Family and Friends Forum

Good morning Blue Sky - and it actually is a blue sky this morning here on the South coast!!

I couldn't believe that this happens when I first read about it on here after our nightmare began. I did find our son's local police FB page and scrolled back over a few months and there were no reports of any offences like ours on there, just a few sexual offences like rape reported. Likewise a local area community page. I expect there are FB groups for specific towns, villages etc but I decided not to look any further. I originally decided not to ever look at things like this, but it was on an evening when I'd had a few glasses of wine and my willpower was low and bravado was higher than usual I think. I know this doesn't mean that there will never be anything from the police online in this area, but at least I had a rare moment of feeling slightly less paranoid and they really are rare at the moment.

I'm now not at all surprised about it though, having experienced the attitude and behavious of the OIC of our son's case. I'd like to think that it's her way of working and not personal but it's not in keeping with the police code of ethics in the way people should be treated by police officers. My husband is a retired police officer and is appalled as he says he would always treat offenders with fairness and respect whatever his personal feelings about their crimes. Sadly this experience has soured my view of the police despite knowing that there must be good ones out there, so now I'm not surprised about the social media, Blue Sky, and really wish something could be done about it. It seems crazy that they deliberately incite possible violence and aggression which I thought was a crime in itself, plus of course and most importantly, it's the innocent partners, relatives and children who will bear the brunt of it which really is unforgiveable of the police who must realise that but don't care.

PS without being too specific (see, paranoia in case the police read this forum and recognise our case) it's in the SW.

Every force has their own social media policies that cover things like social media and whether details, mugshots etc are passed to the press. They are usually on the police or the commissioners website. Might be worth LFF doing some research and representation about what is done to reduce impact on family members.

I totally agree and would really like LFF to look into this as there does seem to be differences between different authorities.

We were incredibly lucky in that nothing was reported in the media at sentencing because there was a much bigger case going on that day but I do know that the police in the area where we lived at the time of the offence not only post details on their Facebook page of " recently in court" but also allow the local online rag to livestream from the courts which I consider to be an infringement of human rights.

We have relocated to a different area now and the Visor ( who's a bit of a thug and totally lacking in any empathy) told us that had the case been heard here then it would have been all over the local media and we would have been fair game for any vigilante groups-he seemed to think that this was acceptable and was surprised when I questioned it.

We requested that details weren't read out in court and fortunately son wasn't asked to state his address but the impact it would have had on me if this hadn't been the case would have been catastrophic.

More needs to be done to protect the families and children of offenders-we are victims in all of this but are being treated as if we are complicit and guilty by association

Iv been checking our local police fb watching what they post and they've only really posted repeat offenders Iv only seen 1 this year and 1 where the person had gone on the run, they also tend to turn comments off.

my husband had the oic ring this week to do a welfare check and let him know stuff is still in a queue 10 months on. He tell her that I had lots of anxiety and extremely worried about it being in media as we've 2 young children and she's told him there is things they can do to protect his name because we have children.... I'm not sure if she's just saying that or if they can actually make sure it doesn't get out.

The judge said no to media ... including the police



less than a month later... full media... police listed address.

I had always thought there would be (massive public interest case... and the details ...). It gained the most comments and me and the children were named within the comments ...

Ultimately i had to leave. People were generally kind to me as he had left (people knew why...) but it was hard.



I don't blame the listing as I knew they would and ... in a sense should... but they could have warned me particularly after what the judge had said.

Nemesis - your experience truly shocks me. If the police don't heed what a judge says (commands even!) what is the Justice System coming to? As our son's wife has some mental health conditions which are probably known in the neighbourhood we were hoping that for our grandsons' sakes we could request no media as they would then have the stigma of their mother's reputation and now a SO dad. Your experience now makes me think that their lives could be really impacted after all, despite any sympathy a judge shows to the situation. Surely it's grounds for complaint, Nemesis? Or are you just too weary to expend the energy as I probably would be. Hope this discussion hasn't been a trigger.

Police won't do and can't to anything. I'm afraid it's up to the judge on the day . I write a letter to judge stating the impact this has had on me and our children and to keep media out to keep us safe . Also I had dv in previous marriage and my ex would either kill me make my life he'll . Judge agreed, my person also changed his name by depole but there was still the worry of police posting on there web page but fortunately it didn't happen. Probably because he got probation and he's no interesting enough, I don't know but get it put in action yourself. Don't trust the police. They don't care .

