Conflicting feelings
Notifications OFF
I spent time with my niece (15) and sister yesterday. We were talking about van colours and my niece referred to a white van as a P van. It's sent me off into a bit of a spiral thinking about what I maybe bringing to my families doorstep when he's released, potentially to my home, the shame they might feel for being associated with us (they don't know about his offending or that we are still together - only my parents), the situation my niece might be put in if we have to disclose at all - Trying to process that at her age.
But there is also part of me that is glad my niece recognises that cat calling isn't her problem, she's not doing anything wrong. When I was younger (about the same age as my niece) I did a 400m walk back from a shop to my family home, not wearing anything particularly revealing but it was summer, I was cat called 3 times by men in white vans. I cried when I got home and it took a while for me to explain to my Mum because I felt ashamed, like I'd done something wrong. I've often thought about this and the men in pubs that would wolf whistle us on the way home from school - Such public show of 'sexual attraction' to children but nothing was done and some how seemed acceptable. I wonder how many of these men are the ones also commenting with such hatred on newspaper articles.
I'm glad these offences are becoming illegal, I think it is important in changing some mens behaviour towards females. I learnt recently that cyber flash is illegal, there has been a bit of talk around it on the radio lately and I think that's helpful too in highlighting online behaviour is real. As always, I wish there was more awareness of the harm and the legal implication of online actions in the places these offences take place.
But there is also part of me that is glad my niece recognises that cat calling isn't her problem, she's not doing anything wrong. When I was younger (about the same age as my niece) I did a 400m walk back from a shop to my family home, not wearing anything particularly revealing but it was summer, I was cat called 3 times by men in white vans. I cried when I got home and it took a while for me to explain to my Mum because I felt ashamed, like I'd done something wrong. I've often thought about this and the men in pubs that would wolf whistle us on the way home from school - Such public show of 'sexual attraction' to children but nothing was done and some how seemed acceptable. I wonder how many of these men are the ones also commenting with such hatred on newspaper articles.
I'm glad these offences are becoming illegal, I think it is important in changing some mens behaviour towards females. I learnt recently that cyber flash is illegal, there has been a bit of talk around it on the radio lately and I think that's helpful too in highlighting online behaviour is real. As always, I wish there was more awareness of the harm and the legal implication of online actions in the places these offences take place.
It's so hard isn't it?
I am now hypersensitive to the normalisation of objectifying teen girls. It is EVERYWHERE! I think about when Charlotte Church turned 16 and the Sun did a countdown. I think about the careers of Britney and Christina Aguilera and just how casually their sexuality was used from such a young age. I get VERY CROSS ABOUT IT.
I don't blame your niece for calling white vans that as it is absolutely her experience of them!
Society normalises this stuff and yet utterly condemns the behaviour. At least one of these things needs to change or we won't be able to fix this.
x
I am now hypersensitive to the normalisation of objectifying teen girls. It is EVERYWHERE! I think about when Charlotte Church turned 16 and the Sun did a countdown. I think about the careers of Britney and Christina Aguilera and just how casually their sexuality was used from such a young age. I get VERY CROSS ABOUT IT.
I don't blame your niece for calling white vans that as it is absolutely her experience of them!
Society normalises this stuff and yet utterly condemns the behaviour. At least one of these things needs to change or we won't be able to fix this.
x
Another thing (poss a little controversial) that annoys me. The charity appeals on tv for little girls and the narrative how they are forced into sexual relationships/marriage etc. Surely the men are the P word then?
I respect the different cultures but it just enters my head every time I see it.....
I respect the different cultures but it just enters my head every time I see it.....
Hi Sal,
We absolutely have a culture of sexualising teenage girls, on all porn sites you'll find teen in the title of most of the videos. With reference to your niece and how she will feel and process things obviously I don't know her but in my experience of having mu teenagers at a similar age (17 and 14 at the knock) I can say that as much as they don't want anything to do with my person they've said that they know "he's not like that" because of how they've felt around him. Teenagers tend to have developed a way of knowing if someone is a threat to them or their peers. Their decision not to see him is mostly based on what he put me through.
I have similar thoughts about telling our little one when the time comes, I don't know how I'll tell her that daddy is seen as one of the "bad" people I've told her about that spoke to children in an adult way. It's all so confusing xxx
We absolutely have a culture of sexualising teenage girls, on all porn sites you'll find teen in the title of most of the videos. With reference to your niece and how she will feel and process things obviously I don't know her but in my experience of having mu teenagers at a similar age (17 and 14 at the knock) I can say that as much as they don't want anything to do with my person they've said that they know "he's not like that" because of how they've felt around him. Teenagers tend to have developed a way of knowing if someone is a threat to them or their peers. Their decision not to see him is mostly based on what he put me through.
I have similar thoughts about telling our little one when the time comes, I don't know how I'll tell her that daddy is seen as one of the "bad" people I've told her about that spoke to children in an adult way. It's all so confusing xxx
@SAL this opens a whole dialogue about patriarchy & societal sexualisation of the female form not just relating to children. It's great that she is recognising inappropriate behaviour and sad that she is subject to it, I guess she needs to develop the confidence and skills to be able to call out this type of behaviour safely, we all do. Your relationship sounds great, the fact that she can discuss issues with you is particularly healthy and absolutely invaluable. Hope you're doing ok x