Does it get easier?
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Hi all,
I'm only three and a half weeks post Knock and I guess I'm looking for some reassurance from those further down the line that this all gets easier with time, regardless of whether or not one chooses to stay with their partner. Logically I know time should work it's magic as it always does and the shock and initial rawness will wear off, but for me it's been three weeks of hell, anxiety and sadness 24/7. I'm already exhausted from it all and I don't think I've felt genuinely happy for three weeks (which is unlike me as I'm normally a very happy, positive and bouncey person.)
For those further down the line, does it get easier? Or does the heavyness, anxiety etc never really leave you?
Sorry for the bleak post today everyone. I've had a bit of a heavy week and I'm really feeling the struggle today. x
I'm only three and a half weeks post Knock and I guess I'm looking for some reassurance from those further down the line that this all gets easier with time, regardless of whether or not one chooses to stay with their partner. Logically I know time should work it's magic as it always does and the shock and initial rawness will wear off, but for me it's been three weeks of hell, anxiety and sadness 24/7. I'm already exhausted from it all and I don't think I've felt genuinely happy for three weeks (which is unlike me as I'm normally a very happy, positive and bouncey person.)
For those further down the line, does it get easier? Or does the heavyness, anxiety etc never really leave you?
Sorry for the bleak post today everyone. I've had a bit of a heavy week and I'm really feeling the struggle today. x
I'm so sorry that you are here and that you are struggling today, the first weeks and months are hard while you try to wrap your head around what has happened. Reaching out early is good so you don't feel so alone. I have trusted my GP, my counsellor, a close family member and the stop it now helpline and reached to them for support when needed. Do what you need to do to get through this time, talk it out with someone you trust if you want to and take moments for yourself, it's ok and expected to cry and feel down sometimes.
I would try to carry on as normal because you really won't know how long the process will take. Take your time to get over the initial shock first though. We continued as normal (as best we could) because I didnt want to worry for what has ended up being 1 and a half yrs so far. It's hard to do but putting it to the back of our minds until it comes back around has helped us be the best parents in the situation.
You will start to feel better, the anxiety will lessen over time, don't feel bad about asking for help. You will get through it, I'm saying this and I'm not at the end yet, I know it will come back around for us as well. This is something that has and will continue to affect your life but it doesn't have to ruin it. X
I would try to carry on as normal because you really won't know how long the process will take. Take your time to get over the initial shock first though. We continued as normal (as best we could) because I didnt want to worry for what has ended up being 1 and a half yrs so far. It's hard to do but putting it to the back of our minds until it comes back around has helped us be the best parents in the situation.
You will start to feel better, the anxiety will lessen over time, don't feel bad about asking for help. You will get through it, I'm saying this and I'm not at the end yet, I know it will come back around for us as well. This is something that has and will continue to affect your life but it doesn't have to ruin it. X
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Ahh River. Good to see you're reaching out again. I'm so sorry you feel this way but 3 weeks is still so early. Its such a shock and a massive trauma.
I got signed off work for the first month and GP increased my anti-depressants. Anti-depressants ate not everyone's cup of tea but I'd been on them for years prior to the knock and just needed the increase to help me function with day to day life. Not being at work helped me sort my head out a bit.
I got very good at putting my fake self mask on everyday and blocking it all out which worked but never really dealt with true feelings. Had some talking therapy which helped too.
Things are definitely easier. I'm 2 years on and sentencing is in May. I am feeling more positive although I'm thinking I might have a bit of PTSD which is triggered everytime I have to deal with SS...I guess the trauma and stress experienced in the first few months came from them more than my person.
The days will get easier. Maybe reach out for some professional help? You want to live not exist.
Hugs x
I got signed off work for the first month and GP increased my anti-depressants. Anti-depressants ate not everyone's cup of tea but I'd been on them for years prior to the knock and just needed the increase to help me function with day to day life. Not being at work helped me sort my head out a bit.
I got very good at putting my fake self mask on everyday and blocking it all out which worked but never really dealt with true feelings. Had some talking therapy which helped too.
Things are definitely easier. I'm 2 years on and sentencing is in May. I am feeling more positive although I'm thinking I might have a bit of PTSD which is triggered everytime I have to deal with SS...I guess the trauma and stress experienced in the first few months came from them more than my person.
