I'm not cut out for being a prison girlfriend
Notifications OFF
I feel bad complaining because relative to others my situation is easy. But I'm tired. I need to rant, a moan, to share how I feel
I'm tired of the long drive for the visits.
I'm tired of trying to make the visits feel normal.
I'm tired of diving for the phone so I don't miss him.
I'm tired of answering it in secret so no one else hears that bloody horrible notification.
Im tired of my life working around his prision timetable.
I'm tired of trying to bring lightness to our conversation.
Tired of trying to fill the phone calls with chit chat because I know he hasn't got much to say but also doesn't want to say goodbye.
I'm tired of trying to find somewhere for us to live.
I'm tired of living this lie.
I'm tired of not being able to share my struggles.
Im tired of holding on to that day that he's released.
I'm tired of part of my mind constantly being a little bit absent.
I'm tired of trying to hold onto being me.
I'm tired of not knowing what our future holds.
Today I did a 3 and a half hour drive to the prision. I don't know how or why, but I got the visit time wrong - I've been going a year, some how I thought it was an hour later, I realised my error when I'd gone to fill up with petrol. Thankfully we were able to get just over half an hour together. Then the 3 and half hour drive home.
I never have been good with uncertainty. I'm not a risk taker. I avoid stressful situation. I've crafted my life to avoid these things but some how I'm here, in this situation and I'm not cut out for it.
We've done so well. I'm so proud of him, I'm proud of me. But a year of prision is taking its toll on both of us and our relationship.
I'm tired of the long drive for the visits.
I'm tired of trying to make the visits feel normal.
I'm tired of diving for the phone so I don't miss him.
I'm tired of answering it in secret so no one else hears that bloody horrible notification.
Im tired of my life working around his prision timetable.
I'm tired of trying to bring lightness to our conversation.
Tired of trying to fill the phone calls with chit chat because I know he hasn't got much to say but also doesn't want to say goodbye.
I'm tired of trying to find somewhere for us to live.
I'm tired of living this lie.
I'm tired of not being able to share my struggles.
Im tired of holding on to that day that he's released.
I'm tired of part of my mind constantly being a little bit absent.
I'm tired of trying to hold onto being me.
I'm tired of not knowing what our future holds.
Today I did a 3 and a half hour drive to the prision. I don't know how or why, but I got the visit time wrong - I've been going a year, some how I thought it was an hour later, I realised my error when I'd gone to fill up with petrol. Thankfully we were able to get just over half an hour together. Then the 3 and half hour drive home.
I never have been good with uncertainty. I'm not a risk taker. I avoid stressful situation. I've crafted my life to avoid these things but some how I'm here, in this situation and I'm not cut out for it.
We've done so well. I'm so proud of him, I'm proud of me. But a year of prision is taking its toll on both of us and our relationship.
Please don't feel bad complaining! Please rant away it's perfectly fine hun. Sorry I don't have any experience with loved one in prison, but I do know it's really important to put yourself first and he needs to lean on you so it's important you keep yourself standing! In real life you have ups and downs and you could let him know it's hard at the moment with everything you listed and be kind and give yourself a break x
Sal
Please rant away, it's the only place you can.
My OH home, so I don't know what it's like to visit at a prison.
Please take time for you, easy said then done. I know this journey drains the energy out of us. So you do need to rest.
Thinking of you
Anne x
Please rant away, it's the only place you can.
My OH home, so I don't know what it's like to visit at a prison.
Please take time for you, easy said then done. I know this journey drains the energy out of us. So you do need to rest.
Thinking of you
Anne x
Oh @SAL it's Ok to feel all of this. It's tough. I don't have the answers but I understand how exhausting it is. Remember to look after yourself too. Day by day xx
SAL; I understand all of your tired's. Mine would be tired AND fed-up. You being tired of this new way of living is not one you caused or bought on yourself so your feelings are so valid and justified.
Today may have been a particularly stressful day for you but you've got this far. You (and us all) are stronger than you (we) sometimes feel.
sending love x
Today may have been a particularly stressful day for you but you've got this far. You (and us all) are stronger than you (we) sometimes feel.
sending love x
Oh SAL - I understand every word, it's very frustrating having a loved one in prison, you are doing SO well.
