Risks of future stress
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Please help
I need some advice
So my ex got really drunk and told our mate about my brother. I was in the same house only one mate. He was saying he doesn't have to protect him anymore and all this horrible drunk words.
He knows what I have been through, I don't feel like I have a brother anymore, I feel estranged and family stuff is stressful. We spoke the other week and I was reassured that he would never speak of this in the future to anyone as he knows the damage it could do to me.
I feel my future life I will be living in fear of him getting drunk and rumours going round. I know part of it me being irrational as he needs a friend to speak to.
I need some advice
So my ex got really drunk and told our mate about my brother. I was in the same house only one mate. He was saying he doesn't have to protect him anymore and all this horrible drunk words.
He knows what I have been through, I don't feel like I have a brother anymore, I feel estranged and family stuff is stressful. We spoke the other week and I was reassured that he would never speak of this in the future to anyone as he knows the damage it could do to me.
I feel my future life I will be living in fear of him getting drunk and rumours going round. I know part of it me being irrational as he needs a friend to speak to.
How I hate alchol at times, great for relaxing but it loosens the tounge and gets you into all sorts of trouble........, I understand your unease completely - me being married to one that oversteps the mark when drinking. Also understand the stresses of coping with family situations - our predicament is horrible too.
Dont live your life in fear, the horrible things said quite often are forgot in the haze of being drunk. Just emphasise keeping this quiet is important for your safety and could have long standing consequences. Hopefully it won't happen again.
Dont live your life in fear, the horrible things said quite often are forgot in the haze of being drunk. Just emphasise keeping this quiet is important for your safety and could have long standing consequences. Hopefully it won't happen again.
I totally agree with what Smile through tears has said - I know how careless people can be after a few drinks, but in any case he should understand that although he feels no loyalty to your brother, it's you who he's hurting here and it's one extra burden for you to carry in these awful circumstances. So in a way he's on the same side as your brother in terms of adding to your feelings and stress. What's your mate like, the one your ex told about your brother? Could you have a quiet word with him/her? You might find an ally there or at the very least some reassurance that it will go no further.
I realise that I'm trying to be helpful here and that fear of exposure and judgement is very real for all of us and my words won't really help so please know that we've heard you here and I'm sending a big hug xx
I realise that I'm trying to be helpful here and that fear of exposure and judgement is very real for all of us and my words won't really help so please know that we've heard you here and I'm sending a big hug xx
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This is my worry. I have had to tell some family members which I somewhat trust but one in particular hates holding onto secrets. I have to ask her to keep it from the rest of the family and I know this is hard for them because they feel like betraying their close family.
I dread the day I might have to tell others, especially if they start a family. I feel the more distant they are as a family or friend theess loyal they will be to keep it to themselves. I will have to beg them not say anything for the sake of my safety. There are people who I know are gossips and would thrive on the drama.
I too have been bad at keeping secrets in the past and I have regrets Nd I can't take it back. So I feel like it will be hard to ask for descretion when I haven't done it in the last. But I would argue the stuff I have shared is not on the scale of iioc disclosure.
I would be at risk of physical harm, damage to my property, if it got through to work I would feel I need to quit. It would be a much bigger impact than just simply hurt feelings.
I dread the day I might have to tell others, especially if they start a family. I feel the more distant they are as a family or friend theess loyal they will be to keep it to themselves. I will have to beg them not say anything for the sake of my safety. There are people who I know are gossips and would thrive on the drama.
I too have been bad at keeping secrets in the past and I have regrets Nd I can't take it back. So I feel like it will be hard to ask for descretion when I haven't done it in the last. But I would argue the stuff I have shared is not on the scale of iioc disclosure.
I would be at risk of physical harm, damage to my property, if it got through to work I would feel I need to quit. It would be a much bigger impact than just simply hurt feelings.
What do you mean risk of your property and stuff? What relation are you to the offender?
My sister says I am not to worry for if people do know it's not me whose done the crime, they wouldn't judge me and people have their own lives and problems to worry about others. I don't know how she deals with it! But I am more the side of people love a gossip......for now though I've accepted I've no control over other peoples actions and if he did get drunk and tell someone it will probably only look like he is venting and trying to hurt me and nothing got in the media it's not the kind of thing most would look more into is it?
I think he is using it more as a way to hurt me like he says I have skeletons in my closet but he does agree he wont tell others, apparantly he told this friend a while back but didn't tell me as he needed some support for himself. I just have to accept this was done in anger.
My sister says I am not to worry for if people do know it's not me whose done the crime, they wouldn't judge me and people have their own lives and problems to worry about others. I don't know how she deals with it! But I am more the side of people love a gossip......for now though I've accepted I've no control over other peoples actions and if he did get drunk and tell someone it will probably only look like he is venting and trying to hurt me and nothing got in the media it's not the kind of thing most would look more into is it?
I think he is using it more as a way to hurt me like he says I have skeletons in my closet but he does agree he wont tell others, apparantly he told this friend a while back but didn't tell me as he needed some support for himself. I just have to accept this was done in anger.