Family and Friends Forum

I agree with you I feel the same it's put me off coming on here I understand everyone has their own opinion about it but I wonder if some are still bitter or haven't learned to cope with what has happened with unresolved trauma of it. I know if I had a strong opinion on something I usually tend to be mindful of everyone when I speak online because I never know what someone else is going through. I think trying not to take it personal is the way to deal with it and definitely having breaks from here is good as I was advised by on the helpline. X

Very rarely I am upset by comments made on the forum. But can see where you are coming from x

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Hi, I agree about the judgemental posts, it's
not even always just about the crime or whether to stay or leave, it's people who have been there, done that and got the T-shirt, and think their story or their opinion is the only one, the 'right one' and everyone else must be wrong befire it didn't happen that way for them!
It's one reason why I stopped coming on and posting months ago.
please let's get back to how it was and support each other regardless of stages or choices or options.
we are lonely enough in this horrible journey as it is and everyone should be supportive and there for each other x

Totally agree I've had to stop coming on here because if I read all of it, it sets my anxiety off and makes me feel like I should of left and not supported my oh as if what I've done is being judged. We're coming up to two years of knock and 6 months past sentencing. I need advice at times but actually to scared to post anymore because either get no help or judgemental replies which I get face to face from authorities involved that would of preferred me to leave so really don't want that

I echo the disdain of coming here much anymore, perhaps not entirely for the same reasons everyone else has.

I've called out judgemental behaviour in the past as in my opinion I think whatever stance a person comes here with is one which should be supported by the rest. You want to stand by your partner? Here's some advice to help. You hate him and think he's an a-hole? We'll tell you he is too. Often in the case of partners there's a whole relationship dynamic to consider along with the (alleged in some cases) crime which also come into play in a decision. Sometimes there is a need to offer advice or an opinion which that person may not want to hear but if it's done nicely and with purpose then there's no problem with that. I don't think I've ever seen anyone come to this forum where they minimise the actions of their person or disregard these crimes. Every individual is different, every journey is different, every case is different but one thing remains the same and that is we go through hell, often alone and need a place where we can talk about whatever we want with no judgement or problems.

It's absolutely changed around here.. I haven't been coming on as much either.

I think a lot of people have into private messages - which is great for the support but it's changed the feel of the forum.

I don't think I have seen anyone post that all offenders should be locked up and key thrown away talking about our people but i know I have seen it in reference to "that's what people outside of our situation can think/say" because they don't understand the complexity of offences and offenders.



there is a huge amount of knowledge, support, empathy on here, it would be a real shame if that doesn't continue

I speak negatively about my ex partner, but in no way am I saying this his behaviour and offence applies to all other men..

for me I've wanted to try to balance taking a break from the whole bloody situation - by not coming on here so much, but then I also feel I want to see what others are going through - and see if there is anything I can add to this community. We are in fact, all alone and this is the only community that really knows what we are going through.

Dear Forum Users,



First of all, we wanted to thank you for sharing your honest opinion about the general atmosphere of the forum recently and how this has impacted your engagement with it. This is really helpful for us to hear. We also understand it can sometimes to be difficult to speak up about things that you might find upsetting on a public forum such as this.



As you have rightly pointed out, some forum users are very upset and angry about their situation and for many users this is one of the few places they can come to get that off their chest. Often if we feel a post may not be in the best interests of the other forum users, we will reach out to that person privately. However, we would like to take this opportunity to publicly remind everyone of the forum agreement that states posters need to be mindful of how their posts may impact other forum users. We in no way want to discourage people from sharing their experiences and how they feel about those experiences, but sometimes it is simply a case of being mindful about how that is expressed. The language and tone used can drastically affect how other forum users read that post, and how that then makes them feel.



We hope this has reassured and reminded you of the importance of maintaining a supportive atmosphere on the forum. If anyone would like to discuss this or any other posts that have affected them, you are always welcome to reach out to us.

Kind regards,

The Forum Team

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I am just speaking for myself, we have ended up here because of what our loved ones have done, so I can honestly say I have been there got the tshirt but if it wasn't for the members, the people who have given me so much helpful advice I have no idea where I would be now, I read so many posts before I had the courage to post, yet 3 years later I am still here and I am truly grateful, I have made some amazing women who are strong, but more importantly none judgemental, it's a journey of uncertainty, it's the most loneliest of journeys , but here we are a community of understanding, if you choose to stay or leave that is your own individual choice, so we know society like to label our loved ones as monsters I'm not even going to say that word, but you know what word I am referring to, my son is a good person, its not an excuse, he is the baby I brought in to the world, watched him grow, watched him disappear in himself, but he wouldn't open up and talk to me, and so we find ourselves here, and I wear the tshirt every day, my son is a sex offender, but he is my son so I will always be there by his side walking this journey BUT that is my choice, and mine alone x

Bitterbean, yes yes yes, if these images and material are identifiable, trackable and traceable etc, then why on earth are they just not deleted/destroyed??!! Just. Get. Rid. Of. It.

Upset mum. I feel so for you and am in the same position. Strength to you