Family and Friends Forum

Help for children of offenders

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Mumof2

Member since
December 2018

21 posts

Posted Mon May 27, 2019 11:49pmReport post

Good evening everyone,

I haven’t posted in a while but hope everyone is as well as can be.

I’ve had a few tough weeks as we are expecting my ex partner to be released from prison any day now really. I have been told that we will be informed a few weeks before hand but it’s just hanging over our heads.

My gorgeous, brave daughter now knows about her dads offences and I have been honest and answered any questions she has had. She is disgusted at what he has done and doesn’t want anything to do with him or his family.

She has been so distressed this evening and is understandably worried about her dads impending release. I have spoken to her about counselling and she is open to this, I’m also getting her booked in with our GP too just to see if they can offer any support. Do the LFF offer any services to children of offenders or is it just partners/ex-partners or adult family members or friends?

I just don’t know where to turn as the last few months have been relatively stable but now we’re getting to the end point, then what will happen upon his release?

Any help/pointing in the right direction would be much appreciated xx

Mumof2

Member since
December 2018

21 posts

Posted Wed May 29, 2019 9:28pmReport post

Thank you poster xx

We have been to our local MIND service today and they have put my daughter on the waiting list for 121 counselling.

She was so brave and open with them today and I am so proud of how strong she has been.

We had also been to the GP yesterday and they said they would have referred her to them too, so I'm just extremely lucky we managed to get her an appointment today.

I'm still debating whether to access some counselling myself, this was also recommended to me whilst in the session with my daughter today.

Now that she is on the waiting list (they've said it could take around 4-6 weeks) I will hang fire with the school although I think they would also refer to the same service.

I'm still so angry that we, as the protective parent, are left to pick up the pieces of what he has done. I'm so proud of both of my children for being so strong and resilient, they have and still are getting me through this.

xx

Edited by moderator Wed July 8, 2020 1:30pm

Sillyac

Member since
June 2019

56 posts

Posted Mon June 17, 2019 7:39pmReport post

Hi Mumof2 & poster

I hope you’re both doing ok?

I have told my eldest daughter as much as I think I am able to, she’s 12.5 & asked me to be honest with her.

My ex-husband is under investigation and has been since August 2017. I’ve had to hide so much from the children, which is just so difficult to do isn’t it.

Can I ask what your partners/husbands/ex-husbands have been convicted of? If they have now been convicted?

My biggest concern are the repercussions of what he might’ve done do to the children.

My youngest should be none the wiser as she’s only 5 nearmy, but my eldest is in secondary school. Thankfully she doesn’t use social media right now as I’ve managed to keep her away from all of that and stopped using it myself. We were a reasonably small family that knew a lot of people, so I am massively concerned that we’ll be targeted.

He has recently got re-married and doesn’t see the children anymore so hoping that has helped us, but I also feel bad for his new wife....

Edited by moderator Wed July 8, 2020 1:30pm

Sillyac

Member since
June 2019

56 posts

Posted Mon June 17, 2019 7:41pmReport post

^*my biggest concern is that the repercussions might affect the children. Is what I mean as just read that back and realise it doesn’t make sense, sorry

Sillyac

Member since
June 2019

56 posts

Posted Wed June 19, 2019 6:24pmReport post

Hi

Thank you for replying. I’m not sure what my ex will get charged with as yet. It’s the waiting isn’t it - just awful.

You are right that we have both moved on with our lives, well he has anyway. But in such a short space of time so much has happened and protecting my children is always at the top of anything I do.

Thank you x

Rainbow

Member since
January 2019

282 posts

Posted Sun June 30, 2019 9:47amReport post

I was quite disappointed with ss in my case. After conviction they just phoned me asked what my plan is and closed the case. Whilst I'm pleased they closed it I would have like them to talk about what support my kids could get. She just expected me to say separated and that's that but in reality he needs to still pay bills etc.

Sillyac

Member since
June 2019

56 posts

Posted Sun June 30, 2019 8:57pmReport post

Hi Rainbow

My concern is they will suddenly get in contact if and when he is charged.

I’m quite pleased they’ve not been in contact at all, but then wonder why.

Hope you’re ok x