Advocates
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Bear with me...
Imagine if there was an advocates service specifically for families who experience the knock. A specialist who had oversight of what was to come and could advise us? To know the steps of what was to come from an investigation side of things to SS and CP side of things. Ones who could represent our experiences and views, who was knowledgeable in the trauma response to being a non offending person having to hold together a family and prove that we are protective?
Imagine if there was an advocates service specifically for families who experience the knock. A specialist who had oversight of what was to come and could advise us? To know the steps of what was to come from an investigation side of things to SS and CP side of things. Ones who could represent our experiences and views, who was knowledgeable in the trauma response to being a non offending person having to hold together a family and prove that we are protective?
I've seen that there is a pilot re the police but that's only one part of the journey.
I think for most of us, we have no clue and experience shocks and traumas repeatedly as a result. Until we are affected by this, many of us have never heard of LFF, that's why I was thinking imagine if there was an overview advocate service that could let you know what was to come, with understanding of how it affects families to different degrees who could just be there for you to help navigate
I think for most of us, we have no clue and experience shocks and traumas repeatedly as a result. Until we are affected by this, many of us have never heard of LFF, that's why I was thinking imagine if there was an overview advocate service that could let you know what was to come, with understanding of how it affects families to different degrees who could just be there for you to help navigate
Was looking at the ROSA project the other day too. You're Scotland aren't you Lee? If I remember correctly.
Oh my word, where on earth have I got Scotland from then? Sorry
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We've crossed paths there in posting
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Hi So Tired....I was thinking about this last week. I know I am being ambitious for somebody else, I think Lee would be the perfect candidate.
When we had the "knock" I was left in such a state of shock something most of us on here have experienced, I was given a leaflet. I had to take my child to school as I normally would, I was shaking with terror of the unknown. I couldn't grasp what was going on.
Fast forward 5 hours from the knock I was in the police station acting as my Son's appropriate adult..(He has Autism) while he was being questioned.
We came out of the police station he broke down crying on the street, he was in a terrible state and we got the train home, then I had to go back to school to pick my child up.
No support, no help, absolutely nothing. My Son and I could not eat nor sleep and I was trying to hold it all in for my little one. I could not stop crying for weeks I just couldn't make sense of it all.
When the social workers came she said to me this is serious!....no shit sherlock, it's not like we didnt have an inkling of how serious it is. In all fairness to the social worker she is one of the decent ones.
Sorry I know I started rambling....yes there is a massive need for help for guidance for reassurance for anything.
Families of offenders are deliberately overlooked and not seen as a priority as we don't want to shout it from the rooftops the powers that be know this and it's just another thing that they dont have to deal with.
The government use sex offenders and the punishment of them to sway voters so they can be seen to be "cleaning up"
The general public are mostly so programmable and full of hatred and fear for the offenders, the newspapers and reporting methods feed into peoples neurosis given them a feeling of self righteousness.
I remember before my Son was arrested, I was at a friend's house the ( tel lie vision) was on, it was the puppets from Loose woman hosting the circus...they were putting it to the audience as well as sowing seeds, they started debating if sex offenders should be forced to have the coronavirus vaccine, I knew what they were saying was wrong and that is just one example of how they are portrayed. They could have started a debate about how easy it is to access ILOC on the internet, or how does rehabilitation help and are there enough resources!
Anyway as you can see from the above I have gone completely off track. The answer is yes yes yes we need help.
If anyone has got this far congratulations and sleep well...lol. x
When we had the "knock" I was left in such a state of shock something most of us on here have experienced, I was given a leaflet. I had to take my child to school as I normally would, I was shaking with terror of the unknown. I couldn't grasp what was going on.
Fast forward 5 hours from the knock I was in the police station acting as my Son's appropriate adult..(He has Autism) while he was being questioned.
We came out of the police station he broke down crying on the street, he was in a terrible state and we got the train home, then I had to go back to school to pick my child up.
No support, no help, absolutely nothing. My Son and I could not eat nor sleep and I was trying to hold it all in for my little one. I could not stop crying for weeks I just couldn't make sense of it all.
When the social workers came she said to me this is serious!....no shit sherlock, it's not like we didnt have an inkling of how serious it is. In all fairness to the social worker she is one of the decent ones.
Sorry I know I started rambling....yes there is a massive need for help for guidance for reassurance for anything.
