One month since The Knock; I'm leaving.
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Yesterday marked one month since The Knock.
In a way I can't believe it's already been a month, as it's passed by in a blur, but at the same time April has felt like the longest month in the world. I've been trying to carry on as normal with work as best as I can, but this week it all just got too much. In the space of a week I've had two breakdowns where I've just burst into tears in front of colleagues, as pressure from work combined with my already struggling mental health all became too much. Subsequently I've now been signed off for a couple of weeks with stress and anxiety.
Meanwhile, my relationship with my BF has completely broken down. I have been going over this in my head 24/7, everyday for a month and with each passing day I'm struggling to find reasons to justify staying with him. I read stories on this forum of you incredibly brave, strong women who have stood by partners and husbands (with respect, I exclude sons from this comparison as I think the relationship between mother and son is different to a romantic partnership), and I am in so much admiration and support of you all who have stood firmly by your partners.
I am torn as ultimately I still love my boyfriend. I pride myself on being someone open-minded and I view his situation as a mental health condition at it's core, in addition to a crime and I have listened with compassion and without judgement to understand the reasons why. So I now feel like a massive coward for deciding to leave and it feels like I am abandoning him in his hour of need. But the relationship is no longer bringing me happiness and it can never been what it once was.
I have read posts on here describing the legal journey and battles with SS and the justice system, and in educating myself on the realities of the situation, I've decided a life potentially under such strict restrictions I don't choose to live with. This journey is long and hard and I am scared of what it will do to me to stay. If we were married, lived together or have children together then it could be different but I can't do it to myself to voluntarily stay in a relationship with no legal ties when this has happened less than a year in. My heart is broken but my mind is made up and with a heavy heart, I'm joining the ranks of the leavers.
If it's okay I would like to continue contributing to the forum as I am finding such solace from all of you who understand this dreadful situation and I hope you don't think too unkindly of me or judge me for making my decision.
I hope you're all having good bank holiday weekends. The sun is shining where I am and I hope it's shining where you are too. x
In a way I can't believe it's already been a month, as it's passed by in a blur, but at the same time April has felt like the longest month in the world. I've been trying to carry on as normal with work as best as I can, but this week it all just got too much. In the space of a week I've had two breakdowns where I've just burst into tears in front of colleagues, as pressure from work combined with my already struggling mental health all became too much. Subsequently I've now been signed off for a couple of weeks with stress and anxiety.
Meanwhile, my relationship with my BF has completely broken down. I have been going over this in my head 24/7, everyday for a month and with each passing day I'm struggling to find reasons to justify staying with him. I read stories on this forum of you incredibly brave, strong women who have stood by partners and husbands (with respect, I exclude sons from this comparison as I think the relationship between mother and son is different to a romantic partnership), and I am in so much admiration and support of you all who have stood firmly by your partners.
I am torn as ultimately I still love my boyfriend. I pride myself on being someone open-minded and I view his situation as a mental health condition at it's core, in addition to a crime and I have listened with compassion and without judgement to understand the reasons why. So I now feel like a massive coward for deciding to leave and it feels like I am abandoning him in his hour of need. But the relationship is no longer bringing me happiness and it can never been what it once was.
I have read posts on here describing the legal journey and battles with SS and the justice system, and in educating myself on the realities of the situation, I've decided a life potentially under such strict restrictions I don't choose to live with. This journey is long and hard and I am scared of what it will do to me to stay. If we were married, lived together or have children together then it could be different but I can't do it to myself to voluntarily stay in a relationship with no legal ties when this has happened less than a year in. My heart is broken but my mind is made up and with a heavy heart, I'm joining the ranks of the leavers.
If it's okay I would like to continue contributing to the forum as I am finding such solace from all of you who understand this dreadful situation and I hope you don't think too unkindly of me or judge me for making my decision.
I hope you're all having good bank holiday weekends. The sun is shining where I am and I hope it's shining where you are too. x
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Hi River,
NO one will judge you for doing wat is right for u, I'm a stay but there are plenty of times where I think have I don't the right thing, even more so as I've lost my career and I now won't shop or been seen in our town for fear of repercussions, this life is not easy at all, u deserve to be happy love xx
NO one will judge you for doing wat is right for u, I'm a stay but there are plenty of times where I think have I don't the right thing, even more so as I've lost my career and I now won't shop or been seen in our town for fear of repercussions, this life is not easy at all, u deserve to be happy love xx
Hi River,
Some time off work may be what you need right now. Don't be afraid to discuss therapy or anti anxiety medication. Staying or leaving is equally hard. Your decision needs to be one that feels right to you, that's all that matters. Your experiences and input are valid and will always be welcomed here just as much as before you made your decision. Sending love and strength xxx
Some time off work may be what you need right now. Don't be afraid to discuss therapy or anti anxiety medication. Staying or leaving is equally hard. Your decision needs to be one that feels right to you, that's all that matters. Your experiences and input are valid and will always be welcomed here just as much as before you made your decision. Sending love and strength xxx
Hi River - never think anyone will judge you. We all have a different story to tell with different circumstances that ended us up on this forum.
