Family and Friends Forum

I thought I'd write out our whole story to let others know a comprehensive journey of our experiences. I hope it may help as I know all I wanted to do for the past year is read other people's stories. Myself and partner have no previous convictions and both held reputable jobs in the public sector.

April 2022 we had the knock. I was at home with my partner and our baby son. It was a huge shock to me. Arrested partner there and then, and left me and my son with the family liaison officers whilst they searched the whole house. He also had to move out of the family home immediately due to his bail conditions and SS.

He originally denied any knowledge but then saw the light and admitted guilt two weeks later. He volunteered another interview and admitted to getting wrapped up in a group chat on an app where images were being exchanged. He was talking to a 'women' online who suggested a group, he stupidly said ok! HE was part of the group chat for about two weeks. He said he didn't recall saving any/many but would've seen quite a few. (I do know the specific apps he used if you want to know you can message me).

By this point, social services were involved and were happy for me to supervise contact between my partner and our child. We agreed to a voluntary safety plan (lowest plan, not a CIN plan or similar). We did this in the family home, so other than him not officially living there or sleeping, he was there most of the time. I'm not sure why I was allowed this and some of you aren't, or some people are allowed to stay living together... Luck of the draw I guess. I know I was lucky.

Then we were in limbo for nearly 7m. His bail kept just getting extended and extended. We were always on bail though... Never RUI. I think because of his previous job, they needed to keep the bail restrictions in place.

We had to deal with neighbours finding out. My fault I think. Just know that once you've told someone, you cannot untell and word can travel FAST. Neighbours gave me a bit of a hard time but nothing I couldn't handle. I am now in the process of moving home just so I can start fresh. I will also note at this point that family support from my side was obviously lacking, but we had some good friends who stuck around.

In about November 2022 (7 months post knock) we got told devices had been searched and charges were being put forward to the CPS. All clean devices were handed back.


In January 2023, we received charges as follows - (1 extreme pornographic video from 5 years ago and 4 cat A IIOC images all downloaded on the same day from March 2022) - The video was historic and had evidence that my partner never asked for it and couldn't remember it and seemed to be dismissed by the judge.

In March 2023 we had a plea hearing at magistrates where he pleaded guilty. SS contacted me again to ask if I was still happy to stick to the voluntary safety plan and I agreed.

Early April 2023 the probation officer rang him to write their PSR which was very favourable and suggested a community based sentence. This was listened too.

In April 2023 we had our sentencing in crown court where he was sentenced to a community order of 2 years, 100 hours of unpaid work, 40hours of rehabilitation course (specifically not Horizons he said - not sure why) and 5 years on the SOR. He has a SHPO with internet only restrictions for the same length of time.

The judge was favourable to his remorce as he volunteered to go back to the station and admit guilt. He said he could see that since the arrest he had saught weekly councilling, completed the safer lives course and had started a new career which he was thriving. Don't think the judge read the two character statements but definitely had read and listened to the PSR.

For other women wondering about court. I didn't find it half as scary as I thought. I think because my partner had given me full access to the evidence report before and was honest with me all the way along, there were no nasty shocks that I know many women have to unfortunately face. Everyone who worked there was really friendly and me and him just waiting outside together and went in together and came out together really... I know I'm very lucky. How you ladies have done it when your partner doesn't come home with you is unimaginable.

So far there has been no media coverage but we have been lucky in a way that there are two big trails going on in our local area at the moment so it's all about those. Fingers still crossed though.

We plan to work with SS as much as possible and move to having him living back in the family home. With then a gradual work towards unsupervised contact.

There really is hope out there. I know I'm very lucky to have him back home with me. I do seriously believe (and so does the judge now so that's important too) that he had a few weeks of a serious lack of judgement. A blip. But we can come back from it. I honestly cannot believe I'm now writing on this forum at the near end of our journey and want to thank all of you for your amazing courage throughout the year. Those of you still waiting... This feeling at the end of relief of it all being over will come. I promise. I know lots of you probably aren't religious, but I found God throughout all this... And one quote I think we can all take away, religious or not is this...

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34.