3 years on
Notifications OFF
It's almost 3 years since the knock and still RuI. No charges, no court date. I worry how the children have grown in that time and how much worse it will be now they are older, if anything gets out and how their childhoods have been affected by me living under this cloud.
I can't imagine what it would feel like to feel normal again and not anxious. We are no further along than day 1.
I can't imagine what it would feel like to feel normal again and not anxious. We are no further along than day 1.
Holy cow, that's awful!! You poor poor thing.
Not even a 2nd interview??
sending you strength and serenity
x
Not even a 2nd interview??
sending you strength and serenity
x
Oh my goodness, you must be living in either torment, or in a perpetual state of 'vitual reality'. This limbo enforced on us is utterly cruel - I call it a 'pre-sentence sentence' and is a form of torture that is entirely unique to this type of offending. It's horrific.
Our case actually progressed really quickly - seven months from arrest to sentence. He's now one-third of the way through a prison sentence - which is actually significantly more of a punishment for me than him even though I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. He can hide away and has zero responsibilities - they have all been piled on me to somehow magically deal with (financial, practical, logistical, emotional, keeping secrets, telling lies, losing so much) while I'm left to face the world and live the experience of the enormous trauma he's inflicted on so many people.
I feel there are actually pros and cons to both fast and delayed sentencing - although neither is of course 'good'!!! I hope your case comes to nothing, and you can get back to 'normal'. Or if it does go to to court, you'll have theadvantage of being able to prove he's lived a clean, healthy, law-abiding life for a significant amount of time since arrest.
How I wish for a magic wand to make this go away for all of us...
Our case actually progressed really quickly - seven months from arrest to sentence. He's now one-third of the way through a prison sentence - which is actually significantly more of a punishment for me than him even though I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. He can hide away and has zero responsibilities - they have all been piled on me to somehow magically deal with (financial, practical, logistical, emotional, keeping secrets, telling lies, losing so much) while I'm left to face the world and live the experience of the enormous trauma he's inflicted on so many people.
I feel there are actually pros and cons to both fast and delayed sentencing - although neither is of course 'good'!!! I hope your case comes to nothing, and you can get back to 'normal'. Or if it does go to to court, you'll have theadvantage of being able to prove he's lived a clean, healthy, law-abiding life for a significant amount of time since arrest.
How I wish for a magic wand to make this go away for all of us...
I remember saying to my boss that it could be years. He was one of the few people I told.
it wasn't. Very quick. Not sure what is better or not for lots of reasons. I hope that you are being kind to yourself as we all need that stance facing this situation.
it wasn't. Very quick. Not sure what is better or not for lots of reasons. I hope that you are being kind to yourself as we all need that stance facing this situation.
Thank you all for your kind words and support. I come on here regularly but don't post very often.
There was a second interview in November. We aren't together anymore so I have no more information on that other than it happened. I still care about him and want the best for him as the father of my children. It's a communication offence. He is allowed to see the children unsupervised now and has been that way for 18 months.
There was a second interview in November. We aren't together anymore so I have no more information on that other than it happened. I still care about him and want the best for him as the father of my children. It's a communication offence. He is allowed to see the children unsupervised now and has been that way for 18 months.
I agree with that in tatters, when it does come to court, surely it will help to show he's lived normally since. , but who knows if that will help the sentence.
3 years! I genuinely thought I'd be reading a post about 'life after'. I can really relate to forgetting how to live normal and not feel anxious, I'm about 18 months into this with my partner in prison (served coming up to 14 months) and I feel like I've forgotten what normal feels like.
I really hope this is over for you all soon and time and opportunity to 'prove himself' is advantage and you can all move onto the next chapter. I feel so sad for those with children on this journey and of course the children, it must be incredibly confusing for them.
I really hope this is over for you all soon and time and opportunity to 'prove himself' is advantage and you can all move onto the next chapter. I feel so sad for those with children on this journey and of course the children, it must be incredibly confusing for them.
That's so tough. We are about 6 months post knock and the 3rd bail extension is up at the end of the month but who knows whether anything will change.
Can I ask how you went about getting unsupervised contact? Did that happen after it went RUI because bail conditions ceased?
Can I ask how you went about getting unsupervised contact? Did that happen after it went RUI because bail conditions ceased?
3 years?! How utterly unfair and unnecessary. Big hugs to you my dear, how cruel of them to drag you and your family for so long.
Inthemoment, we could only get unsupervised contact after sentence. Since being RUI does not prove guilty or not and the extent of the problem, SS has to cover themselves by not allowing the kids being unsupervised until last word from the police and court comes over.
What you can do is be as cooperative in the Child plans and aim for at least full supervised contact and not just few hours.
Inthemoment, we could only get unsupervised contact after sentence. Since being RUI does not prove guilty or not and the extent of the problem, SS has to cover themselves by not allowing the kids being unsupervised until last word from the police and court comes over.
What you can do is be as cooperative in the Child plans and aim for at least full supervised contact and not just few hours.
That's disgraceful! Can't tell me that everyone in your area has been waiting that long! You're doing amazing xx
That's disgraceful! Can't tell me that everyone in your area has been waiting that long! You're doing amazing xx
Thank you all. In the moment yes it was after it went from bail to RUI. I spoke to police, and to children's services. Police said nothing to do with them as there is no conditions. I spoke to the social worker that did the section 47, which originally said I had to supervise, and she agreed to unsupervised.
Thanks T2021, it's interesting how differently all local authorities work with contact arrangements. Appreciate the feedback hugely! We're not currently on a plan and have unlimited supervised contact so will not rock the boat ATM, ut if RUI ever comes along it may be an opportunity to revisit, especially the living at home part
Really hope you get some answers one way or another soon so that your limbo can end (and hope it's as good as possible a result for you and your children)
Really hope you get some answers one way or another soon so that your limbo can end (and hope it's as good as possible a result for you and your children)
Three years! That's awful, I'm so sorry. We're 8 months post knock and I'm sick of being in limbo, it's hard to imagine another 2.5 years of it. My person has been RUI from the beginning and currently only allowed supervised contact, I've read some things on here like yours making me wonder if I should have supported him asking for unsupervised contact but I couldn't face the battle.
*hugs* and sympathies to you, I hope they don't keep you waiting too much longer, that's utterly ridiculous.
*hugs* and sympathies to you, I hope they don't keep you waiting too much longer, that's utterly ridiculous.