Feelings
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Hi
Does anyone feel the same way as me?
I'm over a year in, my son to be ex husband is currently in prison. I've been lied to again and again, treated really badly by him but although I've gone through the shock and desperately missing him, I haven't gone through anger or hatred, I actually feel sorry for him being in prison.
What on earth is all that about??
Xx
Does anyone feel the same way as me?
I'm over a year in, my son to be ex husband is currently in prison. I've been lied to again and again, treated really badly by him but although I've gone through the shock and desperately missing him, I haven't gone through anger or hatred, I actually feel sorry for him being in prison.
What on earth is all that about??
Xx
Hi Tracey
i have to agree, that because we all seem to have some empathetic understanding we can feel compassion for others. Even if we don’t want to be in a relationship and dragged down with them.
I think it would help me if my husband really engaged with therapy but know that’s a long road and in his case one he had to travel himself. He is still struggling with suicidal thoughts but does appear to recognise what he did was wrong and he was experiencing trauma.
i have not felt too much anger in the last 7 months just a overwhelming sadness and shock about what happened.
i sm sure like my husband your ex was and is not a happy person and as a child they experience something cruel that crushed their self esteem. It’s nit excusable what they did because while they may be traumatised as a child as an adult they could have saught help and they didn’t . My husband acted out his pain through sexual behaviours and this was illegal.
Hr must have known what he was doing was wrong but they still choose to do it anyway. I think my husband feels like a bad person and his actions showed his self worth was bad. I think as much as I loved him he never felt he deserved it and had major anxiety and depression issues.
i hope I haven’t gone on too much it’s late and my mind is racing. What your feeling Tracey is normal. I don’t think their is a time frame. I am only greatful this forum makes me feel less isolated and alone.
I hope you have a friend you can talk to. Oh by the way. How is your dog after you realised your ex cancelled the insurance. Hope they are well.
i think it’s typical of us that maybe we can be angry on behalf of another person or a pet. But when it comes to ourselves we don’t always appreciate we deserved love honesty and respect.
anyway hope this makes sense. Be kind to yourself Tracey x
i have to agree, that because we all seem to have some empathetic understanding we can feel compassion for others. Even if we don’t want to be in a relationship and dragged down with them.
I think it would help me if my husband really engaged with therapy but know that’s a long road and in his case one he had to travel himself. He is still struggling with suicidal thoughts but does appear to recognise what he did was wrong and he was experiencing trauma.
i have not felt too much anger in the last 7 months just a overwhelming sadness and shock about what happened.
i sm sure like my husband your ex was and is not a happy person and as a child they experience something cruel that crushed their self esteem. It’s nit excusable what they did because while they may be traumatised as a child as an adult they could have saught help and they didn’t . My husband acted out his pain through sexual behaviours and this was illegal.
Hr must have known what he was doing was wrong but they still choose to do it anyway. I think my husband feels like a bad person and his actions showed his self worth was bad. I think as much as I loved him he never felt he deserved it and had major anxiety and depression issues.
i hope I haven’t gone on too much it’s late and my mind is racing. What your feeling Tracey is normal. I don’t think their is a time frame. I am only greatful this forum makes me feel less isolated and alone.
I hope you have a friend you can talk to. Oh by the way. How is your dog after you realised your ex cancelled the insurance. Hope they are well.
i think it’s typical of us that maybe we can be angry on behalf of another person or a pet. But when it comes to ourselves we don’t always appreciate we deserved love honesty and respect.
anyway hope this makes sense. Be kind to yourself Tracey x
Awww thanks guys, I feel better after reading your responses
You're right we are nice people and their find it hard to go through other emotions that in normal circumstances we would!!
Bethlou23 - my dog is doing well thanks, the operation isn't an option for him, not because of the money but the aftercare involved and his nature just wouldn't go together unfortunately. He's now off his painkillers and I've got him going to hydrotherapy once a week, he also has joint supplements and stored all ball play so fingers crossed he'll be fine.
How your both have a good evening, I'm feeling really good today and it's such a rarity that I'm enjoying every single minute
Xx
You're right we are nice people and their find it hard to go through other emotions that in normal circumstances we would!!
Bethlou23 - my dog is doing well thanks, the operation isn't an option for him, not because of the money but the aftercare involved and his nature just wouldn't go together unfortunately. He's now off his painkillers and I've got him going to hydrotherapy once a week, he also has joint supplements and stored all ball play so fingers crossed he'll be fine.
