On the edge
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This just doesn't seem real.
But yesterday morning we had a knock on the door at 8am I looked outside an saw a police car, put my dressing gown on and went to open the door. 1 police officer there, I said I expect your here to check my OH is abiding by his bail conditions hey. Well he is and is staying at his parents. Officer looked shocked, said sorry I've absolutely no idea what your talking about, I'm here to speak about your youngest son. So totally confused I woke my son up and then the officer went on to say, that my 13yo son had sent an IIOC!!! My god I nearly fainted. Son was in bits, he said he had been sent a pic of a girl in school, he felt sorry for her so contacted her to tell her the image was being sent around, she asked what the image was so he sent it to her, she thanked him for looking out for her and he deleted it, obviously her family rang the police, she confirmed that my Son had kindly warned her and she was grateful to him. BUT in doing so he had broken the law and distributed an IIOC. My poor son thought he was doing the right thing and this happens, the school has been informed and he has to go to the police station to attend some kind of awareness course and it goes on his record. There is 5 other kids involved that the officer was going to speak to. The officer in fairness was really nice he even apologised that he had to do it, but said as that is the law he had no other option.
How much more can I take I literally feel like on the verge of a nervous breakdown
But yesterday morning we had a knock on the door at 8am I looked outside an saw a police car, put my dressing gown on and went to open the door. 1 police officer there, I said I expect your here to check my OH is abiding by his bail conditions hey. Well he is and is staying at his parents. Officer looked shocked, said sorry I've absolutely no idea what your talking about, I'm here to speak about your youngest son. So totally confused I woke my son up and then the officer went on to say, that my 13yo son had sent an IIOC!!! My god I nearly fainted. Son was in bits, he said he had been sent a pic of a girl in school, he felt sorry for her so contacted her to tell her the image was being sent around, she asked what the image was so he sent it to her, she thanked him for looking out for her and he deleted it, obviously her family rang the police, she confirmed that my Son had kindly warned her and she was grateful to him. BUT in doing so he had broken the law and distributed an IIOC. My poor son thought he was doing the right thing and this happens, the school has been informed and he has to go to the police station to attend some kind of awareness course and it goes on his record. There is 5 other kids involved that the officer was going to speak to. The officer in fairness was really nice he even apologised that he had to do it, but said as that is the law he had no other option.
How much more can I take I literally feel like on the verge of a nervous breakdown
My goodness, bless you how horrific, your poor son must be terrified. It just shows you how an innocent gesture like your boys can get him in trouble.
I hate social media etc, I dread the time when my grandchildren have a mobile phone with internet access. I think the internet for youngsters (and vulnerable adults like my son) is a dangerous place, but unfortunately part of our lives nowadays.
a heartfelt hug sent x
I hate social media etc, I dread the time when my grandchildren have a mobile phone with internet access. I think the internet for youngsters (and vulnerable adults like my son) is a dangerous place, but unfortunately part of our lives nowadays.
a heartfelt hug sent x
Morning Clarkestaff
So sorry read thos has happened to your son he must be terrified and of course so worrying for you xx
He was just trying to do the right thing,
Sending strength and hugs xx
So sorry read thos has happened to your son he must be terrified and of course so worrying for you xx
He was just trying to do the right thing,
Sending strength and hugs xx
Thank you x
I just feel lost today, how are you supposed to parent in these times, I've done everything to try an teach my children about morals and values and when my son does follow my advice and do what he thought was the right thing, this is what happens.
I feel so sorry for him, he's heartbroken and especially with everything else that's going on in our lives at the moment.
It's just not fair
I just feel lost today, how are you supposed to parent in these times, I've done everything to try an teach my children about morals and values and when my son does follow my advice and do what he thought was the right thing, this is what happens.
I feel so sorry for him, he's heartbroken and especially with everything else that's going on in our lives at the moment.
It's just not fair
Oh this must have been such a horrible experience for you. First of all your son acted with good intentions, and that is commendable. He had not been seeking out these images and he tried to do the right thing when he received the image. I hope the police take all that into account and I suspect they will want to frighten the life out of the boys who have shared this image.
