Controlling ex
Notifications OFF
I'm really struggling with my OH. It has been three months since the knock and as time goes on I feel my husband still has no real awareness of the devastation he has caused me. I have started divorce proceedings as the underage image viewing and forums were the last straw in our relationship. I found out a few years ago he shared images of me online and was on other porn fantasy forums. I sent him for therapy and he stopped going. I should have left then as it was traumatising for me to know images of me like that were online. I also think he set up fake email accounts to email me pretending to be men who wanted to meet me. After the knock I told him it was over and he agreed to make the divorce easy for me after the knock trauma. Now he keeps telling me it's a mental health illness and I should be supporting him. He is stalling on the divorce and sending me constant emails about all the reasons I should be grateful for him. I don't feel he is mentally ill but just a vile person. Unfortunately we share a son so he uses the supervised access time to emotional manipulate me too (continuing to call me sweetheart, asking for kisses etc in front of my son). Any tips on how to manage him? I am so anxious and depressed as feel I will never be free of him.
Anxious mummy, good advice there from Lee. I am not surprised you are concerned, it sounds like he is trying to absolve himself of responsibility for his actions and a red flag for me would be the fact that he has circulated images of you without your knowledge or consent. That is not something a loving and caring partner would do. Put yourself first.
Anxious, you sound so strong and like you are doing an amazing job. You've had some great advise.
With regards to him suffering from a mental illness, that may or may not be the case. However, even if he is, it is not an excuse for bad behaviour. I am a student mental health nurse and see in placement the tole that mental illness can have on families and carers. Don't let him guilt you about that. You must do what is best for you and your son. x
With regards to him suffering from a mental illness, that may or may not be the case. However, even if he is, it is not an excuse for bad behaviour. I am a student mental health nurse and see in placement the tole that mental illness can have on families and carers. Don't let him guilt you about that. You must do what is best for you and your son. x
Thanks everyone x
If he has circulated images of you without your consent, can't you report him to the police? I would
Yes, he circulated without my consent 4 years ago and was on forums talking about wife swapping (which I would never do). It was hideous and I only worked it out when I googled a weird email address I'd seen him use. I only stayed for my son and never loved him after that. This is why I find it even worse that he won't let me go and seems to have a warped idea I'm better off with him. He seems to find an excuse for all his bad behaviours. I haven't reported to police as assume they will find on forensics anyway. I never want my son to find out about it. The underage images are bad enough without him knowing that about his mother.
That sounds very difficult, sympathies to you. As a practical step could you talk to social services and say you're not comfortable supervising contact because of the way he's behaving. They could get other family members to supervise, or SS might supervise in a contact centre. I wasn't allowed to supervise initially anyway.