Tormented by victims' faces, noises, pain and hurt
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Since I've been associated this world, I have felt unavoidably connected with the bowels of hell. When I hear a child in distress - crying in the supermarket, having a strop, falling and hurting themselves - everything in me just goes to horror. I imagine and am tormented by the the pained faces, physical anguish, noises, terror, hurt and utter fear of children being raped and sexually abused. Did they struggle, sob, fight back while being harmed? Where are these childten now? Do they know what it's like to feel safe, comfortable, cosy and loved? Are they scared, hungry, cold and lonely? Are they rescued and reassured? Do they have someone to tuck them in at night, with full tummies, clean PJs and happy bedtime stories (as is the norm for my own children). How could my person engage with that agony for kicks? As a responsible adult, why didn't he report it rather than engage with it? I have never seen a single image that would fall into any category that has changed our worlds, but I know that if I had, I would be endlessly tormented by it. Why wasn't he?
inTatters - I was horrified listening to the judges summary in the torture of Nikki Allen - that poor poor little girl, how can anyone get a thrill from anything like that - I'm sure we will all agree 100% with you on this one. Then on top of it the announcement of the death of Rolf Harris.
I will never ever condone anything in these crimes but we've talked a lot about addiction and mental health on the forum. I carnt understand how anyone can be addicted to certain things but sadly it has to be faced, it's there...... Society doesn't want to address why these crimes (against children) are on the increase. I must add here, the long sentence was definitely justified in this awful case.
My boy has a gentle, kind, affectionate nature - I'm bought to my knees when I think of him locked up in a prison for sex offenders. But I don't know what was going on in his mind or what led him to do what he did. It's a very hard thing to come to absorb and come to terms with.
I will never ever condone anything in these crimes but we've talked a lot about addiction and mental health on the forum. I carnt understand how anyone can be addicted to certain things but sadly it has to be faced, it's there...... Society doesn't want to address why these crimes (against children) are on the increase. I must add here, the long sentence was definitely justified in this awful case.
My boy has a gentle, kind, affectionate nature - I'm bought to my knees when I think of him locked up in a prison for sex offenders. But I don't know what was going on in his mind or what led him to do what he did. It's a very hard thing to come to absorb and come to terms with.
Omg! I am the same!
I have really struggled with this. It isn't just an image or just online. This was someone's child... and that poor child to have that life changing experience
and ... for some on here that is real in many ways.
When I hear about number of cases I think number of children and how awful that is.
And I give mine an extra hug and think how stupid I was not to have noticed what was happening in my own home and when I was in the home ...
And I promise myself that I will fight with all my breath for their futures and protection.
I have really struggled with this. It isn't just an image or just online. This was someone's child... and that poor child to have that life changing experience
and ... for some on here that is real in many ways.
When I hear about number of cases I think number of children and how awful that is.
And I give mine an extra hug and think how stupid I was not to have noticed what was happening in my own home and when I was in the home ...
And I promise myself that I will fight with all my breath for their futures and protection.
And you don't want to see the images.... I saw edited versions through the police and those have haunted me...
As have the items in the photo.... so yes , those poor children ...
As have the items in the photo.... so yes , those poor children ...
My persons wasn't images but just as bad . 3 short chats which I git full disclosure. When it comes back into my head if that were really little tenn girls what damage could have been done , inspirte of them leering him in , he still should have felt sick at the thoughts of it . He also sent a *ick pic he says he still can't remember, but much to my horror it was a pic he sent me o me ages B4 for a laugh and this makes me feel so ashamed tht ifeel pysicically sick . It sounded like a strange lr and that's what I tell myself that it wasn't him and he honestly wasn't him his right head back then .when he stopped he said he felt woo sick with himself and I noticed a big change in him in the period that he did chat and arrest. So yeah . Guess it's normal to feel like this . But I do still see you he actual beautiful person he is abd yes suffered a lot and worked really hard eo deserves a second chance of a fe .
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Oh my word I understand this! I went through a phase where I was a mess with this. Spoke with Tracy from LFF and she described it as vicarious trauma x
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Having been thru that myself as a child, no, the kids are not ok. All of that that you mention about someone to tuck them in and all, most probably is not happening at all. And if those kids are from developing nations, chances are they most probably are going thru worse in many other aspects, ie, homelessness, violence, poverty, you name it.
I'm not going to sugar coat it, that's the reality. It sucks and its horrendous.
And yeah, massive struggle to feel sorry of rather privileged men who grew up in a wealthy country getting a kick of looking at that.
Same as Lost, I don't believe this is to do with porn addiction, but with a rather perverse sense of morbidity. Same reason why folk like to watch legal extreme violence videos of car crashes, people being beheaded etc. Sick desensitisation that is only made easier to access by the Internet.
It's a horrible world. It's on us to make it better for newer generations.
I'm not going to sugar coat it, that's the reality. It sucks and its horrendous.
And yeah, massive struggle to feel sorry of rather privileged men who grew up in a wealthy country getting a kick of looking at that.
Same as Lost, I don't believe this is to do with porn addiction, but with a rather perverse sense of morbidity. Same reason why folk like to watch legal extreme violence videos of car crashes, people being beheaded etc. Sick desensitisation that is only made easier to access by the Internet.
It's a horrible world. It's on us to make it better for newer generations.
BettyBoo65, speaking with my therapist, it is not uncommon for us survivors to access those images.
To some survivors can be is a unconscious way to try to make sense of what happened, to face the fears that the events brought.