He will have learnt a hard lesson, but please protect his mental health by reassuring him that you understand his good intentions. This sort of thing must happen all the time I wish education on this was stronger
Finally look after yourself. Take a big breath I think if this incident had happened when you were not dealing with your husbands issues then it probably wouldnt hit you so hard.
Unfortunately although we are all in the middle of a sh*tstorm not of our making it doesnt stop life throwing other crap our way to deal with.
Sending love and support to you and your son.
He will have learnt a hard lesson, but please protect his mental health by reassuring him that you understand his good intentions. This sort of thing must happen all the time I wish education on this was stronger
Finally look after yourself. Take a big breath I think if this incident had happened when you were not dealing with your husbands issues then it probably wouldnt hit you so hard.
Unfortunately although we are all in the middle of a sh*tstorm not of our making it doesnt stop life throwing other crap our way to deal with.
Sending love and support to you and your son.
Bless you, what an absolute nightmare. I genuinely think your son will be okay as it will be abundantly clear he wasn't doing it for sexual purposes and not just that but he was actually trying to help the victim and prevent an actual crime from furthering, he's actually a little superstar! He may have broken the law but he had very valid reasons and is a baby himself, the police tend to be more lenient in these scenarios although they may not with those sent it maliciously. Sending you both a big hug xx
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This is such a heartbreaking situation.
I'm so sorry for your son, he thought he was doing the right thing.
Give him a big hug and tell him he's a lovely friend and that just because this time it's gone wrong, he must never be put off trying to be a good person or doing the right things. This is a very unfortunate way to learn about sharing pics and a lesson he won't forget xx
I'm so sorry for your son, he thought he was doing the right thing.
Give him a big hug and tell him he's a lovely friend and that just because this time it's gone wrong, he must never be put off trying to be a good person or doing the right things. This is a very unfortunate way to learn about sharing pics and a lesson he won't forget xx
Oh god, you poor poor things. I hope the police recognise your son's exemplary behaviour.
I had not thought to have this conversation with my kids.
thinking of you lots xxx
I had not thought to have this conversation with my kids.
thinking of you lots xxx
This makes me so angry and sad-your son was doing a good thing and trying to help someone else and he gets treated like this .
Please reassure him that he is a good person and please take care of yourself xx
Please reassure him that he is a good person and please take care of yourself xx
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Hi,
Thanks you all for the lovely positive replies, it really does make a difference.
My son has been out playing with his friends all day and seems alot better now, although I'll be keeping a close eye on him, as for me, I'll get through it because we have to !
The police officer did say there would be a reference to say that my son did it with the best intentions and that they would also be making the school aware of that.
He is anxious about having to go on the awareness course, but I've said I'll go in with him, surely he won't have to do it on his own at 13.
There will be no further action as far as I'm aware other than it being documented on his records!
I've just poured a very large glass of wine and I'm going to sit and enjoy it.
I must be due some bloody good luck soon x
Thanks you all for the lovely positive replies, it really does make a difference.
My son has been out playing with his friends all day and seems alot better now, although I'll be keeping a close eye on him, as for me, I'll get through it because we have to !
The police officer did say there would be a reference to say that my son did it with the best intentions and that they would also be making the school aware of that.
He is anxious about having to go on the awareness course, but I've said I'll go in with him, surely he won't have to do it on his own at 13.
There will be no further action as far as I'm aware other than it being documented on his records!
I've just poured a very large glass of wine and I'm going to sit and enjoy it.
