Brought it all back!
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hi all. New post from me so I apologise in advance for the length.
Where to start? Well Feb 2015 I met a guy online and we really hit it off. We talked for hours a day on the phone and via text. We eventually decided to meet after about just over a month of speaking with each other. We met and everything was perfect apart from a couple of things he had told me like what he did for work etc turned out to be a little lie. Anyway, it got to about end of March and it wasn’t going well. His mental health wasn’t great and he used this as an excuse for unacceptable behaviour so I called it a day and that was that.
April of the same year I found out I was pregnant, which I made the decision not to tell him as he was in a ‘dark place’ and didn’t know if this would send him over the edge. I tried to keep in contact but he wasn’t interested in talking to me. Fast forward to child being 10 month old and I emailed him and to my surprise he emailed back saying he was in a good place I asked if we could talk but he refused so I sent him a message with a picture of our son. He came to see him a couple of weeks later and my mum wanted to meet him. I didn’t know this before but only when child was 10 month that he had previously changed his name but said it was down to bullying, which my mum thought was strange plus a few other things that didn’t quite sit right. Mum and sister googled him with his previous name and were horrified as to what came up. He was convicting for possessing indecent images of children and recieved probation period, had to attend an offender programme and 5 years on SOR. At the time we met he was already off the register.
This was the worse week of my life but I chose to continue to allow him to see my son. SS advised supervised contact only which I’ve managed myself. It took a while to build that trust back and it will never be 100% but for some reason in March this year we decided to give it a go romantically but I came to my senses and said it wasn’t a good idea and to just concentrate on our son. Fast forward to now and I’ve just found out I’m 8 weeks pregnant. I put my own referral in to SS as I know as soon as I speak with midwife she will put a referral in and I want to be open and honest as I’ve alwats been.
They are currently in the process of doing a risk assessment on my son, never done one previously as child’s dad lives 3 hours a way. And an assessment on the unborn baby. It’s just brought everything back from that week and makes it worse as childs dad thinks that cause he’s no longer on the register and because it was 10 years ago he feels SS shouldn’t be poking their noses in and advising he only has supervised access cause he’s no risk and his conviction his spent.
I just don’t know what to do. I just wish in a way that I never told him about my son in the first place as it wouldn’t have opened up this massive can of worms. I don’t know whether to continue allowing him access or just stopping all together. I’m a single mum and do everything for my son, he sees him when I’ve the time to allow him to see him and believe me I’ve bent over backwards for him and he’s let my son down on numerous ocassions and is now on his final chance. His offences were all girls and I really want the unborn to be a girl but I know the implications if the unborn is and I’m not sure how I’d feel. I’m also in full time education on a demanding course and if any safeguarding at all is tied to my name I can kiss goodbye to my career. His mum lives in Spain and I just think it’s unfair for her to miss out on grandkids for something her son did which is probably why I’ve still allowed contact.
I just don’t know what to do with it all. This last year and half have been a constant struggle and haven’t done well for my mental health as he has played with my emotions and tells me things he thinks I want to hear so I can’t really believe anything that comes out of his mouth. He also lies a lot and frankly isn’t a very good role model to my son.
Writing all this out I can actually hear my inner self shouting to me that I’ve literally just made a case for me not to allow him to continue seeing his son. I think I’ve just kept him sweet cause I’m scared of any repercussions and no one can give me w straight answer whether he’d get access if he took me to court. I think that’s the one thing I’ve been dreading. I hold all the cards and I don’t want him having parental rights, he struggles to deal with himself sometimes, there’s no way he’d cope looking after our son on his own
please someone advise me on the way move forward and again sorry for really long post!
Where to start? Well Feb 2015 I met a guy online and we really hit it off. We talked for hours a day on the phone and via text. We eventually decided to meet after about just over a month of speaking with each other. We met and everything was perfect apart from a couple of things he had told me like what he did for work etc turned out to be a little lie. Anyway, it got to about end of March and it wasn’t going well. His mental health wasn’t great and he used this as an excuse for unacceptable behaviour so I called it a day and that was that.
April of the same year I found out I was pregnant, which I made the decision not to tell him as he was in a ‘dark place’ and didn’t know if this would send him over the edge. I tried to keep in contact but he wasn’t interested in talking to me. Fast forward to child being 10 month old and I emailed him and to my surprise he emailed back saying he was in a good place I asked if we could talk but he refused so I sent him a message with a picture of our son. He came to see him a couple of weeks later and my mum wanted to meet him. I didn’t know this before but only when child was 10 month that he had previously changed his name but said it was down to bullying, which my mum thought was strange plus a few other things that didn’t quite sit right. Mum and sister googled him with his previous name and were horrified as to what came up. He was convicting for possessing indecent images of children and recieved probation period, had to attend an offender programme and 5 years on SOR. At the time we met he was already off the register.
This was the worse week of my life but I chose to continue to allow him to see my son. SS advised supervised contact only which I’ve managed myself. It took a while to build that trust back and it will never be 100% but for some reason in March this year we decided to give it a go romantically but I came to my senses and said it wasn’t a good idea and to just concentrate on our son. Fast forward to now and I’ve just found out I’m 8 weeks pregnant. I put my own referral in to SS as I know as soon as I speak with midwife she will put a referral in and I want to be open and honest as I’ve alwats been.
They are currently in the process of doing a risk assessment on my son, never done one previously as child’s dad lives 3 hours a way. And an assessment on the unborn baby. It’s just brought everything back from that week and makes it worse as childs dad thinks that cause he’s no longer on the register and because it was 10 years ago he feels SS shouldn’t be poking their noses in and advising he only has supervised access cause he’s no risk and his conviction his spent.
I just don’t know what to do. I just wish in a way that I never told him about my son in the first place as it wouldn’t have opened up this massive can of worms. I don’t know whether to continue allowing him access or just stopping all together. I’m a single mum and do everything for my son, he sees him when I’ve the time to allow him to see him and believe me I’ve bent over backwards for him and he’s let my son down on numerous ocassions and is now on his final chance. His offences were all girls and I really want the unborn to be a girl but I know the implications if the unborn is and I’m not sure how I’d feel. I’m also in full time education on a demanding course and if any safeguarding at all is tied to my name I can kiss goodbye to my career. His mum lives in Spain and I just think it’s unfair for her to miss out on grandkids for something her son did which is probably why I’ve still allowed contact.
I just don’t know what to do with it all. This last year and half have been a constant struggle and haven’t done well for my mental health as he has played with my emotions and tells me things he thinks I want to hear so I can’t really believe anything that comes out of his mouth. He also lies a lot and frankly isn’t a very good role model to my son.
Writing all this out I can actually hear my inner self shouting to me that I’ve literally just made a case for me not to allow him to continue seeing his son. I think I’ve just kept him sweet cause I’m scared of any repercussions and no one can give me w straight answer whether he’d get access if he took me to court. I think that’s the one thing I’ve been dreading. I hold all the cards and I don’t want him having parental rights, he struggles to deal with himself sometimes, there’s no way he’d cope looking after our son on his own
please someone advise me on the way move forward and again sorry for really long post!