My son is mid way through a long sentence. Due to distance and family circumstances I don't visit (which is painful in itself). Im all he has left on the outside now - so heavily depends on me - that bloody phone is our life-line. I too hate that notification - like a knife twisting every time!!!!!
When I get down I think of our lovely nephew who took his own life a few years ago. My sister has no older son now to talk too....... it's far from ideal but I'll carry on through regardless.
keep that strength up - keep airing and sharing xxxxx
My son is mid way through a long sentence. Due to distance and family circumstances I don't visit (which is painful in itself). Im all he has left on the outside now - so heavily depends on me - that bloody phone is our life-line. I too hate that notification - like a knife twisting every time!!!!!
When I get down I think of our lovely nephew who took his own life a few years ago. My sister has no older son now to talk too....... it's far from ideal but I'll carry on through regardless.
keep that strength up - keep airing and sharing xxxxx
@sal
my husband is also in prison, but I don't visit, I can't bring myself to do that just yet. But I limited a phone call to once a week so we could actually have the week to talk about instead of awkward silence.
I understand everything you have said and it is very difficult. It's ok to be upset, it's ok to be frustrated, it's ok to be annoyed and angry. Just don't let it go inward, which you are not as you vented to us. We are all here for you xx
my husband is also in prison, but I don't visit, I can't bring myself to do that just yet. But I limited a phone call to once a week so we could actually have the week to talk about instead of awkward silence.
I understand everything you have said and it is very difficult. It's ok to be upset, it's ok to be frustrated, it's ok to be annoyed and angry. Just don't let it go inward, which you are not as you vented to us. We are all here for you xx
SAL
You are definitely not complaining , you have to let your thoughts out somewhere and this is deffinatly the right space to do just that x
It can all get to much sometimes
I totally understand the distance you have to travel, my son is 2.5 hrs and if I hit traffic panic sets in as dont want to be late,
Sending hugs xx
You are definitely not complaining , you have to let your thoughts out somewhere and this is deffinatly the right space to do just that x
It can all get to much sometimes
I totally understand the distance you have to travel, my son is 2.5 hrs and if I hit traffic panic sets in as dont want to be late,
Sending hugs xx
Thanks for letting me have a little moan and yours support, sometimes just getting it off your chest, writing it down helps - also knowing I'm not entirely alone in this feeling.
I'm the only person that he has to speak to, he relies on me so much - It's a lot of pressure. We currently talk twice a day - This is hard in many ways... Finding things to talk about, trying to be positive up beat, but also the timing (lunch and straight after work) doesn't give me time to decompress after work which is currently busy and stressful.
I'm going to suggest we reduce the number of calls, but I feel so guilty though. I just keep thinking, he's there in that situation and it doesn't take much to have a short call, I know they mean so much to him. It wouldn't be so bad if there wasn't thet bloody message or we could call in. It's mad that one of the things that's shown to reduce offending (maintaining strong family ties) is so difficult (and expensive).
On a side note, I've just been listening to a program on IPP - It's so inhumane. I swear politicians and the media just think that all prisoner are full or evil monsters, who can't be redeemed and therefore must be tortured. Perhaps going a bit over the top there - Feeling a bit grumpy.
I'm the only person that he has to speak to, he relies on me so much - It's a lot of pressure. We currently talk twice a day - This is hard in many ways... Finding things to talk about, trying to be positive up beat, but also the timing (lunch and straight after work) doesn't give me time to decompress after work which is currently busy and stressful.
I'm going to suggest we reduce the number of calls, but I feel so guilty though. I just keep thinking, he's there in that situation and it doesn't take much to have a short call, I know they mean so much to him. It wouldn't be so bad if there wasn't thet bloody message or we could call in. It's mad that one of the things that's shown to reduce offending (maintaining strong family ties) is so difficult (and expensive).
On a side note, I've just been listening to a program on IPP - It's so inhumane. I swear politicians and the media just think that all prisoner are full or evil monsters, who can't be redeemed and therefore must be tortured. Perhaps going a bit over the top there - Feeling a bit grumpy.