Uncomfortable with unsupervised contact
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I’m not sure how to phrase this, so sorry in advance if this is unclear.
To provide some context my now ex-husband and father of my children was arrested, charged, convicted and sentenced for possessing, making and distributing iioc. This was not his first conviction the other happened long before we got together and I knew about it quite close to the beginning of our relationship. However due to some extreme extenuating circumstances I chose to stay with him, believing that everything was firmly behind him. Fast forward 10 years and he has done it again and has torn our family apart, as well as 10 years together, 7 years of marriage and two children. My sympathy has gone and I am fuming that he has received such a light sentence.(100 hours community service, 3 years SHPO and 5 years SOR).
However I am far more concerned about the behaviours that went around it which appear to be legal, namely, setting up an account as an 18 year old and then writing fantasies about having sex with his children (though they are dramatically different in age to the children that we have together). He also used photos of his best friend’s children as part of these fantasies and claimed he had had sexually abused them. All of this is apparently legal but, in my view, are far more concerning than the illegal behaviours for which he was convicted and sentenced. Now the SHPO has no restrictions on his contact with minors but for obvious reasons I do not want him alone with our kids. CS are with me on this but how much power do they have to support me when he has parental responsibility too and the SHPO has no physical contact restrictions
Any advice or experience on this would be greatly appreciated!
To provide some context my now ex-husband and father of my children was arrested, charged, convicted and sentenced for possessing, making and distributing iioc. This was not his first conviction the other happened long before we got together and I knew about it quite close to the beginning of our relationship. However due to some extreme extenuating circumstances I chose to stay with him, believing that everything was firmly behind him. Fast forward 10 years and he has done it again and has torn our family apart, as well as 10 years together, 7 years of marriage and two children. My sympathy has gone and I am fuming that he has received such a light sentence.(100 hours community service, 3 years SHPO and 5 years SOR).
However I am far more concerned about the behaviours that went around it which appear to be legal, namely, setting up an account as an 18 year old and then writing fantasies about having sex with his children (though they are dramatically different in age to the children that we have together). He also used photos of his best friend’s children as part of these fantasies and claimed he had had sexually abused them. All of this is apparently legal but, in my view, are far more concerning than the illegal behaviours for which he was convicted and sentenced. Now the SHPO has no restrictions on his contact with minors but for obvious reasons I do not want him alone with our kids. CS are with me on this but how much power do they have to support me when he has parental responsibility too and the SHPO has no physical contact restrictions
Any advice or experience on this would be greatly appreciated!
If you refuse access unless supervised he might try and go to the family courts to order you to allow access (as with any access disputes). They would assess what is in the best interests of your children. I would suggest the court social workers and judge would agree with you that unsupervised access of young children (even if not an offence under the SHPO) is not in their best interests unless there have been a great many positive risk assessments done and safeguarding put in place.
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Hi,
I'm so sorry that you find yourself here. The things you have described in your post are not legal, I think it would constitute publishing an obscene article and should have been taken into account at sentencing. Sentences handed out by judges vary greatly as there are guidelines but ultimately it's the judges decision.
In terms of contact you have a few options, if you have somebody that you trust to supervise then you can ask them if they're willing and ask ss to do an assessment and agree to supervised contact by that person. Contact centres are usually funded by the parent who does not have custody so this may be an option for you. Also you could go through family court to agree on supervised contact or indeed get no contact agreed by the court depending on the ages of your children and their wishes if taken into account (I don't know what age they will deem them old enough to decide if they want contact). In these circumstances having parental responsibility does not automatically equate to unsupervised contact with their children. If ss agree that unsupervised is not what they would recommend then the courts will take this into account too. Sending love and strength xxx
I'm so sorry that you find yourself here. The things you have described in your post are not legal, I think it would constitute publishing an obscene article and should have been taken into account at sentencing. Sentences handed out by judges vary greatly as there are guidelines but ultimately it's the judges decision.
In terms of contact you have a few options, if you have somebody that you trust to supervise then you can ask them if they're willing and ask ss to do an assessment and agree to supervised contact by that person. Contact centres are usually funded by the parent who does not have custody so this may be an option for you. Also you could go through family court to agree on supervised contact or indeed get no contact agreed by the court depending on the ages of your children and their wishes if taken into account (I don't know what age they will deem them old enough to decide if they want contact). In these circumstances having parental responsibility does not automatically equate to unsupervised contact with their children. If ss agree that unsupervised is not what they would recommend then the courts will take this into account too. Sending love and strength xxx