Worried about the future
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Feeling hopeless, everyone on my OH’s wing is telling him how on the outside probation and visor are out to get you, that they will try anything to say you’ve breached your SHPO or license conditions and get you recalled. He’s become terrified of being released and said at least in prison the guards aren’t trying to trip you up or antagonize you. He thinks he will do something on accident once released and end up recalled and be in and out of prison for the rest of his life.
One guy said his probation officer kept calling him the P word to his face so he gave him attitude, and thinks this is why the officer was so determined to get him sent to prison for a SHPO breach because he felt he should have gone to prison in the first place not have a suspended sentence. Another guy said he’s been recalled 6 times (but he did tell my OH to get a smartphone but not register it and tell visor it’s his mother’s, so he doesn’t sound reliable for life advice). It can’t be impossible to live life with a SHPO or I’d see more posts on this forum surely about people’s breaches, or everyone who’s got a suspended sentence ending up being sent to prison, but I just feel hopeless. My OH says it feels like you can’t do anything but it seems basic to me, internet monitoring, register all devices and emails etc, don’t live or go to a house with people under 16. But what if you can’t remember every single social media account you’ve ever had or every single alias you’ve ever used online when you register at the police station, what if you do forget to register an old Amazon fire stick you forgot you had then visor find it at one of their random visits.
I feel so stressed out about it all, never mind the financial problems and OH being unemployed with an unspent conviction.
Please how hard is life with a SHPO and license conditions?
One guy said his probation officer kept calling him the P word to his face so he gave him attitude, and thinks this is why the officer was so determined to get him sent to prison for a SHPO breach because he felt he should have gone to prison in the first place not have a suspended sentence. Another guy said he’s been recalled 6 times (but he did tell my OH to get a smartphone but not register it and tell visor it’s his mother’s, so he doesn’t sound reliable for life advice). It can’t be impossible to live life with a SHPO or I’d see more posts on this forum surely about people’s breaches, or everyone who’s got a suspended sentence ending up being sent to prison, but I just feel hopeless. My OH says it feels like you can’t do anything but it seems basic to me, internet monitoring, register all devices and emails etc, don’t live or go to a house with people under 16. But what if you can’t remember every single social media account you’ve ever had or every single alias you’ve ever used online when you register at the police station, what if you do forget to register an old Amazon fire stick you forgot you had then visor find it at one of their random visits.
I feel so stressed out about it all, never mind the financial problems and OH being unemployed with an unspent conviction.
Please how hard is life with a SHPO and license conditions?
I can understand how stressful that would be to your OH but he needs to remember that he can't trust anyone as far as he can throw them. We are more than aware that authorities can be very difficult and also that, certainly on this journey, that not every offender is bad or scheming. It's likely your OH has come across offenders who perhaps live in denial and make their behaviour seem like someone else's fault. Many people are on the other side of this journey and are managing just fine, I'm sure your OH will too, he sounds as though he will do everything he can to avoid any backlash and also being honest with you about what he's been told by those on his wing. There's lots of resources to help you both when he's out and I'm sure he will get to grips with a new normal xx
I can completely understand you worrying. I worry about similar things - I'm confident my person won't do anything like this again, but I'm worried we'll forget something.
We've both agreed banking and Internet needs to be very very simple so it's easy to keep track of. My person had a complicated IT setup and many accounts he'd use to hook up with people. He plans on talking to his PO about these and what needs to be done with them. He doesn't want to use the accounts and happy not to use the IT equipment, but also doesn't want to be accused of throwing it away in an attempt to hide evidence. The thought makes me nervous though.
But for now it's not something I need to think about.
As for what he's been told in prison, I've found prison to be worse than schools in terms of rumours and exaggerations to stories. There is no way to validate their story or the circumstances that led to being recalled.
What Lee has said about writing it down is a good idea, but try to focus on the things happening now and in the near future.
If he has some specific questions he could try reaching out to the Prisoner Advices Service, he should be able to call free of charge from prison.
