Punished for staying
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I don't know why I'm writing it on here, maybe to let's others know none of us are alone. Most of you will understand.
Why are we the ones punished for something we didn't do or know about. People keep secrets all the time . I knew my husband was addicted to porn, but I was just thinking it was basic porn (nothing basic about porn but I don't have the words ) we had many rows has I hated it. If only I knew how bad it got, but I can't change the past.So I have lost all my siblings these were my brothers and sisters and its hurting deeply.I have had so many memories with them. When it came out not one of them got in touch to ask me how I was nothing. This weekend they had partys together and organizing weddings. I was not invited . It hurts deeply and I now know, I'm now an only child and have to get myself thought this. I will because this has made me stronger than I could of ever been.
I also have my children and little people in my life, who are my rocks, they are the ones that matter.
To all those hurting because of friends and family your not alone and many times were have moments like this and it's ok to cry and cry, but we must take time out for us.
Virtual hugs to all
xXx
Why are we the ones punished for something we didn't do or know about. People keep secrets all the time . I knew my husband was addicted to porn, but I was just thinking it was basic porn (nothing basic about porn but I don't have the words ) we had many rows has I hated it. If only I knew how bad it got, but I can't change the past.So I have lost all my siblings these were my brothers and sisters and its hurting deeply.I have had so many memories with them. When it came out not one of them got in touch to ask me how I was nothing. This weekend they had partys together and organizing weddings. I was not invited . It hurts deeply and I now know, I'm now an only child and have to get myself thought this. I will because this has made me stronger than I could of ever been.
I also have my children and little people in my life, who are my rocks, they are the ones that matter.
To all those hurting because of friends and family your not alone and many times were have moments like this and it's ok to cry and cry, but we must take time out for us.
Virtual hugs to all
xXx
Sending hugs, we are family on here so even if your actual family disagrees or even shuts you out, you always have us xx
Morning Anne20
I really do feel for you so just wanted to let you know you have all of us by your side xx
We cannot control what others choose to do no matter how unfair it is and you say we are being punished for something we have not done, BUT don't let this bring you down, you are incredibly strong xx
I really do feel for you so just wanted to let you know you have all of us by your side xx
We cannot control what others choose to do no matter how unfair it is and you say we are being punished for something we have not done, BUT don't let this bring you down, you are incredibly strong xx
Hi Anne,
I'm so sorry you're going through this, I've also had one of my best friend's turn their back on me throughout all this so I just wanted to let you know you're not alone and I understand what you're going through. It feels incredibly cruel and isolating and horrible. I know how that feels. Keep reaching out to the forum, we're a safe space here and you're not alone. x
I'm so sorry you're going through this, I've also had one of my best friend's turn their back on me throughout all this so I just wanted to let you know you're not alone and I understand what you're going through. It feels incredibly cruel and isolating and horrible. I know how that feels. Keep reaching out to the forum, we're a safe space here and you're not alone. x
Anne, my sister turned her back on me when she found out (thanks to the press) about my son, she made it all about her, has been really horrible, and its especially painful as I have always been there for her in the past. I know if it had been the other way round I could never have abandoned her. she thinks I should'nt have stood by my son, but what else can I do. Its an added pain on top of everything else we go through.
Dragonmama and upset mum
Thank you both for your words of comfort.
River I'm so sorry about your friend it's so unfair when they don't support, especially when you need someone to just listen.Thank you for your kind words.
Saphire7 I'm really sorry you have lost your sister when you needed her support more then ever. It really is deeply hurtful, he is your son and a Mother's love is unconditional. Sending you a virtual hug.
xXx
Thank you both for your words of comfort.
River I'm so sorry about your friend it's so unfair when they don't support, especially when you need someone to just listen.Thank you for your kind words.
Saphire7 I'm really sorry you have lost your sister when you needed her support more then ever. It really is deeply hurtful, he is your son and a Mother's love is unconditional. Sending you a virtual hug.
xXx
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Bitterbean,
I'd be really interested in trying to understand this as well and if we can raise awareness or help people to understand that would be even better but I fear we'd be fighting a losing battle. To a certain extent I can understand wanting to limit contact and distance oneself from an offender, but it's almost like we as the family members and partners of offenders as automatically seen as guilty by association even though we've done nothing wrong. But by continuing to support them it's like we're also tainted and automatically seen as social pariahs too. It makes me so sad and it just adds even more pain to an already painful situation. X
I'd be really interested in trying to understand this as well and if we can raise awareness or help people to understand that would be even better but I fear we'd be fighting a losing battle. To a certain extent I can understand wanting to limit contact and distance oneself from an offender, but it's almost like we as the family members and partners of offenders as automatically seen as guilty by association even though we've done nothing wrong. But by continuing to support them it's like we're also tainted and automatically seen as social pariahs too. It makes me so sad and it just adds even more pain to an already painful situation. X
I too chose my adult children and grandchild. My family would never accept this crime and if I'd stayed they would have thought that I condoned it. I think in time they would have continued a relationship with me but it would never have been the same. They would never have come to my home. I totally understand their feelings and in their position I'd have felt the same. I'm lucky cos I've not experienced any nastiness towards me. It must be very hard for you both.
