Question about partners ‘coming clean’
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Just wondering whether your partners came clean, told you what they'd been doing, once they'd been arrested or did they wait for the police to say what evidence they have? Or something in between?
I want to ask my partner what he's been doing but I know he won't incriminate himself until he knows what evidence the police have. Still think he's in massive denial about the whole thing.. just curious I suppose.
I want to ask my partner what he's been doing but I know he won't incriminate himself until he knows what evidence the police have. Still think he's in massive denial about the whole thing.. just curious I suppose.
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Thanks both that's really helpful.
the police told me when finished they would tell me the evidence they had. I'd like to hear from him but if prosecuted I want to attend court
I remember that he police saying that if charged all the evidence would be disclosed to the defence for us to see in advance. Not sure I'll see it if we are not living together or whether the police will show me.
Im currently one month in of 3 month initial bail condition where he can't come to the house.
the police told me when finished they would tell me the evidence they had. I'd like to hear from him but if prosecuted I want to attend court
I remember that he police saying that if charged all the evidence would be disclosed to the defence for us to see in advance. Not sure I'll see it if we are not living together or whether the police will show me.
Im currently one month in of 3 month initial bail condition where he can't come to the house.
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My partner told me everything he also told the police everything as the duty solicitor told him to at the time, he now has a solicitor that specialises in these cases who has told him he should of gone no comment as the police haven't actually shown any evidence yet. He probably has made things worse for himself. I was so shocked and hurt by the things he told me, he's told me he is bisexual and had cheated on me with men. I know he was talking to an actual person and not a police decoy as our sw informed us not sure if she was supposed to.
I'm so sorry, confused wife
Deedee; I truly believe my husbands shame and regret has more to do with being caught/found out and not actually what he was doing because he didn't believe it was a minor. He thought it was an adult (probably another man) pretending to be a minor. In fact he'd forgotten he'd even had this chat when he was arrested. I can only think that may be because either it only happened the once (as he claims) or this types of chats were a common thing on these sites. I dont even think I want to know as I wouldn't know what to do with that information.
I dread to think what would have happened or where it would have lead had we not had the knock. Naturally, he deeply regrets it because he stands to lose so much if not all but also because he's seen the heartache it's caused.
He didn't come clean straight away either. It was over a couple of weeks because I just couldn't accept that what he was telling me was everything. I was right. There was more. I now have sleepless nights thinking about what else may come out further down the line.
The fact that any of this happened in the first place is enough to show how easily people can deceive their loved ones. X
I dread to think what would have happened or where it would have lead had we not had the knock. Naturally, he deeply regrets it because he stands to lose so much if not all but also because he's seen the heartache it's caused.
He didn't come clean straight away either. It was over a couple of weeks because I just couldn't accept that what he was telling me was everything. I was right. There was more. I now have sleepless nights thinking about what else may come out further down the line.
The fact that any of this happened in the first place is enough to show how easily people can deceive their loved ones. X
RIG22
I spoke to my partner, and asked what he was doing. He said was talking to a woman who 'didn't love her children'. He wanted to understand why some parents hate their kids... (he suffered neglect and abuse as a child) so there is some plausability in this) but I think it's a half truth, yes he probably was curious, but where do you even start talking to someone who lets her kids be abused??? (If that is what we are talking about!)
he said he's only had a conversation but he doesn't know the police have told me there's been on and off communications for several months... I think it goes way deeper than what he's saying.. ???? and I doubt the police would come with a warrant for "research" they must have been talking about kids in a sexual way, or she was and he was in that conversation, which I believe you can be arrested if you know that somewhere I child sex offence is going to be committed. It's all so grim and horrible. We never asked for anything of this. Xx
like you I dread finding out all the details in case it's so much worse. I hate it.
I spoke to my partner, and asked what he was doing. He said was talking to a woman who 'didn't love her children'. He wanted to understand why some parents hate their kids... (he suffered neglect and abuse as a child) so there is some plausability in this) but I think it's a half truth, yes he probably was curious, but where do you even start talking to someone who lets her kids be abused??? (If that is what we are talking about!)
he said he's only had a conversation but he doesn't know the police have told me there's been on and off communications for several months... I think it goes way deeper than what he's saying.. ???? and I doubt the police would come with a warrant for "research" they must have been talking about kids in a sexual way, or she was and he was in that conversation, which I believe you can be arrested if you know that somewhere I child sex offence is going to be committed. It's all so grim and horrible. We never asked for anything of this. Xx
like you I dread finding out all the details in case it's so much worse. I hate it.
Deedee it so hard. I want to know everything because the not knowing is unbearable but I'm also petrified of finding out more - if there is anything more because I'm not sure I'm ready to take on another tornado. I don't know what I'll do with anymore information. I can't even speak when I think about the possibility of further disclosure. Makes me feel like I'll just keel over and not ever be able to get up again. X
Rig22
i hear you, and I see you. X That scares me too. And the prospect of this hanging over me for the next however how long. It's a prison sentence in itself being left in limbo for a year, longer? Unable to move forward, not knowing the truth.
I have waves of desperately missing my partner, wanting to talk, wanting it all to go away, but then I don't know if he is telling the truth and that will just mess with my head even more x sending strength to you x
i hear you, and I see you. X That scares me too. And the prospect of this hanging over me for the next however how long. It's a prison sentence in itself being left in limbo for a year, longer? Unable to move forward, not knowing the truth.