The days will get easier. Maybe reach out for some professional help? You want to live not exist.
Hugs x
Hi river
It won't feel like that for now, but it does get easier.
We are coming up to 3 years since sentence. It really has flow by and I felt everything, thinking my life was over and it was all going to be doom and gloom.
I still worry about things, still get upset. But I'm more calmer and don't overwhelm myself as much as I did in the beginning.
Take care
Keep coming on here
Virtual hugs
Anne x
It won't feel like that for now, but it does get easier.
We are coming up to 3 years since sentence. It really has flow by and I felt everything, thinking my life was over and it was all going to be doom and gloom.
I still worry about things, still get upset. But I'm more calmer and don't overwhelm myself as much as I did in the beginning.
Take care
Keep coming on here
Virtual hugs
Anne x
We were November last year I still feel as if I am on a roller coaster some days but those days are less as we get closer to a court date we all get more stressed then it's deferred again as cps won't release phone so we can have an independent look at it.
Take a day at a time self care is vital xx
Take a day at a time self care is vital xx
Be kind to yourself, 3 weeks in is still very raw. I went on anti depressants at that point and my bouncy self is pretty much back now (6 months in).
As others have said, I just faked it when I was at your stage.
also, like others, I have a PTSD which takes me straight back to day 1 every time the police or social services get in touch. But each time, I get over it more quickly (hours, rather than days)
you will find your bounce again, but in the meantime, pour your heart out here and to the helpline etc
x
As others have said, I just faked it when I was at your stage.
also, like others, I have a PTSD which takes me straight back to day 1 every time the police or social services get in touch. But each time, I get over it more quickly (hours, rather than days)
you will find your bounce again, but in the meantime, pour your heart out here and to the helpline etc
x
I'm a bit further down the line than you are.
In the end I felt like I couldn't continue the relationship I had with my partner. It was one of the most difficult things to go through. I lost myself for a long time, couldn't eat or sleep. Like some of the other comments, I went onto medication to help me gain some control back. It also pushed me to go to therapy and get extra support.
Whether people stay with offending partners or make the choice to leave, it's so important to treat yourself with love and the respect you deserve. I'm sorry that you are on this journey, but I want you to know that it is possible to come back from the dark place it takes you.
In the end I felt like I couldn't continue the relationship I had with my partner. It was one of the most difficult things to go through. I lost myself for a long time, couldn't eat or sleep. Like some of the other comments, I went onto medication to help me gain some control back. It also pushed me to go to therapy and get extra support.
Whether people stay with offending partners or make the choice to leave, it's so important to treat yourself with love and the respect you deserve. I'm sorry that you are on this journey, but I want you to know that it is possible to come back from the dark place it takes you.
K4, I'm glad you've mentioned the PTSD thing. Sometimes I feel like I'm being over the top and should be used to SS now. I work in healthcare and regularly do safeguarding children training...the last 2 I've done I've had the worst anxiety and almost been in tears by the end of it. I think it brings home the reality my kids are on a CPP and I know their dad would never abuse them, especially after being abused himself as a child. I know I keep my kids safe but feel like SS think I lack insight...makes me feel sick!
River, I really hope you are able to get through this weekend. Please keep posting x
River, I really hope you are able to get through this weekend. Please keep posting x
I'm just two months on and although its still horribly stressful and i'm very down, it doesnt compare to thr first few weeks which were utterly hideous. I totally feel you. But the shock, fear and panic I felt in those first few weeks has calmed down. Tell people you can really trust and take their offers of help. I would never have got through this time without my close friends. Also get some professional therapy if you can. I was so overwhelmed by advice and constant questions at the beginning and needed a professiona listening ear. My GP was lovely too. Also try and grab pockets of normality and get out the house. When I am home too much I tend to spiral. Sending lots of love x
This journey is like a rollercoaster yes it does get easier overall I'm nearly 4 years into it and in the past 2 weeks I've had a massive wobble still am going through it.
things get easier and like carries on then something happens and it sets you back either charges court issues with work house insurance social services jobs/money probation/visor Holidays.
it's not easy but you do get through it but in my case I have to as I have children. Im pretty sure I wouldn't have stayed and supported if just me. We are not together anymore but do what's best for the kids
things get easier and like carries on then something happens and it sets you back either charges court issues with work house insurance social services jobs/money probation/visor Holidays.
it's not easy but you do get through it but in my case I have to as I have children. Im pretty sure I wouldn't have stayed and supported if just me. We are not together anymore but do what's best for the kids
Hey River it's so hard isn't it? I am 2 months post knock and coming out of the haze and finding a new normal. I have 2 kids so has been hard helping them to adjust, as well as facilitate supervised contact with my ex - means I'm not able to have a normal break up or response to this as have to play happy families.