We've both agreed banking and Internet needs to be very very simple so it's easy to keep track of. My person had a complicated IT setup and many accounts he'd use to hook up with people. He plans on talking to his PO about these and what needs to be done with them. He doesn't want to use the accounts and happy not to use the IT equipment, but also doesn't want to be accused of throwing it away in an attempt to hide evidence. The thought makes me nervous though.
But for now it's not something I need to think about.
As for what he's been told in prison, I've found prison to be worse than schools in terms of rumours and exaggerations to stories. There is no way to validate their story or the circumstances that led to being recalled.
What Lee has said about writing it down is a good idea, but try to focus on the things happening now and in the near future.
If he has some specific questions he could try reaching out to the Prisoner Advices Service, he should be able to call free of charge from prison.
I can completely understand you worrying. I worry about similar things - I'm confident my person won't do anything like this again, but I'm worried we'll forget something.
We've both agreed banking and Internet needs to be very very simple so it's easy to keep track of. My person had a complicated IT setup and many accounts he'd use to hook up with people. He plans on talking to his PO about these and what needs to be done with them. He doesn't want to use the accounts and happy not to use the IT equipment, but also doesn't want to be accused of throwing it away in an attempt to hide evidence. The thought makes me nervous though.
But for now it's not something I need to think about.
As for what he's been told in prison, I've found prison to be worse than schools in terms of rumours and exaggerations to stories. There is no way to validate their story or the circumstances that led to being recalled.
What Lee has said about writing it down is a good idea, but try to focus on the things happening now and in the near future.
If he has some specific questions he could try reaching out to the Prisoner Advices Service, he should be able to call free of charge from prison.
We've both agreed banking and Internet needs to be very very simple so it's easy to keep track of. My person had a complicated IT setup and many accounts he'd use to hook up with people. He plans on talking to his PO about these and what needs to be done with them. He doesn't want to use the accounts and happy not to use the IT equipment, but also doesn't want to be accused of throwing it away in an attempt to hide evidence. The thought makes me nervous though.
But for now it's not something I need to think about.
As for what he's been told in prison, I've found prison to be worse than schools in terms of rumours and exaggerations to stories. There is no way to validate their story or the circumstances that led to being recalled.
What Lee has said about writing it down is a good idea, but try to focus on the things happening now and in the near future.
If he has some specific questions he could try reaching out to the Prisoner Advices Service, he should be able to call free of charge from prison.
Hi
Just wanted to hop in and say that living life is possible! So many of us are living it.
Lee, just wanted to say that visor can go around your home if suspicion is around. My son couldn't find his keys. He took too long to answer the door (3 mins) so he did search around our house including mine and my sons bedrooms. We now keep a spare key by the front door so it can never happen again. I only put this in as you can circumvent something like this hapoening. We've also now got a ring doorbell, although my son isn't allowed access to it. X
Just wanted to hop in and say that living life is possible! So many of us are living it.
Lee, just wanted to say that visor can go around your home if suspicion is around. My son couldn't find his keys. He took too long to answer the door (3 mins) so he did search around our house including mine and my sons bedrooms. We now keep a spare key by the front door so it can never happen again. I only put this in as you can circumvent something like this hapoening. We've also now got a ring doorbell, although my son isn't allowed access to it. X
Thing is, he was and was running backwards and forwards to the door shouting through it - I'm sorry, I can't find my keys! In his dressing gown and slippers as visor likes to arrive around 8:30. Hair all over like he had had an electric shock! He said he was mortified. I was mortified as I had bras/knickers on my bed as had taken the washing up! He then got an extremely tearful/hysterical phonecall from me. I then checked policy. You can refuse them the right to go into certain rooms. So he has been told of suspicions are arojsed again, he is not allowed in my room or my other son's as we refuse that right without a warrant and we are entitled to do that according to policy!
He does have a certain intimidating way about him. Barrister told us to be careful of him as the week before he had been up against him in court applying for an automatic search warrant for one offender. It was refused.
I said what if you were in the shower? Not that that's likely. He's still a minging teen who I'm sure thinks he's allergic to water...
