Knowing what’s best
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Since August 2017 I have not known exactly what my ex-husband has supposedly done to get arrested while at work.
The betrayal prior to his arrest was too much and now this.
The only reason I knew anything is 1, because we work in the same place. 2, he stole my laptop at some point while seeing our children. 3, I phoned the police in a panic wondering what on Earth was going on.
He was always a liar, but to be involved with the Police?! Shocked to say the least.
I obviously asked him, but all he said was “Someone has made a false allegation against me” He’s not capable of being honest with me. Jeez this guy was given every opportunity to tell me he wanted our marriage to end, every opportunity to tell me he was having an affair etc, but much easier for him to deny and lie than be honest and in turn make me look a bad person.
Surely, anyone would want to know what the allegation was and want to keep their children away from anything at all that might cause harm or confusion with police involved?!
Here we are from August 2017 to June 2019.
In March the policeman called and I had to go and give a statement; basically relive in memory to him about my 13/14 year relationship and 9 year marriage with 2 children...That’s just not an easy thing to do is it?! The whole time keeping myself calm when actually I’m full of rage knowing that whatever this allegation is, he’s probably guilty because he can’t be honest about anything.
So, on Friday reading more posts on here, I decided to email the officer and ask (again) what he was facing. Social services have not been involved (thankfully) but the officer has known that because I said for him to see our children at home, he didn’t bother for a year. Whether me keeping the officer in the loop reference the children has prevented SS I don’t know...
Well, I am shocked at what has been put forward to CPS.
In your experience, how long do they take to make a decision?
Are the majority of cases involving children under 18 chargeable and then in the papers?
I’m thinking they can’t possibly have done all this investigating for nothing to happen? I have the best Mum, her partner and friends who are there to talk to, but as they’ve not been through it they have no idea what to say. They listen which is so important isn’t it.....
I’ve struggled with his family as it’s not discussed, not even for the children’s benefit. Just ignored as if it has not been happening. My Dad just blanks when I say I’m struggling, that I have Citizens Advice because the police have said to go there. How can he be like that? Anyone else have that?
We can all think over and over of all the different scenarios that MIGHT happen, but how do you cope with thinking of all the possibilities?
There’s just so much that I consider. As he got arrested after our marriage needed etc, I did assume that whatever he was being investigated for, must’ve happened after he left our home. I was wrong.
They are investigating a year timescale....A year! While he was “happy husband and father”
As we have to keep saying, he is innocent until proven guilty, but how do you keep going with that?!
Sorry for the mumbo jumbo.....Need to let go
Hope you all have a good Sunday x
The betrayal prior to his arrest was too much and now this.
The only reason I knew anything is 1, because we work in the same place. 2, he stole my laptop at some point while seeing our children. 3, I phoned the police in a panic wondering what on Earth was going on.
He was always a liar, but to be involved with the Police?! Shocked to say the least.
I obviously asked him, but all he said was “Someone has made a false allegation against me” He’s not capable of being honest with me. Jeez this guy was given every opportunity to tell me he wanted our marriage to end, every opportunity to tell me he was having an affair etc, but much easier for him to deny and lie than be honest and in turn make me look a bad person.
Surely, anyone would want to know what the allegation was and want to keep their children away from anything at all that might cause harm or confusion with police involved?!
Here we are from August 2017 to June 2019.
In March the policeman called and I had to go and give a statement; basically relive in memory to him about my 13/14 year relationship and 9 year marriage with 2 children...That’s just not an easy thing to do is it?! The whole time keeping myself calm when actually I’m full of rage knowing that whatever this allegation is, he’s probably guilty because he can’t be honest about anything.
So, on Friday reading more posts on here, I decided to email the officer and ask (again) what he was facing. Social services have not been involved (thankfully) but the officer has known that because I said for him to see our children at home, he didn’t bother for a year. Whether me keeping the officer in the loop reference the children has prevented SS I don’t know...
Well, I am shocked at what has been put forward to CPS.
In your experience, how long do they take to make a decision?
Are the majority of cases involving children under 18 chargeable and then in the papers?
I’m thinking they can’t possibly have done all this investigating for nothing to happen? I have the best Mum, her partner and friends who are there to talk to, but as they’ve not been through it they have no idea what to say. They listen which is so important isn’t it.....
I’ve struggled with his family as it’s not discussed, not even for the children’s benefit. Just ignored as if it has not been happening. My Dad just blanks when I say I’m struggling, that I have Citizens Advice because the police have said to go there. How can he be like that? Anyone else have that?
We can all think over and over of all the different scenarios that MIGHT happen, but how do you cope with thinking of all the possibilities?
There’s just so much that I consider. As he got arrested after our marriage needed etc, I did assume that whatever he was being investigated for, must’ve happened after he left our home. I was wrong.
They are investigating a year timescale....A year! While he was “happy husband and father”
As we have to keep saying, he is innocent until proven guilty, but how do you keep going with that?!
Sorry for the mumbo jumbo.....Need to let go
Hope you all have a good Sunday x
Thank you Poster
I definitely agree with the planning ahead as it feels like you can’t for so many reasons.
I managed to take my children on a holiday with friends which was lovely. Planned in November and went in April, but the officer had told me that things were going to take a while.
Mad for computers/electronics - they have told me there is evidence on the hard drive to the laptop. There’s just lots of little bits of information, but now all tied in to what they have told me they have put forward to CPS...
the waiting is painful isn’t it, not knowing how your children will react to things. A blessing in disguise that their Dad hasn’t bothered and because of that, I have told him to leave alone - he doesn’t even ask how they are or anything. Ridiculous.
For the victim, if he has done this, I hope he gets done for it, but what if he doesn’t?!
Where does that leave us in the turmoil?!