One thing I have learnt is not to judge others and have developed more compassion - a person may smile and appear 'happy' but what sadness do they hide - as my name 'smile through tears'.....
Many may not agree with my decisions, but I've got to a point I really don't care, I can sleep comfortable at night, you must do the same.
keep posting.....
One thing I have learnt is not to judge others and have developed more compassion - a person may smile and appear 'happy' but what sadness do they hide - as my name 'smile through tears'.....
Many may not agree with my decisions, but I've got to a point I really don't care, I can sleep comfortable at night, you must do the same.
keep posting.....
River
You have to do what's best for you, your the only one who can make the choice. I chose to stay but I would never judge those that have left.
Where already being judged by those that were friends/ family . So we all know how that feels.
Please continue contributing to the forum and take care of you.
Virtual hug x
You have to do what's best for you, your the only one who can make the choice. I chose to stay but I would never judge those that have left.
Where already being judged by those that were friends/ family . So we all know how that feels.
Please continue contributing to the forum and take care of you.
Virtual hug x
River, I actually think you're really brave and you're taking a decision that I don't think I would have been courageous enough to take were I to be in your position.
People wouldn't judge you for leaving an alcoholic or gambling addict and they have just as deleterious impact on a relationship. I was stayed with an alcoholic in my younger years just because I lacked the confidence to leave. This was a terrible relationship and I deeply regret staying in it.
X
x
People wouldn't judge you for leaving an alcoholic or gambling addict and they have just as deleterious impact on a relationship. I was stayed with an alcoholic in my younger years just because I lacked the confidence to leave. This was a terrible relationship and I deeply regret staying in it.
X
x
River
No one can ever judge you for the decision you have made, you truly are a very kind and sincere person, I hope with having some time away from work will allow you to find yourself again,
No matter how difficult your decision was never look back, we get one chance at life so live a life with happiness and keep been the kind and thoughtful person you are xx
Please keep on posting to let us know how you are xx
No one can ever judge you for the decision you have made, you truly are a very kind and sincere person, I hope with having some time away from work will allow you to find yourself again,
No matter how difficult your decision was never look back, we get one chance at life so live a life with happiness and keep been the kind and thoughtful person you are xx
Please keep on posting to let us know how you are xx
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River, you're amazing. You've clearly done your research, got all the information together before making your decision. That alone shows how much you love this man because you've thought it through and haven't made rash decisions.
Don't ever feel judged for leaving him. I've been so close to it at times and one thing I've learnt through this journey is that it is a rollercoaster.
I'm glad you have decided to stay on the forum. Your experience will help other people and because you are an open minded person, you 'get it' and understand how people are feeling. Whether we chose to stay or go, we all start off this journey with 'the knock' and its horrendous. The more support for others the better in my opinion.
Thinking of you and hope the time off work helps x x x
Don't ever feel judged for leaving him. I've been so close to it at times and one thing I've learnt through this journey is that it is a rollercoaster.
I'm glad you have decided to stay on the forum. Your experience will help other people and because you are an open minded person, you 'get it' and understand how people are feeling. Whether we chose to stay or go, we all start off this journey with 'the knock' and its horrendous. The more support for others the better in my opinion.
Thinking of you and hope the time off work helps x x x
Thank you all so much for your kindness and compassionate responses yet again. This place truly is full of the most understanding and compassionate people you'll ever find. Thank you for not judging my decision and for being wonderfully supportive. It really means a lot.
I've just got home after ending things with my boyfriend, so right now I am a teary, sad and crying mess but I will be okay.
Thank you all again, I can't tell you how much it means to have empathetic responses from you all xx
I've just got home after ending things with my boyfriend, so right now I am a teary, sad and crying mess but I will be okay.
Thank you all again, I can't tell you how much it means to have empathetic responses from you all xx
River
I am sorry you are feeling so upset, if you diddnt care it would not hurt as much, so as much as the pain, heartache, and tears are there its only natural you feel this way , it will take time to come back from this, but you will
Stay strong, you have got this xx
I am sorry you are feeling so upset, if you diddnt care it would not hurt as much, so as much as the pain, heartache, and tears are there its only natural you feel this way , it will take time to come back from this, but you will
Stay strong, you have got this xx
River I envy those of you in the early stages of a relationship who go through this, those with no commitment or children. I love my husband but I don't think I would have stayed in your position either. I am making choices for a family not just me as an individual.
You go and live your life to it fullest and best. Put this behind you and fly xxx
You go and live your life to it fullest and best. Put this behind you and fly xxx
River,
I'm so sorry that you're hurting right now. Cry all you need to and once you've processed what you can, go and make your life what you want it to be.
All of us here will carry this with us throughout our lives but how we carry it is completely individual. You have shown such great strength of character in your posts and I believe that your experience will enable you to find some strengths that you didn't know you had xxx
I'm so sorry that you're hurting right now. Cry all you need to and once you've processed what you can, go and make your life what you want it to be.
All of us here will carry this with us throughout our lives but how we carry it is completely individual. You have shown such great strength of character in your posts and I believe that your experience will enable you to find some strengths that you didn't know you had xxx