Families of offenders are deliberately overlooked and not seen as a priority as we don't want to shout it from the rooftops the powers that be know this and it's just another thing that they dont have to deal with.
The government use sex offenders and the punishment of them to sway voters so they can be seen to be "cleaning up"
The general public are mostly so programmable and full of hatred and fear for the offenders, the newspapers and reporting methods feed into peoples neurosis given them a feeling of self righteousness.
I remember before my Son was arrested, I was at a friend's house the ( tel lie vision) was on, it was the puppets from Loose woman hosting the circus...they were putting it to the audience as well as sowing seeds, they started debating if sex offenders should be forced to have the coronavirus vaccine, I knew what they were saying was wrong and that is just one example of how they are portrayed. They could have started a debate about how easy it is to access ILOC on the internet, or how does rehabilitation help and are there enough resources!
Anyway as you can see from the above I have gone completely off track. The answer is yes yes yes we need help.
If anyone has got this far congratulations and sleep well...lol. x
Jumping in on the first paragraph! Also me! Dropped son off at school, then acted as appropriate adult for adolescent son with undiagnosed ASD
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So tired...I literally feel your pain, I was so terrified that my Son was going to commit suicide, it was so painful and distressing. A few weeks after the arrest I came home and couldn't get the front door open, I knew he was home, my legs just buckled and I started frantically calling him, he casually answered the door as it was jammed, I was so happy to see him.
As Mothers and wives we are left to pick up everything, spinning all the plates, we really do have to give ourselves credit for the strength we never knew we had.
If the government stopped spending millions of pounds on adverts and posters for mental health they could use that money to actually help people.
So tired, I hope that you and your Son are both doing well and coming out of the other side. Xx
As Mothers and wives we are left to pick up everything, spinning all the plates, we really do have to give ourselves credit for the strength we never knew we had.
If the government stopped spending millions of pounds on adverts and posters for mental health they could use that money to actually help people.
So tired, I hope that you and your Son are both doing well and coming out of the other side. Xx
And then I bet when you got that door opened, you tried your level best to act normally, because you wanted to protect him from you? Your emotions, fears and paranoia? I've been there too! The relief. The wanting to just sit and cry but you can't, because your his mum! And you can do everything!
We are utter warriors! I know I've said this a million times on here but I think society would be hard pressed to find a stronger bunch of women than us! And in the meantime we make party teas, we make burgers and chips in baskets to make us feel like we're having posh camping teas, we play monopoly billionaire and we drink in postive moments with our family that they can bank as "normal" in abnormal circumstances because we want to build a positive and not ACE destroying experiences because WE ARE protective parents!!! We want the world for our children x
Every single day, we get up, and we keep going because our family need us to!
xxx
We are utter warriors! I know I've said this a million times on here but I think society would be hard pressed to find a stronger bunch of women than us! And in the meantime we make party teas, we make burgers and chips in baskets to make us feel like we're having posh camping teas, we play monopoly billionaire and we drink in postive moments with our family that they can bank as "normal" in abnormal circumstances because we want to build a positive and not ACE destroying experiences because WE ARE protective parents!!! We want the world for our children x
Every single day, we get up, and we keep going because our family need us to!
xxx
That's exactly it So Tired. That's what we do and that's in between working shopping cooking cleaning, appointments phone calls. Going above and beyond to keep it as normal as possible for the little ones, also keeping our boys on track.
What we have learned to do is support ourselves and each other.
I definitely feel if there was an opportunity for me to help women in our positions I wouldn't think twice about it, it's only us who have already walked this journey that can help. We know the pain the fear because we have felt it.
I am going to sleep now, good to connect. God bless..x
What we have learned to do is support ourselves and each other.
I definitely feel if there was an opportunity for me to help women in our positions I wouldn't think twice about it, it's only us who have already walked this journey that can help. We know the pain the fear because we have felt it.
I am going to sleep now, good to connect. God bless..x
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I agree with all said ladies. The treatment we got was awful, the police very falsely attempted to be kind but I could see straight through it now, then just a leaflet thrust at us! Think the kindness was just part of nailing my son......
Absolutely no back up for us whatsoever. They came to rape (search) our home, we both cried at the time - we're not youngsters - we'd never been in trouble with the law. My heart aches when I think back to it......
Again, said SO many times dealing with this crime needs a massive upheaval, they easily do it with other crimes, why not this one?