All the contact with social services and the police etc can re trigger big emotions so be kind to yourself.
All the contact with social services and the police etc can re trigger big emotions so be kind to yourself.
Hi all,
Wow, I'm a bit shocked by the amount of responses! Thank you all so much for responding and for your kind words and reassurance. It really does mean a lot. Also sorry for responding so late, I've had a couple of really tough days and just needed to take some time for myself away from the screen, but I'm grateful to everyone for commenting and I'll respond individually to you all below.
x
Lee - Thank you so much for your response. It makes complete sense and I completely understand what you mean about the initial fight or flight response in these early days. At the moment, I feel like I’m constantly in a battle between the two and in danger of making a rash decision that I’m scared of regretting. Thank you so much for your advice and having read your other posts on the forum, you give me hope and it’s nice to hear that there is potentially a good life to be had on the other side.
AlwaysHopeful - Thank you so much for your response. Reading that you’ve managed to put this to the back of your minds is absolutely amazing and I really admire your ability to do that for the sake of you and your family. I think perhaps because I’m still so early into the process, I’m finding it impossible to do but maybe with time I’ll be able to as well. I already have a therapist and I’ve since reached out to her again to restart my sessions which has been a bit helpful. Thanks for the reassurance, it’s really appreciated.
Parkerpoo1 - Thank you for sharing and I’m so pleased for you that you’ve been able to confide in your best friend about this. I imagine it must have been a huge weight off your shoulders just to be able to tell someone. I’ve confided in three close friends, two of which have been very supportive and kind, the other friend sadly not so much… Hope your medication works for you as well, well done for taking them if you feel you need to. It’s not always an easy decision to take them and I’m considering it as well if therapy doesn’t help.
Lois34 - Thanks so much for your response again - it's nice to see a familiar username from my first post! Thanks for sharing your experience and also for validating mine! I’m so glad anti-depressants have helped you. As I said to Parker, I’m definitely pro taking them if people want to. I’ve never taken them myself but I’m now considering it as the anxiety and stress on a daily basis is horrendous to deal with. I have therapy on a regular basis anyway and I’ve resumed regular sessions which is helping but the daily struggle is REAL. Sorry to hear you think you might have PTSD. It’s understandable though as this situation is so traumatic for those involved. You’re definitely right about wanting to live, not exist though. I’ve never been someone who just exists, and I have no intentions of starting now…! Wishing you all the best for the sentencing in May.
Anne20 - Thank you so much for your response. I can’t tell you how helpful and reassuring it is to read responses from people like yourself who are on the other side of this hideous journey and can say it gets easier. It really gives me hope that it will. Thank you so much for sharing.
Inturmoil1974 - Hope you’re taking care of yourself and I’m sorry to hear you’re also going through the rollercoaster of emotions as well. Good luck for your court date and I hope it comes quickly so the limbo stage can pass for you.
K4 - Thank you so much for sharing and I’m delighted you’ve found your bounce again. (I really miss mine!). Unfortunately I’m the kind of person who’s incapable of hiding a single emotion so faking a smile is quite hard, but I’m doing my best. So sorry to hear you also have PTSD, but very understandable given the trauma involved with this awful situation. Hope your bounce remains with you and the PTSD lessens with time.
Anxiousmummy - Thank you so much for sharing and I’m so pleased to hear things have calmed down for you further down the line. It’s desperately what I’m wanting to hear at the moment, so I really appreciate you reaching out and sharing. I completely understand what you mean about spiralling when I’m alone at home - I do the exact same thing. Therapy is definitely a luxury godsend for me as are a handful of my close friends who I’ve shared this with. Hope things continue to get easier for you.
