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Oh gosh, so sorry to read this. Good luck with the coming weeks; what a nightmare for you all.
do you have any recourse against the NFA OIC??!
what does solicitor say?
x
do you have any recourse against the NFA OIC??!
what does solicitor say?
x
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Curly wurly it's so hard when the person you normally rely on at times of stress is the person who is the cause of the stress. Ive found it really hard trying to decide whether I believe my partner or not. You may have to come to terms with the fact that you will never really know the truth.
How cruel though, to tell you NFA and then spring this on you. It smacks of incompetence.
How cruel though, to tell you NFA and then spring this on you. It smacks of incompetence.
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Hi curly
Ugh you've had a rough ride. I'm sorry you're going through this. All I will say is trust your instincts. My person lied about it for 3 weeks before coming clean. I knew he was lying just by the way he was acting but when someone you've been with for so long and have children with your heart wants to believe them but your sensible head tells you otherwise.
For your husband, if he is lying the BEST thing he can do for himself is come completely clean. If it goes to court it looks so much better on him if he is honest and not in denial of any wrongdoings and takes responsibility for his actions. My person was in court last week. Had 21 cat A images and got 2 year suspended sentence for a 34 week prison term. The judge told him if he hadn't pleaded guilty he would have gone to prison. My person had lots of mitigating circumstances and had worked extensively on himself over the last 2 years to sort himself out. We were shocked he didn't get a community order but the severity of the cat A images took it over their threshold I think.
I'm not saying your husband is lying but make him aware of all this so he knows the consequences. I pray for you that it is something to do with hacking etc and not your husband at fault. Hugs x
Ugh you've had a rough ride. I'm sorry you're going through this. All I will say is trust your instincts. My person lied about it for 3 weeks before coming clean. I knew he was lying just by the way he was acting but when someone you've been with for so long and have children with your heart wants to believe them but your sensible head tells you otherwise.
For your husband, if he is lying the BEST thing he can do for himself is come completely clean. If it goes to court it looks so much better on him if he is honest and not in denial of any wrongdoings and takes responsibility for his actions. My person was in court last week. Had 21 cat A images and got 2 year suspended sentence for a 34 week prison term. The judge told him if he hadn't pleaded guilty he would have gone to prison. My person had lots of mitigating circumstances and had worked extensively on himself over the last 2 years to sort himself out. We were shocked he didn't get a community order but the severity of the cat A images took it over their threshold I think.
I'm not saying your husband is lying but make him aware of all this so he knows the consequences. I pray for you that it is something to do with hacking etc and not your husband at fault. Hugs x
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Curlywurly (Great username by the way),
I'm so sorry you've joined the club but also well done for reaching out. I'm afraid I don't have much in the way of advice as I'm only in the early stages, but I also just wanted to add my sentiments that I'm so sorry this happened to you in the way that it has. To give you a NFA and then seemingly snatch it away again is downright cruel.
Others on here are more clued up on reporting issues about the police, but it was very poorly handled by them and I hope they take some accountability. Though it's the police, so admittedly unlikely.
I also completely understand your feelings of doubt and whether or not to believe your partner. Again, I don't have the answers but I just wanted to reach out to let you know you're not alone in how you're feeling or thinking. My person claims he downloaded IIOC completely by mistake thinking it was regular adult content, but honestly, who knows until the results of the forensics come back which are an agonising wait.
Keep posting to the forum, there are some good eggs on here who are enormously helpful and nonjudgemental as we're all in this same godawful boat together x
I'm so sorry you've joined the club but also well done for reaching out. I'm afraid I don't have much in the way of advice as I'm only in the early stages, but I also just wanted to add my sentiments that I'm so sorry this happened to you in the way that it has. To give you a NFA and then seemingly snatch it away again is downright cruel.
Others on here are more clued up on reporting issues about the police, but it was very poorly handled by them and I hope they take some accountability. Though it's the police, so admittedly unlikely.
I also completely understand your feelings of doubt and whether or not to believe your partner. Again, I don't have the answers but I just wanted to reach out to let you know you're not alone in how you're feeling or thinking. My person claims he downloaded IIOC completely by mistake thinking it was regular adult content, but honestly, who knows until the results of the forensics come back which are an agonising wait.
Keep posting to the forum, there are some good eggs on here who are enormously helpful and nonjudgemental as we're all in this same godawful boat together x
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Curly I really feel you have ground for a complaint to the police constabulary for your area. My person got the knock in April 2021, laptop and other devices came back from forensics in July 2021 and by October 2022 one phone was STILL with forensics. My mental health was in a really bad place at this point so I made a Complaint to the police online. I explained everything and said that because of the delay the restrictions SS had me under (supervising my person at all times in the house) was a breach of my human rights and that we were not in a financial position for him to leave the family home etc. I sent the online form off, a day later I got a response to tell me it was being dealt with and within 10 days the OIC rang me, apologised and made it a priority to chase up the device. Within a month it was back and husband was offered second interview date.
The OIC apologised on many occasions saying the delay was not acceptable and it was because of covid.
I know the circumstances are different to yours but I was at a point where it got too much and I was so frustrated. Once I put it in writing it had to be followed up. If anything, having contact from the OIC put my mind at rest that it hadn't been forgotten about. It had been over 18 months since the knock and 14 months since having any communication with the police.
I understand that the police are dealing with offenders but the mental strain it puts on them and their loved ones who haven't done anything wrong is not fair. If anything, by complaining will ensure that others are not put through the same trauma as you.
Please feel free to DM me if you need any help x x
The OIC apologised on many occasions saying the delay was not acceptable and it was because of covid.
I know the circumstances are different to yours but I was at a point where it got too much and I was so frustrated. Once I put it in writing it had to be followed up. If anything, having contact from the OIC put my mind at rest that it hadn't been forgotten about. It had been over 18 months since the knock and 14 months since having any communication with the police.
I understand that the police are dealing with offenders but the mental strain it puts on them and their loved ones who haven't done anything wrong is not fair. If anything, by complaining will ensure that others are not put through the same trauma as you.
Please feel free to DM me if you need any help x x
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