New here and feeling very alone
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Hello,
I have just come here as a way of voicing how I am feeling and my fears for the future. I am not even 30 yet and have been engaged to my partner for less than a year, he has just been charged with 10 images obtained over a period of 5 months. The first court date is set in a couple of weeks but I feel totally lost with it all.
I'm wondering how long in total other people took from receiving police charge through to sentencing? It feels like this is now just going to be a huge black cloud hanging over my life. I am unsure whether our relationship will make it through this but I want to support him at the moment. I'm driving myself crazy looking at all of the sentencing options and trying to remain positive but also keep seeing 'custodial', 'custody' etc. I feel that my life as I know it is completely over and due to us wanting to keep this as quiet as possible I am now completely isolated (albeit through choice as I do not want to tell anyone).
I have been reading others' posts about the media and this is a huge concern for me, I don't think I would survive everyone knowing what he's been through and what we are going through. I feel that I know he is a good man but has done a very bad thing, that I don't know if I can forgive but I would like it to be my decision not influenced by others due to any word of mouth or ridiculous media articles.
Thanks for reading.
I have just come here as a way of voicing how I am feeling and my fears for the future. I am not even 30 yet and have been engaged to my partner for less than a year, he has just been charged with 10 images obtained over a period of 5 months. The first court date is set in a couple of weeks but I feel totally lost with it all.
I'm wondering how long in total other people took from receiving police charge through to sentencing? It feels like this is now just going to be a huge black cloud hanging over my life. I am unsure whether our relationship will make it through this but I want to support him at the moment. I'm driving myself crazy looking at all of the sentencing options and trying to remain positive but also keep seeing 'custodial', 'custody' etc. I feel that my life as I know it is completely over and due to us wanting to keep this as quiet as possible I am now completely isolated (albeit through choice as I do not want to tell anyone).
I have been reading others' posts about the media and this is a huge concern for me, I don't think I would survive everyone knowing what he's been through and what we are going through. I feel that I know he is a good man but has done a very bad thing, that I don't know if I can forgive but I would like it to be my decision not influenced by others due to any word of mouth or ridiculous media articles.
Thanks for reading.
Hi, we're almost 10 months in since the "knock" and still have no charges yet still waiting on my partners phone to be checked. I think it depends on where abouts you are with how long it can take Iv seen some people waiting 2+ years and some really quick.
im in my early 30s with 2 children 1 has just been diagnosed with autism, so this wait is so stressful as I worry about the next hurdle and all the changes that can happen as we've got use to living like this with my partner on Rui.
im in my early 30s with 2 children 1 has just been diagnosed with autism, so this wait is so stressful as I worry about the next hurdle and all the changes that can happen as we've got use to living like this with my partner on Rui.
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Blue sky
I have such bad anxiety my mood is up and down all day every day, anything can trigger my mood. I worry so much about what will others say and think of me if it gets out. Yesterday my daughter was at dance festival and I couldn't help but feel guilty letting her dad come and watch and just feeling awkward whilst he's chatting away to other parents, like what will the think of me if they find out? This waiting around is just frustrating.
I have such bad anxiety my mood is up and down all day every day, anything can trigger my mood. I worry so much about what will others say and think of me if it gets out. Yesterday my daughter was at dance festival and I couldn't help but feel guilty letting her dad come and watch and just feeling awkward whilst he's chatting away to other parents, like what will the think of me if they find out? This waiting around is just frustrating.
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Valesan, I feel for you. As your partner has a court date he is likely to receive a sentence which will affect your future life together. Even he doesn't get a custodial he will be on the register. This could make any normal family life including children tricky.
you are so young with your whole life ahead of you. Obviously you are free to make your own choices but if I were your mum I'd be saying run for the hills.
you are so young with your whole life ahead of you. Obviously you are free to make your own choices but if I were your mum I'd be saying run for the hills.
Hello @valesan I'm sorry to find you here but glad you've reached out. Each of our journeys and outcomes is different despite them having some similarities. Our lack of control prompts us to look for potential outcomes through the outcomes of others on the forum because we are desperate for answers, try to avoid this as you'll cause yourself more anguish and the journey is tough enough. Take each day as it comes and get through that day. Seek support through the helpline and the forum; you are never alone. The emotions experienced on this journey are a real rollercoaster, make your decisions when they are less raw. It's ok to feel everything you feel x
I was 27 when my partner was sentenced in 2019. He was sentenced within a month and half of the charges.
I would recommend you consider what if he was issued a SHPO that prevents him from being around children unless approved by parents and social services. I didn't know about this forum at the time and I wish I knew more about the impact it would have on my family. I dont want kids but I have young family members and family that have kids. And friends who want kids.
My partner got a ten year SHPO, but we are going to try to have the disclosure clause regarding contact with kids removed - as his offending was online only. In theory the SHPO should be reflectinve and proportionate to the offending and risk.
I would recommend you consider what if he was issued a SHPO that prevents him from being around children unless approved by parents and social services. I didn't know about this forum at the time and I wish I knew more about the impact it would have on my family. I dont want kids but I have young family members and family that have kids. And friends who want kids.
My partner got a ten year SHPO, but we are going to try to have the disclosure clause regarding contact with kids removed - as his offending was online only. In theory the SHPO should be reflectinve and proportionate to the offending and risk.