Pushing my buttons
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As far as I'm aware mobiles are prohibited in prison x
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Crikey so different in England. I'm sorry his calls are causing you more angst x
Parkerpoo1 - I felt guilty when we gave away our sons beloved gaming chair plus some clothes + bits & bobs etc, but when I told him he wasn't that bothered.
I think you have to let them know life outside isn't a bag of roses, life has changed for you as a consequence of what your person has done. It's hard because you don't want to cause upset, but your feelings matter too!
I can feel your frustration at the restrictions he's trying to put on you, I'd be furious too!
ps: I too thought mobiles weren't allowed in prison, perhaps its to ease the demand on their communal phones.
I think you have to let them know life outside isn't a bag of roses, life has changed for you as a consequence of what your person has done. It's hard because you don't want to cause upset, but your feelings matter too!
I can feel your frustration at the restrictions he's trying to put on you, I'd be furious too!
ps: I too thought mobiles weren't allowed in prison, perhaps its to ease the demand on their communal phones.
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You're dealing with so much, I feel for you.
Could you give him ultimatum - don't call me again until you have spoken to your mum??
x
Could you give him ultimatum - don't call me again until you have spoken to your mum??
x
Your person is very lucky to have you and a mum that wants talk to him. My son relies on just me. I know many men in prison for these crimes are deserted by friends/family, so no contacts on the outside, which I think is very sad.
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I think the mobile phones came in during covid. They are restricted and only calls can be made to authorised numbers.
I'm so sorry to hear you are dealing with this. When my person first went away I struggled a huge amount with similar guilt in both not wanting to talk to him but also what to talk about. I was so worried about his mental wellbeing, I didn't want to rock the boat by upsetting him, but I also knew I needed time to process things - So we agreed the days and times he could call, that worked with both our schedules.
It is hard but you do need to put yourself first. Prison is a long journey (I'm 13 months in) and I think it takes its toll on people supporting on the outside, regardless of how much you choose to support.
My person has refused to tell his sister (as far as we know she doesn't know - They only spoke a couple of times a year). This hasn't impacted me as I've not spoken to her, but it really bothers me that he hasn't and to me it seems irresponsible and is the only thing that bothers me about the way he's approached his sentence. He is inadvertently putting additional pressure and complication on other people that are already helping him. This is a consequence of his actions and to me it's part of the process of taking responsibility.
On regards to feeling guilty about talking about what you've been up to, from my experience and from talking to others in prision - They like to hear about it, like in prison is so mundane.
We use prison voicemail. It's a number they can call and leave you messages on. You get notified on a app, you can leave messages for them too. I found this eased the discomfort of missing calls but also gave me freedom to not be waiting by the phone. Unfortunately it's a paid service, I think the cheapest package is about £7 a month.
I'm so sorry to hear you are dealing with this. When my person first went away I struggled a huge amount with similar guilt in both not wanting to talk to him but also what to talk about. I was so worried about his mental wellbeing, I didn't want to rock the boat by upsetting him, but I also knew I needed time to process things - So we agreed the days and times he could call, that worked with both our schedules.
It is hard but you do need to put yourself first. Prison is a long journey (I'm 13 months in) and I think it takes its toll on people supporting on the outside, regardless of how much you choose to support.
My person has refused to tell his sister (as far as we know she doesn't know - They only spoke a couple of times a year). This hasn't impacted me as I've not spoken to her, but it really bothers me that he hasn't and to me it seems irresponsible and is the only thing that bothers me about the way he's approached his sentence. He is inadvertently putting additional pressure and complication on other people that are already helping him. This is a consequence of his actions and to me it's part of the process of taking responsibility.
On regards to feeling guilty about talking about what you've been up to, from my experience and from talking to others in prision - They like to hear about it, like in prison is so mundane.
We use prison voicemail. It's a number they can call and leave you messages on. You get notified on a app, you can leave messages for them too. I found this eased the discomfort of missing calls but also gave me freedom to not be waiting by the phone. Unfortunately it's a paid service, I think the cheapest package is about £7 a month.
My son and I always agree on a set day and time for a call. I always tell him not to worry if I don't answer as things can crop up! Works well for us....