Just landed in the life after
Notifications OFF
Just over a week ago I got the Knock. I didn't even know what The Knock meant until then.
I have never been so afraid as when police searched my home and took away my husband. I was convinced of his innocence, until I collected him from custody and he confessed to viewing/possessing images (sorry I don't know the acronym yet).
Ever since that moment my world broke. I held him and said, don't worry I believe you, you've done nothing wrong, and he replied "but I have done". I couldn't believe it. He told me the basics, that it has been going on since he was a teenager, before we met. That he has done it in our house, maybe whilst I was home, using an email address with my name in it as well as his.
I feel utterly broken. I have been hiding at my mum's house, who also feels awful. Did I mention that The Knock came on the one year anniversary of my dad's death? Yep.
I know I can't know more until the police review his devices, but I already feel like my marriage is destroyed. 12 years together, 2 married, I have never been an adult without him. Now the entire time he lied to me and betrayed me, putting me at risk of the police, and viewing filth in my home.
I just needed to vent so thanks for reading. I have found a therapist but I feel so isolated. Thanks for sharing your stories of survival as I really need those right now
I have never been so afraid as when police searched my home and took away my husband. I was convinced of his innocence, until I collected him from custody and he confessed to viewing/possessing images (sorry I don't know the acronym yet).
Ever since that moment my world broke. I held him and said, don't worry I believe you, you've done nothing wrong, and he replied "but I have done". I couldn't believe it. He told me the basics, that it has been going on since he was a teenager, before we met. That he has done it in our house, maybe whilst I was home, using an email address with my name in it as well as his.
I feel utterly broken. I have been hiding at my mum's house, who also feels awful. Did I mention that The Knock came on the one year anniversary of my dad's death? Yep.
I know I can't know more until the police review his devices, but I already feel like my marriage is destroyed. 12 years together, 2 married, I have never been an adult without him. Now the entire time he lied to me and betrayed me, putting me at risk of the police, and viewing filth in my home.
I just needed to vent so thanks for reading. I have found a therapist but I feel so isolated. Thanks for sharing your stories of survival as I really need those right now
Oh LifeAfter, I'm so sorry you've found yourself here, in this horrible secret club that no one asked to join. I've also recently joined Club Knock. I'm only a tiny bit further along than you - I had The Knock 5 weeks ago and I won't lie, it's still not great but I imagine right now you're still in shock and the shock does ease a little bit week by week, day by day.
These first few weeks will be horrendous. Others on here further along in the journey I'm sure will be more helpful with providing guidance and a better idea of what the ongoing journey can look like, but I just wanted to reach out as someone who's also very recently been thrown into the tornado and let you know you're not alone in how you're feeling.
I know it's easier said than done, but please be kind to yourself in these early days. You have done nothing wrong. Keep reminding yourself of that. Also there's no need to jump or rush into any decisions. Take each day as it comes.
Feel free to DM me if you want to chat further. This forum has already proved a Godsend for me. The ladies on here are all incredible and we all know what you're going through and how heartbreaking and horrible this feels right now. Xx
These first few weeks will be horrendous. Others on here further along in the journey I'm sure will be more helpful with providing guidance and a better idea of what the ongoing journey can look like, but I just wanted to reach out as someone who's also very recently been thrown into the tornado and let you know you're not alone in how you're feeling.
I know it's easier said than done, but please be kind to yourself in these early days. You have done nothing wrong. Keep reminding yourself of that. Also there's no need to jump or rush into any decisions. Take each day as it comes.
Feel free to DM me if you want to chat further. This forum has already proved a Godsend for me. The ladies on here are all incredible and we all know what you're going through and how heartbreaking and horrible this feels right now. Xx
Please listen to Lee's podcasts. You are not alone my lovely.
I'm so sorry , I too only joined this awful journey in November , after 30 years of marriage and no idea what he was doing ....it really helps reading through all these messages , makes yiu feel you're not alone , sending you strength xx
LifeAfter very similar story to me - same length of relationship, same length if time offending, altho I'm longer married to my person and we have a young child
The shock is terrible but my person, I've realised, is still the same person I have always loved, still the good person who has done many wonderful things for his family and community. Sadly he's got aucked into something terrible as a teenager and the pain it's caused him is probably even greater than the pain it's caused me.
Take care of yourself through these first few weeks. I'm a few months in and it's more bearable now
The shock is terrible but my person, I've realised, is still the same person I have always loved, still the good person who has done many wonderful things for his family and community. Sadly he's got aucked into something terrible as a teenager and the pain it's caused him is probably even greater than the pain it's caused me.
Take care of yourself through these first few weeks. I'm a few months in and it's more bearable now
Hi life after,
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and how you are feeling is completely normal. It's a situation that nobody ever expects to be in and there is nothing that can prepare you for.
In these early days, eat and sleep when you can. It's great that you have already found a therapist, I hope that it helps you.
Although you've said that you feel like your marriage is over, I'd advise you to avoid making any decisions just now. As someone who made the decision to end the relationship and have actually discovered that it's not what I want. Take each day as it comes, it can be a long process. As your husband has admitted it there are things he can do to address his behaviour. He can call the helpline if he hasn't already and he can work through the online modules too. Keep reaching out on here and when you're both able to open up the communication between you, it may be painful but it is necessary even if you choose to leave. Love and strength to you xxx
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and how you are feeling is completely normal. It's a situation that nobody ever expects to be in and there is nothing that can prepare you for.
In these early days, eat and sleep when you can. It's great that you have already found a therapist, I hope that it helps you.
Although you've said that you feel like your marriage is over, I'd advise you to avoid making any decisions just now. As someone who made the decision to end the relationship and have actually discovered that it's not what I want. Take each day as it comes, it can be a long process. As your husband has admitted it there are things he can do to address his behaviour. He can call the helpline if he hasn't already and he can work through the online modules too. Keep reaching out on here and when you're both able to open up the communication between you, it may be painful but it is necessary even if you choose to leave. Love and strength to you xxx
I'm so sorry you've found yourself here but trust me when I say you are not alone. There are some incredible people here that will help you along the way.
I can't emphasise enough the importance of self care. It has taken me months to actually do this but it really helps.
Remember this is a trauma, don't make any big decisions immediately. Take some time to think it through, be at total peace with any decision before you make it.
I can't emphasise enough the importance of self care. It has taken me months to actually do this but it really helps.
Remember this is a trauma, don't make any big decisions immediately. Take some time to think it through, be at total peace with any decision before you make it.
Thank you all for the support. Another week and slowly settling but still feel so strange.
Some days I'm so angry at him and some days I cry just because I know how much pain he is in right now. Although my life is ripped apart his is so much worse.
All the stories here help. My mum is so set on me leaving him it's really difficult to navigate as she just keeps talking about it like I've already left him. I know she's protecting me just really hard as I can't imagine a life without him. Really helps seeing people who have gone down each path.
Some days I'm so angry at him and some days I cry just because I know how much pain he is in right now. Although my life is ripped apart his is so much worse.
All the stories here help. My mum is so set on me leaving him it's really difficult to navigate as she just keeps talking about it like I've already left him. I know she's protecting me just really hard as I can't imagine a life without him. Really helps seeing people who have gone down each path.