Family and Friends Forum

Hi, although the thought of sentencing is incredibly stressful for all concerned, it is something that has to happen to bring this part of the journey to an end. I didn't go to court but my husbands sentencing was adjourned numerous times so sometimes the stress of the day is repeated. I hope not in your case. Your son should be told by his legal representative what time to attend but it can involve a great deal of time waiting around. He will need to take a bag, contact phone numbers and some money just in case. Are you planning on attending with him? I hope your son is doing ok with sentencing approaching. Sending you strength xx

Hi Mandymoo,

We went through this very recently, it wasn't as bad as I expected. My son didn't want us in the courtroom itself (and I'd suggest for your own mental health you don't go in, you won't gain anything from it) so we sat outside. You won't be given the time until the night before and even then, as Life said, be prepared for a lot of waiting around. Check with your barrister but you son should take a prison bag just in case (not much prepares you for seeing your son with a prison bag so brace yourself for that one). In the bag should be comfy clothing - tracksuit bottoms, hoodie etc, flipflops, a book, a list of contact names and numbers in duplicate and around £200 in cash. No toiletries.

Re. character references, these should be addressed 'To whom it may concern'; some guidelines below in brief:



- The referee and details of their job if relevant, their relationship to your son and the length of that relationship, acknowledgement of your son's charges, whether your son has spoken to them about what he's done and how he feels about it, the impact on them and their family, actions taken since e.g. counselling; personal problems that may have played a part in their crime, what they're doing to overcome those problems, referee's opinion of your son's general character including their achievements in life.

My husband and I wrote separate references, his counsellor produced a report for us and a family friend wrote a character reference. These were all submitted to our barrister a few days before the hearing.

It's tough on the lead up but truly, the day of court itself was almost a relief that nearly two years of waiting was over. We were lucky that we had a good result, but just remember whatever happens, this is the beginning of the end. Wishing you the very best xx

I didn't go into the courtroom for either. My husband went into the plea hearing - he's very laidback and nothing much fazes him but he looked pretty awful afterwards. He wouldn't say much about it but he said it was horrible. My relationship with my son has been difficult since he was charged; we're in a good place now but I knew that if I had to sit through court it would make me angry with him all over again.

I absolutely understand your anxiety and personally I'd suggest you don't go in; I don't think you'll gain anything from it. Presumably your barrister will be going in with your son? Just go to court and wait, you can support your son fully in that way and actually, the waiting around is the most stressful bit so that's where he'll need you. Once he's in the courtroom there's nothing you can do. And don't feel guilty about not going in - us mums and partners take a huge hammering throughout this hideous process and you have to look after yourself x

I went into the court with my OH. I did because I had heard from others on here that things had been disclosed in court that their person had not told them. I wanted to be sure that I had all of the facts. I feel I need them as my person is the father of my children.

The charges are read and then the solicitor from each side puts their case for what ever sentence they feel appropriate. Our solicitor also told the magistrates of all of the work my OH had done on making changes.

I wanted the magistrates to see that my OH had support to stay on the right track. I'm glad I was in there, it wasn't easy but the way I viewed it, I could cope with the stress of being in there but would not be able to turn the clock back if I regretted not being there.

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We got 3 references together me and both of my in laws. I went with my oh to court just the two of us. Anxiety through the roof but I needed to go one to find out if there was more to it and two I couldn't let him go alone he was petrified. We first spoke to his solicitor to make sure everything was ok. Make sure you get the shpo conditions in advance they tried putting contact and travel on ours and we managed to get it taken off because it was an online offence.once it's official it's hard to get anything changed. He took a bag with him and had to sit in the dock. There's seating for family but please be aware media are also allowed to sit in that area we didn't have any in there but they took his story off the online link to the room so was in the paper. Our experience inside court was weird and I think abit different to other stories I've read. We was inside court for all of 4 minutes I think it was. Someone on the link spoke and basically re said everything that was on the oh paperwork then our solicitor started by saying if it was to be a prison sentence the judge cut her off said it would be suspended she said thanks and should she continue he said no and that was pretty much it. He spoke to my oh and said if he was to return again he would send him down and that was it. I hope that helps like I said I was expecting what you see on the Tele it was nothing like it on our case

A fantastic post Quand - love will conquer all., so inspiring x

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