Absolutely no back up for us whatsoever. They came to rape (search) our home, we both cried at the time - we're not youngsters - we'd never been in trouble with the law. My heart aches when I think back to it......
Again, said SO many times dealing with this crime needs a massive upheaval, they easily do it with other crimes, why not this one?
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Dear Forum Users
We would like to confirm that our facilitators do contact Officers In Charge (OIC) of their cases when they would like to participate in one of our programmes sometimes. This is simply from a safety perspective, for us to be informed if there are any unknown risks, especially to themselves, that we need to be aware of. We do not share information during this conversation other than your loved one interested in completing the programme. We do not do this for our Inform programme (for loved ones).
We hope this provides clarity and reassurance.
Kind Regards
The Forum Team
We would like to confirm that our facilitators do contact Officers In Charge (OIC) of their cases when they would like to participate in one of our programmes sometimes. This is simply from a safety perspective, for us to be informed if there are any unknown risks, especially to themselves, that we need to be aware of. We do not share information during this conversation other than your loved one interested in completing the programme. We do not do this for our Inform programme (for loved ones).
We hope this provides clarity and reassurance.
Kind Regards
The Forum Team
I have been giving this some thought and completely agree that there should be a way for advocates to support people-Lee you would be fantastic at this.
The other thing I was thinking was that the whole experience of the knock and impact on families would make a very interesting storyline in one of the soaps and hopefully help to raise awareness of how easy it is for people to make one mistake which then affects not only their lives but the lives of family members as well-not sure how you would go about suggesting this though to the relevant channels.
The other thing I was thinking was that the whole experience of the knock and impact on families would make a very interesting storyline in one of the soaps and hopefully help to raise awareness of how easy it is for people to make one mistake which then affects not only their lives but the lives of family members as well-not sure how you would go about suggesting this though to the relevant channels.
I totally agree that some system of advocates would be an amazing support. I am only two months in to this and have been thinking a lot about how I would want to help someone in my scenario when I start to come through this. Its such a uniquely awful experience and just been left with a leaflet by the police is not enough. Lucy Faithfull are wonderful but it would also help so much to have some kind of "mentor" to get through it
Let's see, police were round the next day questioning me about my OH behaviour online, no leaflet, no support and down right rude.
ss, first sw didn't even bother seeing my children, second spent all her time on her phone "taking notes" wouldn't even look at you when talking, third told me to get a divorce at my weakest state (found out later they shouldn't do that), FSW told me to get divorced too, but accepted what I was saying, forth was abusive towards my children and therefore put in a major complaint with social services about her and their lack of support and not following their own plan (Cpp) of which I and my children are expected to follow to the letter. Currently awaiting getting a fifth sw as still undergoing the complaint I put in.
at no point have they offered a LFF leaflet (police or ss), no support of any kind actually had to fight to get a FSW and currently don't have one as lost the last one when the third sw left as the whole teams contract ended.
put on Cpp when I haven't done anything wrong but I must attend parenting classes when I have slapped my DD a grand total of once in her entire life which was for lying. (Which isn't illegal).
The only reason I know of Stopso or LFF is because I searched for a support group for this type of thing. I was and am gutted by this whole experience and still bar you all on here have no support. Advocates are greatly needed
ss, first sw didn't even bother seeing my children, second spent all her time on her phone "taking notes" wouldn't even look at you when talking, third told me to get a divorce at my weakest state (found out later they shouldn't do that), FSW told me to get divorced too, but accepted what I was saying, forth was abusive towards my children and therefore put in a major complaint with social services about her and their lack of support and not following their own plan (Cpp) of which I and my children are expected to follow to the letter. Currently awaiting getting a fifth sw as still undergoing the complaint I put in.
at no point have they offered a LFF leaflet (police or ss), no support of any kind actually had to fight to get a FSW and currently don't have one as lost the last one when the third sw left as the whole teams contract ended.
put on Cpp when I haven't done anything wrong but I must attend parenting classes when I have slapped my DD a grand total of once in her entire life which was for lying. (Which isn't illegal).
The only reason I know of Stopso or LFF is because I searched for a support group for this type of thing. I was and am gutted by this whole experience and still bar you all on here have no support. Advocates are greatly needed
Oh my word, was not expecting 14 notifications.
Lee, that's brilliant! Thank you! Pleased it could be something that could potentially be brought to fruition.
