Can any 1 help me , I have no idea
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Hi long story short, I don't know where to start , 4 days ago I was happily married with a happy family, 3 days ago my world got ripped apart and destroyed, they serched the house for technology, the knew fine well there was kids asleep up stair but yet flipped there rooms when they were in the bed still , they took my husband, they told me he was not aloud back to our property , then the police were like ok we are done here have a nice day, and oh yeah here have a leaflet .. there is no aftercare there is no answers , there has been no contact , I feel at a loose end , I have never had to deal with anything like this in my life , I dont know how to deal with it or process it. I can't breath thinking about it , I'm actually broken , my children have wandered where there dad is, I have not the heart to tell them, I physically can't. What next? What when how ?
Hi I'm only 4 months off the knock I'm so sorry your here I never expected to be here either, you'll be feeling alsorts of emotions have you spoken to your other half yet ? Have you told anyone close to you that can support you? I suggest ringing the helpline and seek some sort of counseling, make sure your looking after yourself too it's so easy to neglect ourselves when something like this happens as your just all over the place. Xx
Hi, firstly I'm sorry you find yourself here at all and for your experience, We can all empathise with the trauma and the emotions you are currently processing. My experience with the police changed my opinion of them forever. We are post sentencing but I can remember the day of the knock with complete clarity. My husband was RUI (released under investigation) on the same day of arrest and subsequently our long journey began. Did the police tell you where they were taking him? Leave you details of the OIC ( officer in charge)? x
Db,
I'm so sorry you have joined us here. You've done amazing to reach out so soon as it's all very daunting. Have you spoken to your husband? Did the police give any indication as to what he has meant to have done? It's usually images or communication which will lead them to giving you the leaflet which has brought you here. I was given the leaflet entitled "what to do if someone you love has been accessing iioc" along with another aimed at the person who has done it and told by the a-hole officer "this is for him when he gets out if he wants help with his problem". He wasn't even arrested for images! But it then left me confused and of course they don't tell you anything. The only way to know what is going on is to speak to your partner but as I've seen over my couple of years on this forum, they sometimes tell half a story or a completely fabricated one. On the flipside there are also a few individuals who have had no further action taken against them after enduring a lengthy investigation.
Nobody can prepare you for the whirlwind of this journey. Ultimately, the most important people right now are yourself and your children and you can take all the time in the world you need to get back on your feet and start to process everything. Nothing is impossible - you can choose to stay and support him, there is lots of helpful information here to help navigate dealing with social services and other parts of the journey or you can choose to move on. There's no set rules when deciding what you want to do. Look after yourself and I hope you're given some answers as to what has happened xx
I'm so sorry you have joined us here. You've done amazing to reach out so soon as it's all very daunting. Have you spoken to your husband? Did the police give any indication as to what he has meant to have done? It's usually images or communication which will lead them to giving you the leaflet which has brought you here. I was given the leaflet entitled "what to do if someone you love has been accessing iioc" along with another aimed at the person who has done it and told by the a-hole officer "this is for him when he gets out if he wants help with his problem". He wasn't even arrested for images! But it then left me confused and of course they don't tell you anything. The only way to know what is going on is to speak to your partner but as I've seen over my couple of years on this forum, they sometimes tell half a story or a completely fabricated one. On the flipside there are also a few individuals who have had no further action taken against them after enduring a lengthy investigation.
Nobody can prepare you for the whirlwind of this journey. Ultimately, the most important people right now are yourself and your children and you can take all the time in the world you need to get back on your feet and start to process everything. Nothing is impossible - you can choose to stay and support him, there is lots of helpful information here to help navigate dealing with social services and other parts of the journey or you can choose to move on. There's no set rules when deciding what you want to do. Look after yourself and I hope you're given some answers as to what has happened xx
dB
What Baffled said.
I can only add, look after yourself and take support from wherever you can find it. It sometimes comes from surprising places.
What Baffled said.
I can only add, look after yourself and take support from wherever you can find it. It sometimes comes from surprising places.
I am so sorry that you find yourself a member of the club that no one wants to join.
I am nearly a year in and we are 2 months post sentence.
It does get easier, I'm not saying life ever gets back to "normal", but you will laugh and smile again.
Keep coming to the forum, these lovely ladies will hold you up when you don't have the strength yourself x
I am nearly a year in and we are 2 months post sentence.
