Family and Friends Forum

Shortly before my husband was sentenced in 2021 for image offences we attended a family wedding 200 miles away from our home, the majority of family stayed in the hotel one of which was my husband's 35 year old autistic but very able daughter (from a previous marriage). On the night of the wedding my husband took her back to her room and made sure she was okay before returning to the reception, this was nothing unusual as she is and has always been very close to her Dad. After his sentencing I heard a rumour that a close family member on my side had suggested it was totally inappropriate for him to take his daughter back to her hotel room and "anything" could have happened. We were both stunned by this suggestion, his daughter is 35 years of age but obviously still classed as vulnerable! It has never bothered me before that she is very appropriately affectionate to her Dad but today we were out having some lunch in an open air tea room. The whole time we were there they sat holding hands and each kissed each others hand quite a few times, I didn't say anything at the time (she doesn't live with us but see's us both together once every 2 weeks). When we got home I told my husband I didn't think it was appropriate for them to be so affectionate in public and given his history it could be misconstrued especially after the wedding comments. It led to a discussion between us with him saying it had never caused any problems in the past so why now. I am not sure which one of us is being unreasonable, I have already made it categorically clear to him he has my full support however I do not want to have to go through SS involvement again or any other investigation by police etc. He himself has done so well in moving forward and has worked so hard to demonstrate he is not the person he has been made out to be. I don't know who could be watching him still as his daughter lives very near to the tea room and I know staff from the organization she resides with who are aware of his conviction also frequent this tea room. His daughter has no understanding of the complexity of the situation we have been through nor does she have any awareness of his offence. Am I the unreasonable one, am I being paranoid and should I be discouraging this PDA between them. His ex wife had at the time involved SS which resulted in safeguarding meetings for his daughter whilst at the same time we were also having safeguarding meetings for our granddaughter with another authority. We are as I said earlier 18 months post sentencing, whilst things are so much better I know like many this situation will be with me for life, I just feel I cannot take any more stress from the authorities but any advice from "The no one wants to be in Club" would be extremely appreciated. Thank you all for reading.

Katie x

Thank you Daffodil and Bitterbean, your replies mean a lot. I think one of the hardest things to overcome is something I was taught/advised about in my CBT that we can control our own thoughts and actions but we can't control others, I think this lack of control with others has increased my anxiety about how my husband behaves in public, I would love to shout and scream from the rooftops he is not the person he has been made out to be but a kind and loving husband, father and grandfather. I think we need to set some ground rules for when we go out so as not to draw any attention to himself, at the time of his plea hearing and subsequent sentence his picture was splashed all over our local press and neighboring towns, I know I am being over sensitive but I can't help feeling everyone knows who he is when we are out and there are some just waiting for an opportunity to trip him up. Apart from this and the usual family conspirators things are so much better now and some degree of normality has returned to our lives. I continue to pray each night for everyone on this forum, believers or not they get my prayers. Xx