Everyone has had so many different but similar experiences to each other. I feel momentum may be rising to hopefully deal with the issues x
As I've said before, I cannot complain about SS as they have been good with us generally. However, knowing the journey ahead would have helped stop the repeated shocks at a time when I was trying not to fall apart and be the strongest possible parent to both of my children
xxx
Lee, that's brilliant! Thank you! Pleased it could be something that could potentially be brought to fruition.
Everyone has had so many different but similar experiences to each other. I feel momentum may be rising to hopefully deal with the issues x
As I've said before, I cannot complain about SS as they have been good with us generally. However, knowing the journey ahead would have helped stop the repeated shocks at a time when I was trying not to fall apart and be the strongest possible parent to both of my children
xxx
Hopefully after the recent report it may now be recognised that that need is there.
I have seen that the people who conducted the research and steering group in here pushed for our families to be regarded as also being recognised as the victims of this crime, and this was refused. Something needs to happen, and be a force for good because we want to protect our children and families and we want to be best equipped to do it! X
Lee, it's serendipitous! My youngest child used that word to me after his English Easter school exam session today! Such a good word! Genuinely, thank you for remembering the thread and pushing the idea x
Off to slather, in very small amounts, this ridiculously expensive sleep cream on and hopefully get another good nights sleep (after I've scrolled a bit more haha)
x
I have seen that the people who conducted the research and steering group in here pushed for our families to be regarded as also being recognised as the victims of this crime, and this was refused. Something needs to happen, and be a force for good because we want to protect our children and families and we want to be best equipped to do it! X
Lee, it's serendipitous! My youngest child used that word to me after his English Easter school exam session today! Such a good word! Genuinely, thank you for remembering the thread and pushing the idea x
Off to slather, in very small amounts, this ridiculously expensive sleep cream on and hopefully get another good nights sleep (after I've scrolled a bit more haha)
x
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Hi again. Not sleeping very well so may as well post. Wouldnt it be wonderful if Women came forward from this group and other groups so when someone had the knock there would be women designated in those areas to go and meet the families. That support would be vital. I know I would have welcomed it with open arms.
Someone to come in who is calm and rational who completely understands and is non judgemental..someone who knows the things that they didnt think to ask because they cant think rationally at that time. Especially women with children and pregnant women, certainly not diminishing women without children here.
When thinking about it its actually shocking that this has not been implemented before.
As Ed would say....I'm just thinking out loud.
Goodnight ladies.x
Someone to come in who is calm and rational who completely understands and is non judgemental..someone who knows the things that they didnt think to ask because they cant think rationally at that time. Especially women with children and pregnant women, certainly not diminishing women without children here.
When thinking about it its actually shocking that this has not been implemented before.
As Ed would say....I'm just thinking out loud.
Goodnight ladies.x
How I would have loved someone who has been through all this already to come and see me shortly after it all kicked off. I would definitely not felt so alone. I would love to do do something like this x
Something definitely has to give it's not right the way they just charge in without any regard to the family or giving no advice on what to do I was asked has he got somewhere else to stay and are you ending the relationship? The pressure was immense was given no time to think then was handed a leaflet that I didn't look at until a few days later because my head was all over the place and still hadn't spoken to him to find out information I got a phonecall off ss 3 days later saying they were closing the case as I'd ended the relationship they didn't even come to see if my daughter had been harmed but now they want to know because I want to do supervised access, the school wellbeing councilor was appalled at the police just giving a leaflet and no one being there for to guide me through I definitely think I would of benefited from an advocate.
I'd be right there with you ladies.
I have literally had a conversation with SW about this yesterday. Not about advocates necessarily but as this crime seems to be increasing vastly, that they will be experiencing more families coming through that are going to need guidance and where they know the processes and what's to come, many families are blind-sided by this process along with the shocks that come so could they perhaps approach it with more information for people? That these people (we) have experienced an immense trauma already, and that we want to work with them to be protective parents so would there be a possibility of guidance of what would come. And more support. Then signposted them to the papers just released x
I have literally had a conversation with SW about this yesterday. Not about advocates necessarily but as this crime seems to be increasing vastly, that they will be experiencing more families coming through that are going to need guidance and where they know the processes and what's to come, many families are blind-sided by this process along with the shocks that come so could they perhaps approach it with more information for people? That these people (we) have experienced an immense trauma already, and that we want to work with them to be protective parents so would there be a possibility of guidance of what would come. And more support. Then signposted them to the papers just released x