I must be due some bloody good luck soon x
Oh wow, I find this situation heartbreaking, sad, and an extremely upsetting sign of the times. I really hope common sense prevails and your son is recogised and given credit for his thoughtful and respectful approach to what must have been a very difficult issue for him. I recognise I do not have the full facts and context, and I mean the following in the most well intentioned way possible, so I hope will be taken in the spirit intended. I wonder if the girl was involved in production/distribution in the first place, ie, was the photo a selfie she took herself, or was she a willing participant in the picture being taken? Did she at any point send it to someone else, or encourage its sending? And can it be called 'distribution' if your son sent the picture back to the originator/subject of the photo (and to noone else), especially at her own request? I do not know the law or guidance on this, but if so, are there grounds for her to be investigated for production/making/distribution etc? It makes me extremely uncomfortable that the burden of blame and guilt seems to always fall on the young men in our lives (acknowledging that they are not always blameless). I don't think I've heard of a case of a teenage girl being picked up for having or sharing material when surely this material is as accessible to girls as boys, and they must in some cases be responsible for its creation. Please put me straight if I've got any of this wrong.
Hi intatters,
As far as I know, the girl had taken a photo of herself and sent to a boy, the boy then distributed it on Snapchat, my son was sent it by another girl. He then contacted the original girl directly to tell her he had been sent it and asked if she was aware it was being distributed around, he then made the mistake of sending her the picture. She then thanked him for letting her know and contacted the police.
Now the police officer didn't go into details but he said he had multiple kids to go and see in regards to it and that some were in more trouble than others. He did give my son credit for trying to do the right thing but unfortunately he had broken the law in doing so. According to the law !!!!
As far as I know, the girl had taken a photo of herself and sent to a boy, the boy then distributed it on Snapchat, my son was sent it by another girl. He then contacted the original girl directly to tell her he had been sent it and asked if she was aware it was being distributed around, he then made the mistake of sending her the picture. She then thanked him for letting her know and contacted the police.
Now the police officer didn't go into details but he said he had multiple kids to go and see in regards to it and that some were in more trouble than others. He did give my son credit for trying to do the right thing but unfortunately he had broken the law in doing so. According to the law !!!!
Unfortunately many young people are getting entangled on the wrong side of the law when it comes to things like this. It is actually illegal for under 18s to send explicit pictures of themselves and this would be classed as distribution even though it's themselves! The Police and the CJS do have room to work appropriately around the law and don't treat it in the same way they do if the person involved is over 18, it's dependant on the circumstances and discretion is involved.
It really is vital schools raise awareness of this in the age of Snapchat, social media etc. because so many teens will not be aware of the law. I know Surrey police did a campaign a few years ago to raise awareness but it really should be part of the curriculum to help protect kids not just from their own actions but also in regards to grooming and safe use of the internet.
It really is vital schools raise awareness of this in the age of Snapchat, social media etc. because so many teens will not be aware of the law. I know Surrey police did a campaign a few years ago to raise awareness but it really should be part of the curriculum to help protect kids not just from their own actions but also in regards to grooming and safe use of the internet.
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I've been digging for the report I found about this but I'm struggling to find it. I made an awareness video so all I have is a screenshot with the below information. I'm sure in the report it stated teenage girls had a higher rate of arrests but I need to find the report properly to confirm. This is what I included in my video:
"While the magnitude of the increase is reducing, there remains a significant upward trend year on year.
2011/12 - 2012/13: +375% 2012/13 - 2013/14: +100% 2013/14 - 2014/15: +76% 2014/15 - 2015/16: +51% 2015/16 - 2016/17: +47% Children (under 18) are increasingly being recorded as suspect/offender on IIOC offences. This predominantly relates to taking and sending of indecent images of themselves and others in their peer group, or sexting" which is reported as becoming a cultural norm for young people. The majority are in the 13 to 15 age category, with the youngest age of child recorded as a suspect being 7 years old. In the last 3 financial years, children make up the largest group of suspects recorded on IIOC offences. In line with national guidance these offences are likely to be subject to no further action (NFA) after assessment of risk and vulnerability however the crime record remains. When breaking the age groups down further, the largest age group of offenders/suspects are the over 18s, with the 13-15 age category the next greatest."
"While the magnitude of the increase is reducing, there remains a significant upward trend year on year.