Summer - I think it’s understandable and valid to have wobbles no matter how far along in this process you are, whether you’re two weeks, two months, two years or two decades in. From what I’ve read on here, I understand this journey leaves scars so it’s understandable to still be knocked by it. Thank you so much for sharing and it’s good to hear from someone further down the line that it gets easier.
Thanks again all, hope you're having restful weekends. x
Wow, I'm a bit shocked by the amount of responses! Thank you all so much for responding and for your kind words and reassurance. It really does mean a lot. Also sorry for responding so late, I've had a couple of really tough days and just needed to take some time for myself away from the screen, but I'm grateful to everyone for commenting and I'll respond individually to you all below.
x
Lee - Thank you so much for your response. It makes complete sense and I completely understand what you mean about the initial fight or flight response in these early days. At the moment, I feel like I’m constantly in a battle between the two and in danger of making a rash decision that I’m scared of regretting. Thank you so much for your advice and having read your other posts on the forum, you give me hope and it’s nice to hear that there is potentially a good life to be had on the other side.
AlwaysHopeful - Thank you so much for your response. Reading that you’ve managed to put this to the back of your minds is absolutely amazing and I really admire your ability to do that for the sake of you and your family. I think perhaps because I’m still so early into the process, I’m finding it impossible to do but maybe with time I’ll be able to as well. I already have a therapist and I’ve since reached out to her again to restart my sessions which has been a bit helpful. Thanks for the reassurance, it’s really appreciated.
Parkerpoo1 - Thank you for sharing and I’m so pleased for you that you’ve been able to confide in your best friend about this. I imagine it must have been a huge weight off your shoulders just to be able to tell someone. I’ve confided in three close friends, two of which have been very supportive and kind, the other friend sadly not so much… Hope your medication works for you as well, well done for taking them if you feel you need to. It’s not always an easy decision to take them and I’m considering it as well if therapy doesn’t help.
Lois34 - Thanks so much for your response again - it's nice to see a familiar username from my first post! Thanks for sharing your experience and also for validating mine! I’m so glad anti-depressants have helped you. As I said to Parker, I’m definitely pro taking them if people want to. I’ve never taken them myself but I’m now considering it as the anxiety and stress on a daily basis is horrendous to deal with. I have therapy on a regular basis anyway and I’ve resumed regular sessions which is helping but the daily struggle is REAL. Sorry to hear you think you might have PTSD. It’s understandable though as this situation is so traumatic for those involved. You’re definitely right about wanting to live, not exist though. I’ve never been someone who just exists, and I have no intentions of starting now…! Wishing you all the best for the sentencing in May.
Anne20 - Thank you so much for your response. I can’t tell you how helpful and reassuring it is to read responses from people like yourself who are on the other side of this hideous journey and can say it gets easier. It really gives me hope that it will. Thank you so much for sharing.
Inturmoil1974 - Hope you’re taking care of yourself and I’m sorry to hear you’re also going through the rollercoaster of emotions as well. Good luck for your court date and I hope it comes quickly so the limbo stage can pass for you.
K4 - Thank you so much for sharing and I’m delighted you’ve found your bounce again. (I really miss mine!). Unfortunately I’m the kind of person who’s incapable of hiding a single emotion so faking a smile is quite hard, but I’m doing my best. So sorry to hear you also have PTSD, but very understandable given the trauma involved with this awful situation. Hope your bounce remains with you and the PTSD lessens with time.
Anxiousmummy - Thank you so much for sharing and I’m so pleased to hear things have calmed down for you further down the line. It’s desperately what I’m wanting to hear at the moment, so I really appreciate you reaching out and sharing. I completely understand what you mean about spiralling when I’m alone at home - I do the exact same thing. Therapy is definitely a luxury godsend for me as are a handful of my close friends who I’ve shared this with. Hope things continue to get easier for you.
Summer - I think it’s understandable and valid to have wobbles no matter how far along in this process you are, whether you’re two weeks, two months, two years or two decades in. From what I’ve read on here, I understand this journey leaves scars so it’s understandable to still be knocked by it. Thank you so much for sharing and it’s good to hear from someone further down the line that it gets easier.
Thanks again all, hope you're having restful weekends. x