It does get easier, I'm not saying life ever gets back to "normal", but you will laugh and smile again.
Keep coming to the forum, these lovely ladies will hold you up when you don't have the strength yourself x
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Hi, sorry you find yourself here. Please take care of yourself and do not rush into doing anything or making any decisions. The ladies on this forum are a pillar of strength. There knowledge, kindness and compassion have gotten me through some dark days. xx
I'm really sorry you have joined this club no one wants to be a part of. You will find lots of support on the page there are some ladies who have stayed some who have left mothers and other family members. We don't judge newcomers. None of us condone our persons behaviours it is a space to rant ask questions get suport from people who understand
I'm sorry you have not been able to have contact with him I'm sure you have a million questions which probably can only be answered by him. Sorry I don't know what grade 1 is but there is lots of knowledgeable people on here who maybe able to advise further.
It is often the case the police treat and leave you feeling this way, don't feel that's a reflection of you. Please remember it was your husband though who brought them to your door, although I'm sure it could have been handled more sensitively.
Maybe after court he may get bail and perhaps will be able to contact you by phone so you can ask the questions you need. Please keep an open mind as to how your person has ended up in this situation. Often the wait for devices to comeback takes a while but don't focus on that now.
it's really important to look after you and any children of you have them it's survival mode at the moment take it hour by hour that's all you can do. Try and eat and drink something and get some sleep. Ring the helpline for suport if needed sometimes it's good just to cry and talk. Be cautious with who you tell as you can't take the information back. Don't make rash desions regarding anything just take time to process and do what's right for you not what others think you should. No one understands unless they walk in our shoes.
Please take care of yourself and keep coming back to post x
I'm sorry you have not been able to have contact with him I'm sure you have a million questions which probably can only be answered by him. Sorry I don't know what grade 1 is but there is lots of knowledgeable people on here who maybe able to advise further.
It is often the case the police treat and leave you feeling this way, don't feel that's a reflection of you. Please remember it was your husband though who brought them to your door, although I'm sure it could have been handled more sensitively.
Maybe after court he may get bail and perhaps will be able to contact you by phone so you can ask the questions you need. Please keep an open mind as to how your person has ended up in this situation. Often the wait for devices to comeback takes a while but don't focus on that now.
it's really important to look after you and any children of you have them it's survival mode at the moment take it hour by hour that's all you can do. Try and eat and drink something and get some sleep. Ring the helpline for suport if needed sometimes it's good just to cry and talk. Be cautious with who you tell as you can't take the information back. Don't make rash desions regarding anything just take time to process and do what's right for you not what others think you should. No one understands unless they walk in our shoes.
Please take care of yourself and keep coming back to post x
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I'm so sorry you have found yourself in this awful situation. I was in just the same place two months ago and it is truely hell on earth. I totally feel your pain. Reach out to people who you can really trust. I was told to only tell a couple of people but in reality I need a bigger support network than that to get through this. Draw on family and close friends support and tell them what you need. I was so scared and ashamed and worried they would judge me but I've never felt more supported. With the kids it is hideous. My son was absolutely broken and to be honest still is. But I wrap him in love every day and then make sure I have my family to wrap me in a protected bubble. Speak to the school too and see if you can get some professional help for your children. At least in those first few weeks where the fear and adrenaline are so high. And the helpline is great too. Avoid Mondays and Fridays though as it is always so busy and it used to make me feel worse waiting and waiting. Try again at other times. Sending love x
Wow I'm blown away with the reply, I can not speek to my husband as he's on a no contact order part of his bail conditions, they day the knock happened the police were pretty horrific, it was early in thr morning and its the easter holidays, there was only 1 female officer, I had to show her what rooms my children were sleeping in, they read me and my husband alot of legal stuff, none of it made any sense, then they asked us for our phones, then read out a warrant to say they were searching the house, 2 male police officers went in to my 12 year old daughters bedroom and started flipping her bedroom with her in it, I got all my children down stair at this point packed a bag for them and sent them to my friends house, the police finished there search and set up a cyber station in my dining room, me and my husband was sat in the living room with another officer lurking around, I got my phone back with in 10 mins, a few ours in to there cyber room they called my husband threw for a "word" then he never came back. The police said it was due to grade 1 photos of minors, this is where it gets worse they found a go pro with footage of my child on it ,, that I had to identify my 10 year olds daughter, this is when I felt instantly sick. The no contact order is in place to protect my daughter, my daughter has since then been interviewed and he has been sending her photos of himself and videos etc and getting her to refer to him as "daddy" this give me the absolute creeps . Her statement tore me apart in places I had no idea I could hurt, the after care has been pretty crap, we are nearly 1 week in and there has been no welfare what so ever , sorry for the late reply I have been in a head space where I can't breath I can't think and I just want to cry , he' was ment to be there dad there friend he was ment to protect her , but it feels like I should have protected her against him. X
I don't really know what to say other than I am so sorry you have been left to deal with this as well as your daughter. It's atrocious you have been given no support as you are recognised victims in this. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. Please give the helpline a call or perhaps the NSPCC helpline and see if there is any support which could be offered to you.
