Anger rant
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I need to rant. Is now been six weeks since the knock and ive told him to move out. He was completely honest from the get go but i just cant cope with him any more. I asked him the other day if there was anything else he needed to tell me like cheating or addiction etc. Guess what he said...
He has women throwing themselves at him all the time and trying to give him their numbers (which i dont doubt) but hes never once taken them up on it and i should trust him and its upset him i dont. Oh and hed be better off living on his own.
How dare he!! I flipped. Im not going to lie. I was livid and still am.
Trust him?! What an absolute joke!! After all the shit he has put me through these past few weeks he expects me to trust him and believe everything he says!! What the actual F!!! His current track record isnt the best really is it!
And then to day hes better off being single!! Well crack on then mate. He has been all "woe is me" instead of being proactive about the situation. Ive been nothing but supportive, organising councilling and a brilliant solicitor and getting him books and booking him on to courses and hes just trown everything in my face!
He seems to get everyones sympathy and all the support in the world and ive been left to pick up my tattered life! He gets to carry on with his job and ive had to go through all the sordid details with my boss because i work with kids and i may lose my job. I could end up with no job, no house and social services on my back for the next 16 years and he dares say to me that im out of order!!
I get that he needs help but so do I. He has ruined mine and our kids lives and im just getting more and more angry and upset about it. I cant even stand to look at his face at the moment.
The only people i can talk to is you guys and i just dont know what to do anymore
He has women throwing themselves at him all the time and trying to give him their numbers (which i dont doubt) but hes never once taken them up on it and i should trust him and its upset him i dont. Oh and hed be better off living on his own.
How dare he!! I flipped. Im not going to lie. I was livid and still am.
Trust him?! What an absolute joke!! After all the shit he has put me through these past few weeks he expects me to trust him and believe everything he says!! What the actual F!!! His current track record isnt the best really is it!
And then to day hes better off being single!! Well crack on then mate. He has been all "woe is me" instead of being proactive about the situation. Ive been nothing but supportive, organising councilling and a brilliant solicitor and getting him books and booking him on to courses and hes just trown everything in my face!
He seems to get everyones sympathy and all the support in the world and ive been left to pick up my tattered life! He gets to carry on with his job and ive had to go through all the sordid details with my boss because i work with kids and i may lose my job. I could end up with no job, no house and social services on my back for the next 16 years and he dares say to me that im out of order!!
I get that he needs help but so do I. He has ruined mine and our kids lives and im just getting more and more angry and upset about it. I cant even stand to look at his face at the moment.
The only people i can talk to is you guys and i just dont know what to do anymore
I'm so sorry you're going through this, why us. I'm beginning to think that the anger is totally normal. Some days I'm upset, but some days the rage is just so consuming.
Trust is a huge thing - it takes years to build and literally seconds to shatter. I've not made a firm decision one way or the other regarding whether I'll stay or leave - it partly depends on what comes out "in the wash" so to speak. He's adamant he's told me everything I need to know now, so we'll see. Our wedding is booked for next year, but I need to cancel it (which is going to be a task in itself...) and I've said that even if we stay together, we'll be starting fresh - he needs to rebuild the trust as it's totally gone now. I see him on his phone and can't help but ask him what he's doing!
Don't beat yourself up for feeling how you feel - feelings are so personal and I think anger is natural in this situation. We're all in a situation that has come about through no fault of our own and that in itself is very anger-inducing.
xx
Trust is a huge thing - it takes years to build and literally seconds to shatter. I've not made a firm decision one way or the other regarding whether I'll stay or leave - it partly depends on what comes out "in the wash" so to speak. He's adamant he's told me everything I need to know now, so we'll see. Our wedding is booked for next year, but I need to cancel it (which is going to be a task in itself...) and I've said that even if we stay together, we'll be starting fresh - he needs to rebuild the trust as it's totally gone now. I see him on his phone and can't help but ask him what he's doing!
Don't beat yourself up for feeling how you feel - feelings are so personal and I think anger is natural in this situation. We're all in a situation that has come about through no fault of our own and that in itself is very anger-inducing.
xx
I hate being suck in limbo with no light at the end of the tunnel. All i seem to be doing is festering and trying to figure out what his sentence is likely to be and what hes going to be charged with and what SS are going to do after this whole thing goes to court and how im going to be able to afford all the bills on my own. This isnt how i thought my life would turn out. Single mum to 5 kids on the dole with a sex offender as an ex. What sort of example is that to the kids? I feel like im being punished for something he has done which i have no control over and everyone is making decisions for me.