How your both have a good evening, I'm feeling really good today and it's such a rarity that I'm enjoying every single minute
Xx
Tracey didn’t get to respond yesterday as struggling with navigating my way around the forum. I really wish all the new posts were on the front sheet rather than different sections. Your dog must enjoy his hydro therapy sessions. I hope things look up glide him soon. It’s good your last message was so positive. I have been in a good mood today but don’t worry if negative feelings suddenly take over. I think it’s normal for feelings to be up and down. We have all been through a huge shock. Some days like today I feel very resilient and others I just want to hide away. But I am genuinely getting through this and ultimately although I won’t ever be greatful for the betrayal I know I will come out stronger and more independent than previously. X
Hi Bethlou23
Glad you're feeling a bit more positive, you're doing so well managing your little girl during this horrifically time.
My counsellor is really good, she's really making me explore different things and although it's hard it needs to be done.
She suggested that I'm suffering from s form of PTSD due to the experience I, and all you other lovely people on this forum, have gone through.
I found that hard to believe because I suppose I'd always thought of that being strictly for people in the armed forces but actually reading about it there are definitely elements that apply!
Let's hope we have more good than bad days
Stay strong xx
Glad you're feeling a bit more positive, you're doing so well managing your little girl during this horrifically time.
My counsellor is really good, she's really making me explore different things and although it's hard it needs to be done.
She suggested that I'm suffering from s form of PTSD due to the experience I, and all you other lovely people on this forum, have gone through.
I found that hard to believe because I suppose I'd always thought of that being strictly for people in the armed forces but actually reading about it there are definitely elements that apply!
Let's hope we have more good than bad days
Stay strong xx
Tracey I think your counsellor must be right. I was in a complete daze the day of the knock and following weeks. I have had a car accident before and feel the incident was like that. Almost I wasn’t there but watching what was going on.
I am starting up my counselling again soon. As I need a safe space to unpick my feelings and understanding what’s going on. The lies and the betrayal of my husband have also made me question my whole life situation and attachments with my parents so it’s opened up a whole host of unresolved issues and emotions for me.I am so pleased I am seeing a counsellor I need that safe space. Plus I don’t feel guilty because she is paid to hear me go over my situation to make sense of it.
i hope we all have good futures. I needed to separate because that chapter is over. I need a fresh start. I already know outs going to be hard to trust again but I do like my self and despite the knock to my sexual self esteem. I do feel more comfortable in my self.
i May find out soon about what’s on my husbands computer so I will check in with you all.
your messages do help I thank everyone for sharing so openly x
I am starting up my counselling again soon. As I need a safe space to unpick my feelings and understanding what’s going on. The lies and the betrayal of my husband have also made me question my whole life situation and attachments with my parents so it’s opened up a whole host of unresolved issues and emotions for me.I am so pleased I am seeing a counsellor I need that safe space. Plus I don’t feel guilty because she is paid to hear me go over my situation to make sense of it.
i hope we all have good futures. I needed to separate because that chapter is over. I need a fresh start. I already know outs going to be hard to trust again but I do like my self and despite the knock to my sexual self esteem. I do feel more comfortable in my self.
i May find out soon about what’s on my husbands computer so I will check in with you all.
your messages do help I thank everyone for sharing so openly x
Bethlou23
You're doing great, you're such a lovely, supportive lady, wish we could meet for a cuppa, chat and hugs, until we do it'll have to be a virtual hug
Xxx
You're doing great, you're such a lovely, supportive lady, wish we could meet for a cuppa, chat and hugs, until we do it'll have to be a virtual hug
Xxx
Yes I feel the same. I hate what hes done but hes a good person in other aspects. I still feel professionals should approach this in a different way. Help and try and understand rather than just label them. Also as this is happening a lot more these days there should be more done into the sites being closed and actually catching the ones putting the images on the sites.
I’m 22 months in to my ex husband being arrested and I still don’t know what exactly it’s all about yet!
We have 2 girls who I keep going for. He’s put us through so much...
He left the family home in November 2016, marriage ended sometime at the end of January/beginning of February 2017.
He announce his new gf in February 2017, but found out it was an affair.
We all work at the same place (they are in the warehouse, I’m in the offices)
My poor girls have dealt with so much (now 12.5 and nearly 5)
He got arrested at work in August 2017.
He now lives with his now wife (got married end of May 2019) Girls did not know nor were they invited.