How long will CPS take to decide? aaaaaaah
i do speak with an Occupational Therapist and have drs next week finally, as not told them anything, other than when my husband left me. Way before any of this!
I do make the most with my children, but it doesn’t take any worries away does it. Going to work and being a Mum. However, ex husband and his now wife still work there as well....
Thank you x
I definitely agree with the planning ahead as it feels like you can’t for so many reasons.
I managed to take my children on a holiday with friends which was lovely. Planned in November and went in April, but the officer had told me that things were going to take a while.
Mad for computers/electronics - they have told me there is evidence on the hard drive to the laptop. There’s just lots of little bits of information, but now all tied in to what they have told me they have put forward to CPS...
the waiting is painful isn’t it, not knowing how your children will react to things. A blessing in disguise that their Dad hasn’t bothered and because of that, I have told him to leave alone - he doesn’t even ask how they are or anything. Ridiculous.
For the victim, if he has done this, I hope he gets done for it, but what if he doesn’t?!
Where does that leave us in the turmoil?!
How long will CPS take to decide? aaaaaaah
i do speak with an Occupational Therapist and have drs next week finally, as not told them anything, other than when my husband left me. Way before any of this!
I do make the most with my children, but it doesn’t take any worries away does it. Going to work and being a Mum. However, ex husband and his now wife still work there as well....
Thank you x
Hiya,
sorry to sound a bit thick but ive read your post a number of time’s and I’m not sure what you’re asking (sorry again!) Has your ex been charged yet and with what?
sorry to sound a bit thick but ive read your post a number of time’s and I’m not sure what you’re asking (sorry again!) Has your ex been charged yet and with what?
Hi Jaded
No, it’s been 22 months of waiting so far with next to no information.
The case is now with CPS again to make a charging decision.
So, I’m wondering how long has that taken for everyone?...
What a headache....
No, it’s been 22 months of waiting so far with next to no information.
The case is now with CPS again to make a charging decision.
So, I’m wondering how long has that taken for everyone?...
What a headache....
Ok, well this is just from my understanding of what you wrote:
its very unlikely this is to do with children? I assume he has no contact with yours/his children? However SS would have made contact to ensure you are given enough information so you can protect your children.
Peoples computers are seized for other reasons than IIOC. It may be that he’s been accused of something against an adult? I say may because it’s not really fair to jump to conclusions until he’s had the opportunity to answer the allegations in a court of law. That may not be what you want to hear but anyone of us could be accused of something and we’d want the protection of the judicial system in answering to those alllegations.
It sounds to me like you’ve had a pretty poor relationship in the past and that these feelings are continuing for you. I’m sorry you’re in that horrible position. The waiting is horrible but you have luckily extracated yourself from his life and he’s another woman’s worry now.
We’ve (mostly all) been through hell as the partner of someone caught up in this, some choose to stay some don’t, some innocent, some guilty but we’ve all been subjected to the society reaction of ‘no smoke without fire’ attitude. Just wait for the outcome of court, you can then say to yourself thank god im not involved with him anymore or you can say the guys not guilty and get on with your life.
its very unlikely this is to do with children? I assume he has no contact with yours/his children? However SS would have made contact to ensure you are given enough information so you can protect your children.
Peoples computers are seized for other reasons than IIOC. It may be that he’s been accused of something against an adult? I say may because it’s not really fair to jump to conclusions until he’s had the opportunity to answer the allegations in a court of law. That may not be what you want to hear but anyone of us could be accused of something and we’d want the protection of the judicial system in answering to those alllegations.
It sounds to me like you’ve had a pretty poor relationship in the past and that these feelings are continuing for you. I’m sorry you’re in that horrible position. The waiting is horrible but you have luckily extracated yourself from his life and he’s another woman’s worry now.
We’ve (mostly all) been through hell as the partner of someone caught up in this, some choose to stay some don’t, some innocent, some guilty but we’ve all been subjected to the society reaction of ‘no smoke without fire’ attitude. Just wait for the outcome of court, you can then say to yourself thank god im not involved with him anymore or you can say the guys not guilty and get on with your life.
Hi Jaded
Thank you. I completely understand where you are coming from and I to have that attitude.
However, this is to do with a child as I found out on Friday. It is also in a timescale where we were, as I thought, happily married with our children.
Yes, he might be innocent. However, his actions tell me differently.
I haven’t heard anything from SS and part of me wonders why, although I’m glad obviously. I was told from the very beginning that he had been advised to have supervised contact and I followed that advice knowing nothing.
This is a serious allegation in my eyes, so would just like to know on IIOC level, how long people have waited for the decision to be made with CPS. Never in a million years would I ever have thought I’d be in this position and I’m sure you all feel the same.
I’d like to say how brave you all are for telling your life stories and how much it helps knowing that we are all in a similar boat and not alone x
thank you x
Thank you. I completely understand where you are coming from and I to have that attitude.
However, this is to do with a child as I found out on Friday. It is also in a timescale where we were, as I thought, happily married with our children.
Yes, he might be innocent. However, his actions tell me differently.
I haven’t heard anything from SS and part of me wonders why, although I’m glad obviously. I was told from the very beginning that he had been advised to have supervised contact and I followed that advice knowing nothing.
This is a serious allegation in my eyes, so would just like to know on IIOC level, how long people have waited for the decision to be made with CPS. Never in a million years would I ever have thought I’d be in this position and I’m sure you all feel the same.
I’d like to say how brave you all are for telling your life stories and how much it helps knowing that we are all in a similar boat and not alone x
thank you x
The answer to that as we’ve all found out is how long is a piece of string! It’s very frustrating but it seems you’ve been given enough information to protect your children, that’s the most important thing. I suppose all I can say is that your fortunate that you’re not still in the relationship and have the decision to stay or not. Always look on the bright side eh!