I have waves of desperately missing my partner, wanting to talk, wanting it all to go away, but then I don't know if he is telling the truth and that will just mess with my head even more x sending strength to you x
I somewhat wishes I got full disclosure (I'm sure my partner would have given this to me if I knew it was an option). Might be an excuse but my partner offended for years and had a lot of iioc. He could not recall everything he seen and I didn't want the details too much but he did say the age ranges were from very young to late teens.
I had no idea that in court they would read out the ages and breif description of the worst that was found. It still rings in my head and I felt sick for days.
I didn't ask for the exact details of what my partner had seen and saved, I don't want those types of images in my head. Even tho he didn't give me exact ages he was honest and said before charges that it would rnahe through all categories and from 'very young' to late teens. So for me he didn't hide as such and so I could not be mad at him for when I heard the greater detail. I just wished I had been better informed.
Perhaps you could ask for a brief idea of the level of his offending - one off? Over a few years? Age ranges etc. If he admits it was over a long period of time and this is reflected in the evidence then you could argue he was truthful in disclosure to you. But if he says small amount as a one off, but evidence says otherswise- you can decide if that is unforgivable deceit.
I had no idea that in court they would read out the ages and breif description of the worst that was found. It still rings in my head and I felt sick for days.
I didn't ask for the exact details of what my partner had seen and saved, I don't want those types of images in my head. Even tho he didn't give me exact ages he was honest and said before charges that it would rnahe through all categories and from 'very young' to late teens. So for me he didn't hide as such and so I could not be mad at him for when I heard the greater detail. I just wished I had been better informed.
Perhaps you could ask for a brief idea of the level of his offending - one off? Over a few years? Age ranges etc. If he admits it was over a long period of time and this is reflected in the evidence then you could argue he was truthful in disclosure to you. But if he says small amount as a one off, but evidence says otherswise- you can decide if that is unforgivable deceit.
I understand this completely. My OH said he had told me everything and in some ways he had. The solicitor sent through the police investigation and although similar to his story ,actually reading it made me so angry. He hadn't lied but it was definitely more graphic than he had said or I had imagined. I can accept it now but was so angry at the time. At least by seeing all the documents it helped me to accept things. He has got a custodial sentence.
My concern would be if he won't share the documents what is he hiding. Although it could ve embarrassment why he isn't sharing. The last thing you want is to support him and then in the courtroom hear more indictments and more evidence.
It's a long journey but I can now say my OH and I are more loving and closer than before. Although tge truth hurts its better to know first .
My concern would be if he won't share the documents what is he hiding. Although it could ve embarrassment why he isn't sharing. The last thing you want is to support him and then in the courtroom hear more indictments and more evidence.
It's a long journey but I can now say my OH and I are more loving and closer than before. Although tge truth hurts its better to know first .
I know this post is a few months old but would love to hear some others experiences if their partners told them their situations. Especially if they are no longer currently together ..
I had to report husband to police after finding a usb stick. I briefly saw a couple of images one a cat C and I believe a category A but it was so brief a look and shock I doubt myself now! Unfortunately I overheard police say there were hundreds of images so no idea where they will fall in seriousness/category.
No idea what or if he is been charged, any further interviews, nothing. Just discussing the children and short term bills.
I hate after 15years together he has cut me off emotionally overnight , of course he is going to feel betrayed as I reported him, but it's been weeks and still no information from him. I'd love for him to give me at least some information for my own piece of mind and closure and long term decisions.
Do many 'split' couple ever get the full story?
I had to report husband to police after finding a usb stick. I briefly saw a couple of images one a cat C and I believe a category A but it was so brief a look and shock I doubt myself now! Unfortunately I overheard police say there were hundreds of images so no idea where they will fall in seriousness/category.
No idea what or if he is been charged, any further interviews, nothing. Just discussing the children and short term bills.
I hate after 15years together he has cut me off emotionally overnight , of course he is going to feel betrayed as I reported him, but it's been weeks and still no information from him. I'd love for him to give me at least some information for my own piece of mind and closure and long term decisions.
Do many 'split' couple ever get the full story?
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Hi
I've only had brief discussions about it all. OH said that one click can lead to hundreds of images being downloaded. If he has been doing this for a year or longer, I shudder to think how many were downloaded. He claims not to have even looked at all of it. I'm stuck between wanting the truth and not sure if I'm strong enough to hear it. I feel I need to know but I also don't want to live with the details in my mind of what those poor children went through. It makes me nauseous.
I've only had brief discussions about it all. OH said that one click can lead to hundreds of images being downloaded. If he has been doing this for a year or longer, I shudder to think how many were downloaded. He claims not to have even looked at all of it. I'm stuck between wanting the truth and not sure if I'm strong enough to hear it. I feel I need to know but I also don't want to live with the details in my mind of what those poor children went through. It makes me nauseous.
My now ex OH didn't tell me the truth. He didn't even know why the police contacted him in the first place even though he'd been offending just a month before he was arrested. The truth of his offending was was only revealed by the police and CPS including the charge sheet that arrived in the post. He thought the CPS would decide no further action, that's how insignificant he thought this actions were. He had over 1,000 images - children (CAT A - C) and animals and had been communicating in a chatroom with the supposed father of a young girl who turned out to be a police officer. He kept crowing on about entrapment, but his barrister read out some of the CPS evidence, and he was very much an active participant. He told me nothing and remains in delusional self-denial, not that I have anything to do with him anymore, not since I found out the truth of his crimes.
I still want to attend his court dates to hear the truth.
I still want to attend his court dates to hear the truth.
If you are no longer with him why do you want to attend the court? The only reason I say this is because it can be quite traumatic, and can affect you for a long time afterwards. Don't upset yourself further when you don't have to xx