2011/12 - 2012/13: +375% 2012/13 - 2013/14: +100% 2013/14 - 2014/15: +76% 2014/15 - 2015/16: +51% 2015/16 - 2016/17: +47% Children (under 18) are increasingly being recorded as suspect/offender on IIOC offences. This predominantly relates to taking and sending of indecent images of themselves and others in their peer group, or sexting" which is reported as becoming a cultural norm for young people. The majority are in the 13 to 15 age category, with the youngest age of child recorded as a suspect being 7 years old. In the last 3 financial years, children make up the largest group of suspects recorded on IIOC offences. In line with national guidance these offences are likely to be subject to no further action (NFA) after assessment of risk and vulnerability however the crime record remains. When breaking the age groups down further, the largest age group of offenders/suspects are the over 18s, with the 13-15 age category the next greatest."
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What interesting, thought provoking comments.... I agree - with youngsters, you always tread a fine line with these subjects as it leads to curiosity! We all know if you say A to a teenager they automically turn towards rebellion and B!!!! To be honest that always existed......
Trouble is the worm can turn on social media and passing round photographs of each other is rife. Great when nice and friendly but it has a nasty side, especially when relationships change. My grandson showed me how you can distort faces and I thought even that was horrible!
Then it moves on to a sexual theme, high on hormones - they don't see they are breaking the law, on your phone - no one can see! It's so fraught with danger, it scares me......
As a parent I would keep mobiles off the agenda as long as possible. But they thrive for this technology - we're all hooked on it! Again scares me.....
Trouble is the worm can turn on social media and passing round photographs of each other is rife. Great when nice and friendly but it has a nasty side, especially when relationships change. My grandson showed me how you can distort faces and I thought even that was horrible!
Then it moves on to a sexual theme, high on hormones - they don't see they are breaking the law, on your phone - no one can see! It's so fraught with danger, it scares me......
As a parent I would keep mobiles off the agenda as long as possible. But they thrive for this technology - we're all hooked on it! Again scares me.....
SoTired,
I posted videos on a social media account about a year ago I had a decent number of followers on but I had to delete my account in the run up to changing careers as I spoke about many different topics and I didn't want to be potentially accused of being biased in certain areas in the future.
I agree, I think people on here are more well versed on this nature of offending and often know more than some police, solicitors and the government. I think the government themselves know certain changes are needed but a lot of people are scared to make them or suggest them because of the backlash that often happens whenever people make valid suggestions.
I posted videos on a social media account about a year ago I had a decent number of followers on but I had to delete my account in the run up to changing careers as I spoke about many different topics and I didn't want to be potentially accused of being biased in certain areas in the future.
I agree, I think people on here are more well versed on this nature of offending and often know more than some police, solicitors and the government. I think the government themselves know certain changes are needed but a lot of people are scared to make them or suggest them because of the backlash that often happens whenever people make valid suggestions.
One thing going through this nightmare makes you do as a mum is go back and examine every parenting choice you made.
Ive tortured myself lying awake in the early hours thinking of conversations I wish I had with my son, and then wondering if it would have made a difference.
I was so ignorant of all this. Even now when I want to shout from the rooftops for everyone to keep a much closer eye on their teenage sons online activity but the shame and stigma stops me.
So we all end up talking to each other here which is not really going to prevent any future brokenhearted mums and partners.
Ive tortured myself lying awake in the early hours thinking of conversations I wish I had with my son, and then wondering if it would have made a difference.
I was so ignorant of all this. Even now when I want to shout from the rooftops for everyone to keep a much closer eye on their teenage sons online activity but the shame and stigma stops me.
So we all end up talking to each other here which is not really going to prevent any future brokenhearted mums and partners.
Oh how we'd love to go back in time and question/change things. With hand on heart - a couple of times I should heard alarm bells and confronted my son.
But not one of us (in a million years) think our loved one is involved in this stuff, it doesn't even cross our minds. That's why shock is a prominent emotion throughout this journey.
But not one of us (in a million years) think our loved one is involved in this stuff, it doesn't even cross our minds. That's why shock is a prominent emotion throughout this journey.
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