The oic told my husband there's things they can do to protect my husbands name and getting out to protect my children but I'm not sure if I believe her when Iv seen so many on here where details like names and addresses are published. Surly the police have a duty to safeguard Children, so when they allow photos and addresses etc to go online of a offender that have small children how is that not a safeguarding issue. I'm So worried about people coming to my home, my youngest has autism and can not cope with loud noises shouting banging.

Sorry I don't know if that even makes sense!!

Yes we'll of course they can , but looks good for them if they post a conviction. Make it look like they're being proactive most of the times it's vigilantes or decoys that actually causes conviction. Doesn't seem right but it is what it is .

Hi,

Sadly we hit the news but not by the police just the local paper.
it's awful, I feel vulnerable and there was absolutely no thought given to the fact I was in the house with 2 children.
The house is now up for sale and hopefully we can move away and get a fresh start.



xx

The police can control their FB page

In our case I said to the Oic would it hit the media, I was worried about the impact to my other young adults, her reply was we can't control the media but we can control our reporting so I asked if they dont report my sons case and guess what They did , never trust what they say x

Blue Sky

You are right about this being unfair. The Lincolnshire police now have an officer whose only job is to help the families and this could and should be replicated by other forces.

Maybe people should start by writing to their local police and crime commissioners, or to the chief constables of their local police, telling them what Lincolnshre are doing and asking for the same thing in their area?

Lee2.0

This is the Indirect Victim Support officer, so he is not a part of the team who are conducting the investigation, even if he is part of the same police force.

I get where you are coming from, but all of the professionals that we talk to, can only offer limited confidentialty. If a NOP were to say something that indicated they knew a crime had been committed, then the professionals, GP, social worker, even LFF, would have a duty to pass that info on to the police.

The police here told me that they would only pass info to media if he got 12 months plus x

Hi all,

From reading this thread I can see this has caused some upset and concern around some police forces sharing identifiable information on their social media pages about those who have committed sexual offences. Whilst we understand that this is worrying, unfortunately LFF cannot intervene to prevent this. This is entirely dependent on the police force and their policies. It might be that only certain police forces share such information as the individual may be of high risk and to alert the public if there are lots of children around in the neighbourhood, or it could be that these offences are prevalent in the area so they want to notify as many people as possible to ensure public protection. I appreciate that this is not the answer you want to hear. If you are concerned about a loved one’s information being shared, then it would be worth notifying the police force themselves so that they are aware. This won’t guarantee that they will stop doing this or will remove this, but it might be worth a try.


I hope you have found this information helpful.

Take care,

Lucy

Hi Rainy day



yes massive impact .... it made our move to another country inevitable. Me and him separated a minute after the knock. A year later me and the children are still in essence homeless and me and the children still sharing a bedroom and living in boxes ...



I do have a number of issues with the police but it is around what they should have told me on lots of matters. His confidentiality was prioritised over children. They gave me incorrect support and advice and they made mistakes on his crimes.

but... they had to do the exposure (I always knew they would so I was shocked when judge said no)... it was in the public interest. His role... his career, his hobbies .... all in the public interest And what I read in the hundreds and hundreds of comments made me think further charges would come. To be honest nothing would surprise me about him.

I had been told his new address would be listed on paperwork so I thought if publicity came it would be there. But it wasnt.

But .... it meant we couldn't live in the town.... he was too well known so we started the journey to a new life. The kids said to someone yesterday their dad left and they had to live and they hate their new country. But they then talked about al teh things they had gained



so ... we don't have a house, we miss our friends, we left everything (moved with a car load), we couldn't sell anything as the address was listed so we did lots of good deeds by giving most things away and sending to the skip... but ... I can breathe. I can walk around a park and shop not worrying who I would meet, who would avoid me, who would smile.... he was well known... so the media, decided the next steps

It wasn't just the crime ... with my ex (but his was on the worst category of offences and guidelines)

I am in their pages and people have done similar or worse, but he was so well known ... and his job .... meant the police needed to cover if there were other victims

I still follow the pages and no one has had anywhere near the amount of comments/ shares since.

And a year later....

nearly to the day... back in the media due to updates... I did say nothing would surprise me....

Deep breaths ......

Oh darling, that is so so horrid. Hugs to you and I hope the deep breaths work



xx