admired, many would have walked away before this point. You have absolutely no control over future events just as you had no control over the behaviour of your son. Despite your evident non judgemental support and unconditional love he has made repeated choices knowing the potential consequences, he had control where you did not.
He is your son but he is his own person. You have gone above and beyond and you did everything you possibly could. Your focus now needs to redirect inwards. Seek support for you, for your well-being and your mental health. Please speak to someone about your suicidal thoughts. Build your strength. You need to become your priority now. This world needs more people like you not less. x
He is your son but he is his own person. You have gone above and beyond and you did everything you possibly could. Your focus now needs to redirect inwards. Seek support for you, for your well-being and your mental health. Please speak to someone about your suicidal thoughts. Build your strength. You need to become your priority now. This world needs more people like you not less. x
Ah this is heartbreaking to read. I'm so sorry you are going through this again.
I hope and pray that it stays out of the media for you. Please look after yourself and look at getting some help for those dark thoughts. Xxx
I hope and pray that it stays out of the media for you. Please look after yourself and look at getting some help for those dark thoughts. Xxx
Hello DJ. After reading your post my heart goes out to you. I can imagine the shock...Us Mothers on here we do understand. You have been placed in a terrible position, there is not much you can do now except hold on for dear life...and hold on you will. That feeling of sinking sand is so overwhelming, reach out for help we are all here for you, take it minute by minute. Please don't let the fear consume you to the point that you make a rash decision. Sending so much love to you. Xxx
My heart really goes out to you DJ. Please take some time for yourself and reach out for help if you think you need it. As a mother we always want to protect our children, we love them unconditionally which you have done for your son. You did your best for him and you will continue to do so. You have no blame here. I hope that it stays out of the media and that somehow taking it just minute by minute you are able to get through this.
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I'm so sorry. Just so incredibly sorry.
Sending you love and strength xxx
Sending you love and strength xxx
I feel for you. This journey certainly brings you to your knees - right to the edge. I really don't know how I'd feel if my son went on to reoffend when he's released from prison.
I think I'd be quite angry with him to be honest. You've been a gem to support him. Not a lot to offer but just want to send you a hug x
I think I'd be quite angry with him to be honest. You've been a gem to support him. Not a lot to offer but just want to send you a hug x
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I am so very sorry.
You are not alone though we are all here for you and please reach out for help .
Sending you lots of hugs and strength x
You are not alone though we are all here for you and please reach out for help .
Sending you lots of hugs and strength x
Oh michelle. I am on here because of my son ,my greatest fear is that we go through all this agony and trauma and he then re offends. I totally get how lost ,let down and devastated you must feel. We too have told our son that we will be with him all the way on this journey but if he does it again I really dont think we could stand by him.(easier said than done I know) I think if I was your friend I would be advising you to take a step back, let this be his rock bottom and see what he is prepared to do to address his behaviour on his own. (Disclaimer dont honestly know if I could practice what I preach)You sound like you have given him all you can. He has made choices knowing the potential consequences and knowing how it could affect you. My heart breaks for you because as a mum I understand your pain.
djmichelle
Hi lovely my heart really does go out to you and I am so sorry xx
As everyone had already said there are no words except we are all here for you and please reach out for support
Be kind to yourself firstly you have done nothing wrong and been there for your son
Sending hugs, you are not alone xx
Hi lovely my heart really does go out to you and I am so sorry xx
As everyone had already said there are no words except we are all here for you and please reach out for support
Be kind to yourself firstly you have done nothing wrong and been there for your son
Sending hugs, you are not alone xx
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I had a long talk with him today,and he told me how he had rang the Samaritans last night.
He said mum I've never said this ,but when this is over I need to get long term help and regular meetings like you had for gamblers anonymous,because I have a problem and I need help .
I know it's come late,but at least he's admitting it and knows it needs addressing .
My heart is just breaking for both of us as I still love him ,and this is a disease,I don't believe it's a lifestyle choice .
He said mum I've never said this ,but when this is over I need to get long term help and regular meetings like you had for gamblers anonymous,because I have a problem and I need help .
I know it's come late,but at least he's admitting it and knows it needs addressing .
My heart is just breaking for both of us as I still love him ,and this is a disease,I don't believe it's a lifestyle choice .
