is it my fault
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this is my second time in this hell and I am really struggling, I keep going round and round in circles asking myself is it my fault for supporting him, I stood by him last time, is that why he felt sure I'd do it again this time. my sister has made me question my judgement, why did I allow him back if I was so appalled by what he did. it was so awful what he did before (different circumstances then to now). did I "forgive" too quick? I have never forgiven him, more 'put it behind us'. it took a long time to reach any sort of "normal". should I have been more vigilant this time, I believed him when he said he'd never go back there. I always feel so guilty and ashamed, that I made him, I'm responsible for him as his mother. but I can't turn my back on him, he's my son, he's all I've got. how can I seperate my little boy from the man he is now. I am so angry with him when he phones I can barely speak to him, but I just want him home.
Saphire7
Please please do not think this is in anyway your fault,
As mums we always look at ourselves to blame, was it something we did, how did we not know, the list goes on and on but we have done nothing wrong,
I am sorry your son has caused you more pain but only he can take the responsibility for his actions
No one can be judgemental towards you they are not walking on this horrendous journey
Sending strength and hugs xx
Please please do not think this is in anyway your fault,
As mums we always look at ourselves to blame, was it something we did, how did we not know, the list goes on and on but we have done nothing wrong,
I am sorry your son has caused you more pain but only he can take the responsibility for his actions
No one can be judgemental towards you they are not walking on this horrendous journey
Sending strength and hugs xx
I certainly feel responsible as a parent.
I blame myself entirely. Although I now have a rational part of me through having therapy that knows I am not to blame.
We don't raise our kids to pick up cigarettes or beers or to pierce bits of their anatomy or to say mean things in am argument or to not listen in school... we raise them to do the opposite and hope for the best.
We didnt raise our kids into offenders.
You sound like a wonderful mother who has done the very best that she can to support her son through a very difficult time. Through something that you didnt do.
I think hardest part of all this is the anger at being shoved into this world through no choice. We didn't do this and we didn't ask for it. But we love our children and we are forced to go through it.
Alot of my anger lies in the fact that I now know too much about something that I find so incredibly upsetting. Maybe it's a catalyst for change. Right now it's just hard.
Keep waking up, keep going, you will get through.
Xxxxx
I blame myself entirely. Although I now have a rational part of me through having therapy that knows I am not to blame.
We don't raise our kids to pick up cigarettes or beers or to pierce bits of their anatomy or to say mean things in am argument or to not listen in school... we raise them to do the opposite and hope for the best.
We didnt raise our kids into offenders.
You sound like a wonderful mother who has done the very best that she can to support her son through a very difficult time. Through something that you didnt do.
I think hardest part of all this is the anger at being shoved into this world through no choice. We didn't do this and we didn't ask for it. But we love our children and we are forced to go through it.
Alot of my anger lies in the fact that I now know too much about something that I find so incredibly upsetting. Maybe it's a catalyst for change. Right now it's just hard.
Keep waking up, keep going, you will get through.
Xxxxx
Saphire, when I started reading your post I assumed you were speaking about your partner, and as the wife of the offender, I could understand how you would feel that way if the person offended again.
However, I am a mother and completely, 100% understand why you have and will continue to stand by your son. I would do the same thing, it's what us mums do.
I always think that as a wife, I have a choice as to whether to stand by him or not, I don't feel like you mums don't have the luxury of that choice. I honestly believe that it is ingrained is us mum to be strong for our children.
I may not know the names of you ladies but I am honoured to know you x
However, I am a mother and completely, 100% understand why you have and will continue to stand by your son. I would do the same thing, it's what us mums do.
I always think that as a wife, I have a choice as to whether to stand by him or not, I don't feel like you mums don't have the luxury of that choice. I honestly believe that it is ingrained is us mum to be strong for our children.
I may not know the names of you ladies but I am honoured to know you x
Thank you for all your kind replies, I find it really hard to respond at the moment. It means so much to have a place like this where everyone is so nice and really understands.
Agree with all that's been said. As mums we continue to analyse our parenting and wonder if we could have changed things, but we are not to blame.
With hand on heart I did my sheer absolute best for my babies. Having a baby & toddler with a husband that worked very long hours I couldn't have worked any harder and they always came first.
As Polly said we do our best to guide them, teach them right from wrong but as life goes on they make their own choices and when those choices are wrong ones it's not our fault.
With hand on heart I did my sheer absolute best for my babies. Having a baby & toddler with a husband that worked very long hours I couldn't have worked any harder and they always came first.
As Polly said we do our best to guide them, teach them right from wrong but as life goes on they make their own choices and when those choices are wrong ones it's not our fault.