Its the social who scare me the most. I dont want my kids on a child protection order! I dont want to jump through hoops and have the stares from the childrens teachers and being made to feel like a failure. Ive done nothing wrong!!
I dont even know if i can cope if all of this goes in the papers and all over social media which it probably will.
I fell like my whole life has imploded and i cant see a way through
Its the social who scare me the most. I dont want my kids on a child protection order! I dont want to jump through hoops and have the stares from the childrens teachers and being made to feel like a failure. Ive done nothing wrong!!
I dont even know if i can cope if all of this goes in the papers and all over social media which it probably will.
I fell like my whole life has imploded and i cant see a way through
Hi whyus. There are some things in your post that I can totally identify with. My husband doesn’t really understand why the trust has disappeared and that it can’t just come back overnight. Since the knock it’s been heartbreaking how many other things have come out that he was doing behind my back...the trust can’t ever return. I’ll never really know what he’s up to. He said to me the other day ‘I think i’ve learnt my lesson now don’t you?’ but frankly I don’t as he’s spent the last 10 years of a 25 year relationship lying through his teeth to me, other family members & most other people he knows.
Also, the victim mentality gets to the stage when it’s completely inappropriate. Of course he’s in an awful situation but it would be nice if he would occasionally recognise that he’s put me in one too. He’s up and down like a merry go round with his emotions which is fair enough because anyone would be in his situation but there’s no consideration that anyone else might need help/support. I was really low on Monday & he came round saying some v emotional things & that it was my job to support him when he was having a bad day...he couldn’t acknowledge he wasn’t the only one having a bad day because of this. Now I think back through the years, he’s always played the victim card and I always pandered to it and put his victim ideas above what I wanted or felt.
Completely in the same boat as someone who can’t believe they are probably going to become a single mum & who currently works with children. All I can say is that so far my job is safe as my line manager has been amazing about all of this. He’s leaving though & I’m getting a new person in September who might not be so understanding...I’m really scared.
Also, the victim mentality gets to the stage when it’s completely inappropriate. Of course he’s in an awful situation but it would be nice if he would occasionally recognise that he’s put me in one too. He’s up and down like a merry go round with his emotions which is fair enough because anyone would be in his situation but there’s no consideration that anyone else might need help/support. I was really low on Monday & he came round saying some v emotional things & that it was my job to support him when he was having a bad day...he couldn’t acknowledge he wasn’t the only one having a bad day because of this. Now I think back through the years, he’s always played the victim card and I always pandered to it and put his victim ideas above what I wanted or felt.
Completely in the same boat as someone who can’t believe they are probably going to become a single mum & who currently works with children. All I can say is that so far my job is safe as my line manager has been amazing about all of this. He’s leaving though & I’m getting a new person in September who might not be so understanding...I’m really scared.
Hey ???????
My manager has been great so far as have HR but my name will be dragged through the mud if all of this goes in the papers. No one will want their kids anywhere near me. Im dreading the possibility of having to move too.
I think the reason im so mad at him is because HE made those choices and its HIM who plays the victim with it all! I seem so be getting 90% of the fallout from a choice HE made!! Its me who has to deal with SS and schools and family and doctors and courses and trying to keep our heads above the water and all he seems to be doing is moping around all woe is me. I seriously just sit and stare at him sometimes without realising; just getting more and more angry at him. Hes ruined my life. Hes ruined what we had. Hes put my whole family in danger. and for what? Getting his kicks from doing something illegal and thinking he'll get away with it. Im seriouly disgusted by him right now.
If anyone has any advice about what to do about contact it'd be appreciated because I dont know what SS are going to say once hes been charged.
I just dont know what to do anymore.
My manager has been great so far as have HR but my name will be dragged through the mud if all of this goes in the papers. No one will want their kids anywhere near me. Im dreading the possibility of having to move too.
I think the reason im so mad at him is because HE made those choices and its HIM who plays the victim with it all! I seem so be getting 90% of the fallout from a choice HE made!! Its me who has to deal with SS and schools and family and doctors and courses and trying to keep our heads above the water and all he seems to be doing is moping around all woe is me. I seriously just sit and stare at him sometimes without realising; just getting more and more angry at him. Hes ruined my life. Hes ruined what we had. Hes put my whole family in danger. and for what? Getting his kicks from doing something illegal and thinking he'll get away with it. Im seriouly disgusted by him right now.
If anyone has any advice about what to do about contact it'd be appreciated because I dont know what SS are going to say once hes been charged.
I just dont know what to do anymore.