Can I just thank everyone for their kind words ,it helps so much .I never thought I would have to tell my story again ,but unfortunately here I am xxx
Hello djmichelle
After reading your post I felt the need to reply, as I remember you from when you first posted back in 2020.
Sending you lots of strength and thinking of you, with what you are currrently dealing with.
It is good your son has spoken to you today with the realisation that he needs help, that is a huge step in the right direction.
Please take good care of yourself and speak with the LFF helpline for support.
After reading your post I felt the need to reply, as I remember you from when you first posted back in 2020.
Sending you lots of strength and thinking of you, with what you are currrently dealing with.
It is good your son has spoken to you today with the realisation that he needs help, that is a huge step in the right direction.
Please take good care of yourself and speak with the LFF helpline for support.
So glad you got to speak to him. Its good that he realises the help he needs. Take care of yourself. X
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Hi,
I'm not in the same position as you but I am a mom to two young adults. I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling right now but echo what has been said about seeking help for yourself as a priority. You can't pour from an empty cup. It may be possible for your son to call the helpline whilst on remand and begin to take steps to get back on track. It is positive that he has voiced his need for ongoing therapy. Try not to make any big decisions right now about your future relationship unless you absolutely need to for your own sanity. We will all absolutely sit with you through whatever this brings. Love and strength to you xxx
I'm not in the same position as you but I am a mom to two young adults. I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling right now but echo what has been said about seeking help for yourself as a priority. You can't pour from an empty cup. It may be possible for your son to call the helpline whilst on remand and begin to take steps to get back on track. It is positive that he has voiced his need for ongoing therapy. Try not to make any big decisions right now about your future relationship unless you absolutely need to for your own sanity. We will all absolutely sit with you through whatever this brings. Love and strength to you xxx
hi, I'm a bit nervous about posting on here and I don't want to gatecrash someone else's post but I am in a similar position to djmichelle, and going through it again, but for a slightly different reason. It is also my son.
Oh Saphire. Im so sorry. If you dont mind me asking how old is your son and has he had any sort of counselling?
sorry, only just seen your question. he is 33, and no he hasn't really had counselling, but he has been to prison before and did the horizon course, and also attended a LFF course when it happened the first time.
Oh sapphire ,thank you for messaging .If ever you feel the need to chat ,I'm on Mumsnet also as djmichelle. It's just horrendous isn't it ?x
Hi Djmichelle, I'm so so sorry you are going through this again. I can't imagine how it must feel. My son was also 16 at the time and unfortunately now has turned 18 during this horrendous process, like you Inhave told my son this is the one and inly time I will stand by him, if he was to re offend I have told him he is on his own( would I follow through with that? Who knows) what a horrible world we are now in xxx
I agree with that one. I told my son if he does anything like this again he is on his own. I just feel if he does he carnt love us...... or respect the pain we've been through.
Ive put so much at risk by even just talking to him - he has to realise that and hopefully never want to put us through this pain again!
Ive put so much at risk by even just talking to him - he has to realise that and hopefully never want to put us through this pain again!
I said that too, that I couldn't and wouldn't go through it again, but here I am. Is it because I supported him last time? so many different emotions this time, not coping too well.
I third this, as I said further up in the comments Myself and my husband can not do this a second time. We are giving him every opportunity to access the help he needs. We will pay whatever it takes. If he comes to us in the future BEFORE offending again looking for help we will get it for him with no judgement. It sounds like this poor mum did all that so it terrifies me.It would kill me but I would have to leave him to his own devices. I would point him in the right direction but he would have to do it alone. Just writing this breaks my heart so how I would cope in real life I dont know.
I wish those who are going through this strength to make the right decision for you. Sending Love. We are all here to support whatever xx
I wish those who are going through this strength to make the right decision for you. Sending Love. We are all here to support whatever xx
Saphire, so sorry for your situation. Sending you strength, please come on here as much as you need you will get great advice and support.
Djmichelle I'm so sorry this happened again. I am contacting you as my son is in a similar position as your son was first time. My son is 15 and we had the first knock, devices have been taken and lots of images will be found I think. I know you said your son got a caution first time. Did he have to go to court at all? I'm just wondering what the process may be. Thank you so much and I hope your son is doing okay? X