In March 2019, I got called in to make a statement about our marriage, the children etc. I got to ask a couple questions, as other than knowing they had his devices (& a laptop he stole from mine) I knew nothing. So, they’re looking at a year time frame (6/7 months before leaving)
It’s to do with a child that was 14-15 across this timeframe. Makes me sick. They have evidence to prove he knew how old this child was.
the case is now back with CPS for a decision to be made and I am now feeling angry. It’s all inside and very hard to explain, but I know I’m angry and I can’t shift it.
How do these people get on with their ‘normal’ lives?
So I’ve tried 3 very short Yoga sessions in my living room this week and so far so good. Didn’t help me sleep last night, but finally got the strength to come on here and sign up. I was only passed the info on this site last week, maybe the week before.
What a bloody ballache ????
Hang in there everyone. Sounds as though we all go through the same channels and we WILL get through it. We WILL come out the other end and we WILL fight whatever’s next.....
We have 2 girls who I keep going for. He’s put us through so much...
He left the family home in November 2016, marriage ended sometime at the end of January/beginning of February 2017.
He announce his new gf in February 2017, but found out it was an affair.
We all work at the same place (they are in the warehouse, I’m in the offices)
My poor girls have dealt with so much (now 12.5 and nearly 5)
He got arrested at work in August 2017.
He now lives with his now wife (got married end of May 2019) Girls did not know nor were they invited.
In March 2019, I got called in to make a statement about our marriage, the children etc. I got to ask a couple questions, as other than knowing they had his devices (& a laptop he stole from mine) I knew nothing. So, they’re looking at a year time frame (6/7 months before leaving)
It’s to do with a child that was 14-15 across this timeframe. Makes me sick. They have evidence to prove he knew how old this child was.
the case is now back with CPS for a decision to be made and I am now feeling angry. It’s all inside and very hard to explain, but I know I’m angry and I can’t shift it.
How do these people get on with their ‘normal’ lives?
So I’ve tried 3 very short Yoga sessions in my living room this week and so far so good. Didn’t help me sleep last night, but finally got the strength to come on here and sign up. I was only passed the info on this site last week, maybe the week before.
What a bloody ballache ????
Hang in there everyone. Sounds as though we all go through the same channels and we WILL get through it. We WILL come out the other end and we WILL fight whatever’s next.....
Hi Sillyac
Welcome to our group that is the best in the world but for the worse reasons!
You sound as though you have had a terrible time, well done for getting this far!!
Sleep or lack of it was my enemy for ages so I tried some herbal sleeping tablets from boots and only took them when I absolutely had to, they did the trick, really helped me, I now find I'm just constantly tired even though I'm getting 7 or 8 hours a night!!!
You have had a double betrayal, are the police being supportive to you? I found them to be awful and all about my son to be ex husband until they wanted me to give evidence then all of a sudden I was important!!
You're doing great, keep coming on here, try taking a bit of you time
Lots of love xx
Welcome to our group that is the best in the world but for the worse reasons!
You sound as though you have had a terrible time, well done for getting this far!!
Sleep or lack of it was my enemy for ages so I tried some herbal sleeping tablets from boots and only took them when I absolutely had to, they did the trick, really helped me, I now find I'm just constantly tired even though I'm getting 7 or 8 hours a night!!!
You have had a double betrayal, are the police being supportive to you? I found them to be awful and all about my son to be ex husband until they wanted me to give evidence then all of a sudden I was important!!
You're doing great, keep coming on here, try taking a bit of you time
Lots of love xx
Hi
Thank you. What a whirlwind...
Does anyone know if I have rights on knowing or finding out what the alleged offences are? Not knowing has driven me crazy and it’s just getting worse.
Really hoping it won’t be much longer with CPS, but nearly 2 years on I feel like I’m losing the plot...
x
Thank you. What a whirlwind...
Does anyone know if I have rights on knowing or finding out what the alleged offences are? Not knowing has driven me crazy and it’s just getting worse.
Really hoping it won’t be much longer with CPS, but nearly 2 years on I feel like I’m losing the plot...
x
Due to data protection the police could only tell me if myself husband agreed they could, what he did was tell them he would let me know and then didn't.
The only time I found out what was going on was when I'd agreed to give evidence against him, then I was told court dates so I could go and find out for myself!!
Good luck, it might be worth asking xx
The only time I found out what was going on was when I'd agreed to give evidence against him, then I was told court dates so I could go and find out for myself!!
Good luck, it might be worth asking xx