Crap way of go about it, obviously. But once something like that happens to a child, nothing makes sense anymore.
To some survivors can be is a unconscious way to try to make sense of what happened, to face the fears that the events brought.
Crap way of go about it, obviously. But once something like that happens to a child, nothing makes sense anymore.
I can understand there are people that deserve what's coming to them (punishment wise) especially serial P's and am sickened by their crime, as I said in an earlier post.
Personally I'm in the group that insists the crime is only part of a person. I've watched and nurtured my son as he's grown up, he's always been a 'different' personality - on reflection I now see the difficulties he quietly faced.
His secret life bought us devastation and broke my heart and I will never forgive that part of him. I'm not some soppy old deluded woman with a 'mummy's boy', HE clicked that keyboard and did what he did, he's a man not a boy - he made those choices.
So - many would think he should rot with his key thrown away - but I just feel (with utter respect and compassion for victims) most of these men deserve a chance.....
Personally I'm in the group that insists the crime is only part of a person. I've watched and nurtured my son as he's grown up, he's always been a 'different' personality - on reflection I now see the difficulties he quietly faced.
His secret life bought us devastation and broke my heart and I will never forgive that part of him. I'm not some soppy old deluded woman with a 'mummy's boy', HE clicked that keyboard and did what he did, he's a man not a boy - he made those choices.
So - many would think he should rot with his key thrown away - but I just feel (with utter respect and compassion for victims) most of these men deserve a chance.....
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As a mother of boys, this crime has brough all kinds of fears.
Even the most extreme P is someone's child. Someone's baby.
I see my boys and it would absolutely destroy me if they ever get involved on this, but it's so so easy with Internet access 24/7 at close reach to get involved in this.
I cringe when younger men at work watch and share extreme stuff for laughs as I wonder if this is you public, what are you accessing in your free private time? And how do I protect my sons in this world where it could reach them without them even doing much?
My eldest son has expressed that he's embarrassed by his little burner phone I got h compared to his mate's Iphones and whatnot. And I still do not want him to have access to his Xbox alone in his room. I'm so scared by so many stories here I don't want him near a personal phone for a long time.
It's a weird world we live in. And I feel utterly helpless at times in it.
Even the most extreme P is someone's child. Someone's baby.
I see my boys and it would absolutely destroy me if they ever get involved on this, but it's so so easy with Internet access 24/7 at close reach to get involved in this.
I cringe when younger men at work watch and share extreme stuff for laughs as I wonder if this is you public, what are you accessing in your free private time? And how do I protect my sons in this world where it could reach them without them even doing much?
My eldest son has expressed that he's embarrassed by his little burner phone I got h compared to his mate's Iphones and whatnot. And I still do not want him to have access to his Xbox alone in his room. I'm so scared by so many stories here I don't want him near a personal phone for a long time.
It's a weird world we live in. And I feel utterly helpless at times in it.
Hi,
I am a victim of SA by my father and I can assure you it has affected every area of my life. The trauma and long standing medical issues including PTSD are horrific & last a lifetime. My SA started when I was 3 so I was very young & I will never be able to remove those memories.
Unfortunately there is still a huge stigma for these crimes & survivors do not or can't speak out about their experience.
This means unless you've lived it or had a family member go through it most people will remain completely oblivious to the harm and impact it can have on a child, their development & quality of life as an adult
I am a victim of SA by my father and I can assure you it has affected every area of my life. The trauma and long standing medical issues including PTSD are horrific & last a lifetime. My SA started when I was 3 so I was very young & I will never be able to remove those memories.
Unfortunately there is still a huge stigma for these crimes & survivors do not or can't speak out about their experience.
This means unless you've lived it or had a family member go through it most people will remain completely oblivious to the harm and impact it can have on a child, their development & quality of life as an adult
Hi,
I am a victim of SA by my father and I can assure you it has affected every area of my life. The trauma and long standing medical issues including PTSD are horrific & last a lifetime. My SA started when I was 3 so I was very young & I will never be able to remove those memories.
Unfortunately there is still a huge stigma for these crimes & survivors do not or can't speak out about their experience.
This means unless you've lived it or had a family member go through it most people will remain completely oblivious to the harm and impact it can have on a child, their development & quality of life as an adult
I am a victim of SA by my father and I can assure you it has affected every area of my life. The trauma and long standing medical issues including PTSD are horrific & last a lifetime. My SA started when I was 3 so I was very young & I will never be able to remove those memories.
Unfortunately there is still a huge stigma for these crimes & survivors do not or can't speak out about their experience.
This means unless you've lived it or had a family member go through it most people will remain completely oblivious to the harm and impact it can have on a child, their development & quality of life as an adult
My heart goes out to you Bluebell........
These treatment programmes must be pushed forward. I know my son is locked up but does he really understand the devastation he has caused - he needs to face up to it, get help it's such an essential part of rehabilitation.
These treatment programmes must be pushed forward. I know my son is locked up but does he really understand the devastation he has caused - he needs to face up to it, get help it's such an essential part of rehabilitation.
Daffodil you always know the right things to say ! I took a lot from your comment xxx wonder woman! Xx
I haven't seen any of these images but I did some research online back at the beginning to understand what the different categories of images were and found some info which described typical content of the categories and tbh it really sickened and disturbed me to the point where the thought of having sex is just repulsive to me. And that was just written descriptions. I feel like I've lost my own innocence and in many ways I wish I'd not been curious enough to find out about it. I simply just can't imagine how the children involved must feel. Its just so awful.