Sending all my love x
Sending all my love x
I'm in my 11th month since my life partner was taking out of my house to me police were as usual judging by my opinion like I should have known it was my last chance of everything I lost that as my 3 children and even no sfa coppers say nothing but it's still looking through images of what discovered it is fact I want closcher on my mind so I can move on with my ex and myself never to be rekindled but to be nothing but parents to our kids...... I wish u hope and answers as we all on this Joy's of the club we never wanted in on...just can't understand why he did what did if ment so much
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Thinking of you, this must have blown your mind on another level.
Take care of yourself and your children we are here for any questions or even if you want to rant!
Daff and Lee are right get that help for you and your family and the police should be referring for this help and it should come ASAP
Have a look at acts fast mosac
Take care of yourself and your children we are here for any questions or even if you want to rant!
Daff and Lee are right get that help for you and your family and the police should be referring for this help and it should come ASAP
Have a look at acts fast mosac
Hey , thank you all for your kind words and support , today has been 100 percent hell it felt like my husband has died, I was packing all his belongings up literally feeling guilty that I was packing my life away in to boxes, he got bail to his parents house who are in there 70s , his dad is travelling 3 hours to collect his belongings on Tuesday and I can't help but feel bad for his parents they didn't ask for this either and I had such a close bond with them, I feel like I have packed it all up and made it there problem. My youngest son 8 keeps asking where his dad is , due to the nature of his job he usually gets posted away alot, iv had to tell him he's working away, I actually had the doctor out to me and gave me larazapam but I don't think anything can mask it, I'm most definitely not depressed I'm just totally lost. How can everything go from perfect, to a living night mare, I have wrote a formal complaint on how things were handed on the day with pin points,
1 they flipped a room with a child in bed (2men)
2 they knew y they were here (the put my children in the living room with him)
3 one of the officers made a remark about my bedroom shoes and outfits, (this was creepy)
4 they used ny dining room to set up a computer lab or what ever , they unplugged my chest freezer , never plugged it back in , we left the house for 5 days after it happend and came back to no food,
5 tbe total lack of after care, my husband even gave them premision to tell me what was going on... and I'm still waiting.
6 the fact they had my daughter waiten 6 hours in a stage building to give a statement, for them to cancel, we sat all fecking day even thou I have 3 other children waiten at home.
To be honest I'm still in shock my worlds upside down , I have a guilt that he's not cut out for jail.. Well the person I know is not cut out for jail , I have a anger on what he's done and I know he deserves it, but I can't kill this feeling , hope you guys are all ok ? I never did ask I have been on a total woooo is me. , x
1 they flipped a room with a child in bed (2men)
2 they knew y they were here (the put my children in the living room with him)
3 one of the officers made a remark about my bedroom shoes and outfits, (this was creepy)
4 they used ny dining room to set up a computer lab or what ever , they unplugged my chest freezer , never plugged it back in , we left the house for 5 days after it happend and came back to no food,
5 tbe total lack of after care, my husband even gave them premision to tell me what was going on... and I'm still waiting.
6 the fact they had my daughter waiten 6 hours in a stage building to give a statement, for them to cancel, we sat all fecking day even thou I have 3 other children waiten at home.
To be honest I'm still in shock my worlds upside down , I have a guilt that he's not cut out for jail.. Well the person I know is not cut out for jail , I have a anger on what he's done and I know he deserves it, but I can't kill this feeling , hope you guys are all ok ? I never did ask I have been on a total woooo is me. , x