Telling his girlfriend…or not?
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My son is under investigation, hasn't been arrested. He is insisting on telling his girlfriend very soon.
Im concerned because of the possible consequences. She's has a borderline personality disorder, she self-harms.
I am concerned abkut this relationship anyway... before this! So I am really concerned this won't go well. Even if she accepts it now, it could be use against him in the relationship going forward. I am suggesting he completely end the relationship ... but this won't happen.
....The nightmare continues every day I waken up.
Im concerned because of the possible consequences. She's has a borderline personality disorder, she self-harms.
I am concerned abkut this relationship anyway... before this! So I am really concerned this won't go well. Even if she accepts it now, it could be use against him in the relationship going forward. I am suggesting he completely end the relationship ... but this won't happen.
....The nightmare continues every day I waken up.
Hi there, sorry you find yourself here. My son is also the offender. I understand how awful you are feeling. Have you or your son tried calling the helpline they may be able to give some good advice and support.
It sounds like your son will find it impossible to keep this from his girlfriend. You cant make him end the relationship though I understand why you feel it would be for the best.
I think we all have to deal with problems as they present themselves. If he does tell her, would you be able to have a friendly word to explain how important her discretion is and how you are all trusting her with the information.
How old is your son? Mine was 18 when he offended, 19 now. He has started weekly counselling with a Stopso Councillor and has done the Lucy faithful online modules. Concentrate on him addressing his behaviour. I promise you will feel better. It is a "new normal" but you will have better days. Sending love xx
It sounds like your son will find it impossible to keep this from his girlfriend. You cant make him end the relationship though I understand why you feel it would be for the best.
I think we all have to deal with problems as they present themselves. If he does tell her, would you be able to have a friendly word to explain how important her discretion is and how you are all trusting her with the information.
How old is your son? Mine was 18 when he offended, 19 now. He has started weekly counselling with a Stopso Councillor and has done the Lucy faithful online modules. Concentrate on him addressing his behaviour. I promise you will feel better. It is a "new normal" but you will have better days. Sending love xx
As the wife on an offender I thing that your son's girlfriend has the right to know if he is going to continue to be in a relationship with her.
I also have experience of living with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (now known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder). Your son's GF is likely to take being told very personally, all of us partners/wives do, however someone with this diagnosis struggles with the thought of abandonment so she will find this very difficult.
I would definitely be concerned for her when she finds out if her mental health is not great anyway, but it is not fair to stay with her and not be truthful.
I also have experience of living with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (now known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder). Your son's GF is likely to take being told very personally, all of us partners/wives do, however someone with this diagnosis struggles with the thought of abandonment so she will find this very difficult.
I would definitely be concerned for her when she finds out if her mental health is not great anyway, but it is not fair to stay with her and not be truthful.
BrokenFather
I hope you and your son are doing ok under the circumstances,
This is such a difficult journey and bless him for wanting to disclose to his girlfriend but as much as it may seem better for him to end their relationship only he can decide this adds even more pressure on to what you all have going on
Does she have a supportive family?
Its such early days and the least amount of people that know for now the better
Maybe speak to the helpline just for some guidance,
Not much advise but I honestly wouldn't know what to do for the best it's so difficult xx
I hope you and your son are doing ok under the circumstances,
This is such a difficult journey and bless him for wanting to disclose to his girlfriend but as much as it may seem better for him to end their relationship only he can decide this adds even more pressure on to what you all have going on
Does she have a supportive family?
Its such early days and the least amount of people that know for now the better
Maybe speak to the helpline just for some guidance,
Not much advise but I honestly wouldn't know what to do for the best it's so difficult xx
Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. Yes I think it's a positive that he wants to take that responsibility to be honest with her.
he is adamant that he will tell her soon. Through conversations I feel she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents and he says they have been taking about getting a place together soon anyway (this may well not happen depending on outcomes) .
inthink your right. I can't stop him, or end relationship, in fact it's in his hands and so are the consequences. He has been on the help line and will be this week. I think this issue was discussed.
he is adamant that he will tell her soon. Through conversations I feel she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents and he says they have been taking about getting a place together soon anyway (this may well not happen depending on outcomes) .
inthink your right. I can't stop him, or end relationship, in fact it's in his hands and so are the consequences. He has been on the help line and will be this week. I think this issue was discussed.
Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. Yes I think it's a positive that he wants to take that responsibility to be honest with her.
he is adamant that he will tell her soon. Through conversations I feel she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents and he says they have been taking about getting a place together soon anyway (this may well not happen depending on outcomes) .
inthink your right. I can't stop him, or end relationship, in fact it's in his hands and so are the consequences. He has been on the help line and will be this week. I think this issue was discussed.
he is adamant that he will tell her soon. Through conversations I feel she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents and he says they have been taking about getting a place together soon anyway (this may well not happen depending on outcomes) .
inthink your right. I can't stop him, or end relationship, in fact it's in his hands and so are the consequences. He has been on the help line and will be this week. I think this issue was discussed.
Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. Yes I think it's a positive that he wants to take that responsibility to be honest with her.
he is adamant that he will tell her soon. Through conversations I feel she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents and he says they have been taking about getting a place together soon anyway (this may well not happen depending on outcomes) .
inthink your right. I can't stop him, or end relationship, in fact it's in his hands and so are the consequences. He has been on the help line and will be this week. I think this issue was discussed.
he is adamant that he will tell her soon. Through conversations I feel she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents and he says they have been taking about getting a place together soon anyway (this may well not happen depending on outcomes) .
inthink your right. I can't stop him, or end relationship, in fact it's in his hands and so are the consequences. He has been on the help line and will be this week. I think this issue was discussed.
BrokenFather
That's a good step for your son that he has spoken to the helpline and they are there for you also, I spoke to them at the beginning of this journey with my son,
You have to also look after yourselves no matter how difficult this is you will get through this xx
That's a good step for your son that he has spoken to the helpline and they are there for you also, I spoke to them at the beginning of this journey with my son,
You have to also look after yourselves no matter how difficult this is you will get through this xx
Update: Yes my son is in regular contact with the helpline and I have availed of this too. It's is truly incredible how much goodness there is in this service. They have been so kind in their way of speaking to me, and from my son I get a positive feeling from him too agmfyer his calls. Tonight's call he has been accepted for the training with StopitNow and he came to me so happy about that. This is a good day. Im glad that he has grasped the severity of this from day one. He has also taken well to his 4 psychotherapy sessions (so far) with a recommmeded person through Stopit now.
only concern we have is that it's £80.00 per session (Zoom on Sundays .. that's only avaible one) we were doing weekly .. but have paused at this point due to cost . Becuase honestly my son is really benifitting from theses session. If anyone knows of any channels for assistance in funding for these he could apply for it wound be massive help. Otherwise we definitely will go back again to this woman as he has built a relationship with her straight away and it is definitely having an impact.
Thanks to all you good people, for your honesty supportive comments.
only concern we have is that it's £80.00 per session (Zoom on Sundays .. that's only avaible one) we were doing weekly .. but have paused at this point due to cost . Becuase honestly my son is really benifitting from theses session. If anyone knows of any channels for assistance in funding for these he could apply for it wound be massive help. Otherwise we definitely will go back again to this woman as he has built a relationship with her straight away and it is definitely having an impact.
Thanks to all you good people, for your honesty supportive comments.