My family is being "supportive" because I left. They are judgemental and horrible and I think that cutting them out would be better than listening to their version of support. I'm just so tired and feel so alone, I don't know if I can cut more people out even if they aren't helpful.
Believe
I am so sorry xx
Please reach out to us all we are here for you xx
I am so sorry xx
Please reach out to us all we are here for you xx
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Anne20. I know how lucky and grateful my person and I are to have the support of my family but after a tough night/ morning Thank You so much for this post today . You wouldn't believe how much I needed to see this . Love and hugs to you and all you amazing ladies x
There is so much ignorance surrounding these offences I feel it often provokes an emotional rather than logical reaction. Before finding myself on this journey I would have reacted completely differently to how I would now. I hope in time opinion will change but have to accept that some will never change their views; much the same as some will remain homophobic & racist. Only my daughter, Mum , Uncle and Manager know the truth about our situation. I refuse to risk relationships by sharing with anyone else as my life and decisions are mine and not justifiable to anyone. My cousin and aunt were becoming more and more concerned about my avoidance of them. As I've struggled with depression in waves it was causing my aunt distress and worry. After 4 months I lied and told them my husband was in prison for ABH. They were fine with that. Strange isn't it that violence is excepted but making one mistake in an imaginary scenario from a lead conversation wouldn't be.
My forum family have been and will always remain those that I can be open with and offer support to as they are the only ones that truly understand.
You too are never alone and never will be.
My forum family have been and will always remain those that I can be open with and offer support to as they are the only ones that truly understand.
You too are never alone and never will be.
Society as a whole is extremely hypocritical.
As a child, I went thru this. Sexual abuse, and when I spoke, no one was on my side. No one. They all defended their dad, their brother, their uncle, their husband. My abuser.
So I bet if one of those children in the people's life were to tell them that their husband/father/uncle did something, more often than not they'll do nothing either. They'll keep it under the wraps and just try for the kids to not be near them much. You don't want the Social and the Police around don't you? That's for scummy people only, not us!
*But* you bet in public they'll be decrying for others to be hanged.
So, live your life how you want to live it. There's only one at the end of the day. Up to them if they want to be in it or not.
As a child, I went thru this. Sexual abuse, and when I spoke, no one was on my side. No one. They all defended their dad, their brother, their uncle, their husband. My abuser.
So I bet if one of those children in the people's life were to tell them that their husband/father/uncle did something, more often than not they'll do nothing either. They'll keep it under the wraps and just try for the kids to not be near them much. You don't want the Social and the Police around don't you? That's for scummy people only, not us!
*But* you bet in public they'll be decrying for others to be hanged.
So, live your life how you want to live it. There's only one at the end of the day. Up to them if they want to be in it or not.
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Hi Anne, thanks so much for your message.
It happened between the ages of 6 to 10-11. I reported to my mother who took me to a psychiatrist to deal with my "lies". I kept standing my ground for all these sessions, once or twice a month. And every time after these horrible sessions, the abuse would get worse and worse so one day I broke and said that yes, I was lying. I just wanted to be left alone.
My mum would still leave him to take care of me, so my grandma, bless her, would come over and stay with me. She was the only one that believed me.
I was about to re-open the case, but just two weeks after I had the knock. Now I'm scared that if I do, then my husband's offence will come to light as well and I don't want to inflict yet more trauma on myself and now my kids. I know my mother and sister will fight for my stepfather, I mean absolutely nothing to those people.
Which is why my husband's offence was beyond gut wrenching, and as much as I see changes and I support him, this marriage can not continue.
Anyway, sorry for hacking your thread. Point is, be with those who love you and understand you. I'm sorry your family has turned away from you, but their judgement is nothing on your character and worth.
Big hugs x
It happened between the ages of 6 to 10-11. I reported to my mother who took me to a psychiatrist to deal with my "lies". I kept standing my ground for all these sessions, once or twice a month. And every time after these horrible sessions, the abuse would get worse and worse so one day I broke and said that yes, I was lying. I just wanted to be left alone.
My mum would still leave him to take care of me, so my grandma, bless her, would come over and stay with me. She was the only one that believed me.
I was about to re-open the case, but just two weeks after I had the knock. Now I'm scared that if I do, then my husband's offence will come to light as well and I don't want to inflict yet more trauma on myself and now my kids. I know my mother and sister will fight for my stepfather, I mean absolutely nothing to those people.
Which is why my husband's offence was beyond gut wrenching, and as much as I see changes and I support him, this marriage can not continue.
Anyway, sorry for hacking your thread. Point is, be with those who love you and understand you. I'm sorry your family has turned away from you, but their judgement is nothing on your character and worth.
Big hugs x