So tired I can't even be bothered correcting typos
He does have a certain intimidating way about him. Barrister told us to be careful of him as the week before he had been up against him in court applying for an automatic search warrant for one offender. It was refused.
I said what if you were in the shower? Not that that's likely. He's still a minging teen who I'm sure thinks he's allergic to water...
So tired I can't even be bothered correcting typos
Retiring in late 40s!!! I'm late 40s! Couldn't imagine retiring now.
Hopefully you're new one will be good! Fingers crossed and steel ready I imagine. One thing I've noticed is transparency isn't really wanted. You have to do your own research about your rights x
Hopefully you're new one will be good! Fingers crossed and steel ready I imagine. One thing I've noticed is transparency isn't really wanted. You have to do your own research about your rights x
I have fears about this too. My son has never lived by himself and has a lot to learn that's without restrictions that will be in place. He's dyslexic and has memory problems.
I've warned him they will be watching his every move. Told him (when the time comes) to buy a big diary to jot down where he's been, times etc, to cover himself.
I've a pal who has worked in prisons, she said there is a lot of good professionals out there that work hard to support men that are out of prison.
People love to tell a horror story, try not to let it get to you, in reality and looking on the bright side it could (hopefully) be a completely different story..... x
I've warned him they will be watching his every move. Told him (when the time comes) to buy a big diary to jot down where he's been, times etc, to cover himself.
I've a pal who has worked in prisons, she said there is a lot of good professionals out there that work hard to support men that are out of prison.
People love to tell a horror story, try not to let it get to you, in reality and looking on the bright side it could (hopefully) be a completely different story..... x
Thank you everyone for your replies. My OH says everyone in prison he’s spoken to so far says they’re not guilty, so definitely a biased view. I keep telling him he’s only hearing from people who have been recalled or haven’t been released yet, that apart from his offending he’s always respected rules. So as long as he gets a probation officer that’s decent and he is careful, he should be okay until the SHPO ends.
He has old kik and snapchat accounts that he can’t remember the usernames of. He was so worked up when I told him he needs to tell the police of all aliases he’s used, he was almost crying “but what if you just can’t remember all of them because your memory is so bad and then you get recalled because of your stupid f*****g memory” and I didn’t know how to console him. He's planning to have a dumb phone that can’t connect to the internet, his PC, a laptop, and his playstation as his devices.
Prison is so much worse than school, rumours and gossip flying around all the time. I will suggest he calls the prisoner advice service, I haven’t heard of that before!
I hope visor don't ask to check my devices too, I've already had my privacy invaded too much after they would have seen pictures and videos of me on his devices. And the thought of them looking through our bedroom when we eventually live together again upsets me. I know it's to protect the public but they really don't go to such lengths to monitor any other type of offenders! What if you're getting ready for work when visor turn up and it makes you late or you're both in the middle of doing something and because you didn't answer the door immediately they're suspicious! It's like they don't want you to live a life. What do they even do or say that means you have to be firm with them? I don't want them to walk all over us
He has old kik and snapchat accounts that he can’t remember the usernames of. He was so worked up when I told him he needs to tell the police of all aliases he’s used, he was almost crying “but what if you just can’t remember all of them because your memory is so bad and then you get recalled because of your stupid f*****g memory” and I didn’t know how to console him. He's planning to have a dumb phone that can’t connect to the internet, his PC, a laptop, and his playstation as his devices.
Prison is so much worse than school, rumours and gossip flying around all the time. I will suggest he calls the prisoner advice service, I haven’t heard of that before!
I hope visor don't ask to check my devices too, I've already had my privacy invaded too much after they would have seen pictures and videos of me on his devices. And the thought of them looking through our bedroom when we eventually live together again upsets me. I know it's to protect the public but they really don't go to such lengths to monitor any other type of offenders! What if you're getting ready for work when visor turn up and it makes you late or you're both in the middle of doing something and because you didn't answer the door immediately they're suspicious! It's like they don't want you to live a life. What do they even do or say that means you have to be firm with them? I don't want them to walk all over us