And Then It All Kicked Off!!
Notifications OFF
It's been 8 weeks since the Knock. At the time I kicked my OH out and for a few weeks I tried getting on with my life alone. But as the weeks went by I found that I missed him so started texting and phoning. My youngest son still lives at home so have been doing this without him or my other lad knowing. But I have felt like a prisoner in my own home doing what they wanted me to do and not what I wanted.
Today I plucked up the courage and told the youngest that I was going to meet my OH. I went to his flat and we were having a lovely afternoon. I was asking questions and getting truthful answers. Then my phone rang and it was the eldest lad and when I told him where I was it all kicked off. He was livid. Threatened to expose what my OH had done and wouldn't listen to my point of view .
That spoilt it as it now comes down to not what I want to do but what they want me to do. I deserve a choice but what a choice to have to make. Family or him? I feel like I'm being bullied. I know they are trying to protect me but I would like a say in it.
Today I plucked up the courage and told the youngest that I was going to meet my OH. I went to his flat and we were having a lovely afternoon. I was asking questions and getting truthful answers. Then my phone rang and it was the eldest lad and when I told him where I was it all kicked off. He was livid. Threatened to expose what my OH had done and wouldn't listen to my point of view .
That spoilt it as it now comes down to not what I want to do but what they want me to do. I deserve a choice but what a choice to have to make. Family or him? I feel like I'm being bullied. I know they are trying to protect me but I would like a say in it.
How utterly tiresome and difficult for you. I am so sorry.
have you ever been able to have a rational discussion with elder son about this?
it seems unfair that he's trying to control what you do when he doesn't live at home..
hugs xx
have you ever been able to have a rational discussion with elder son about this?
it seems unfair that he's trying to control what you do when he doesn't live at home..
hugs xx
K4 he just sees it in black and white. My OH has committed such a horrible crime and I need to distance myself from him. They both think that if we stay in touch further down the line I will want him back. It would just suit us both now to stay as friends. But it's looking as if that would upset too many others.
I can understand exactly how you feel. People do judge these relationships in black and white but it's really not like that is it?
Not much to offer except a hug x
Not much to offer except a hug x
You're very early in the process and I suppose you have to give your children time to understand that their dad is also a human who needs support.
but also that you're an autonomous human too!!
I hope someone on here with adult children is able to give you some more specific guidance.
thinking of you x
but also that you're an autonomous human too!!
I hope someone on here with adult children is able to give you some more specific guidance.
thinking of you x
Post deleted
I can feel the turmoil in that post bless you . You sound helmed in and you might need some space from everyone to give you breathing room to think .noone said you had to make a decision now . Take your time and get your side of the story out when your ready. Get to say your piece to everyone and go with your gut xx
I dont know if this helps. My eldest would not speak to my OH when he came back from being on remand. It took months before he would even be in the same room. Birthdays we went out minus my OH and no meals all together. Then one day they were talking about football, the world cup. I suddenly realised that he was in the room and talking to my OH. Things are not like they were. I am sure my children would prefer him not to be here. But we do not have the money for him to move out. So perhaps your kids just need a little time.
Eight weeks is such a small amount of time.
Eight weeks is such a small amount of time.
No word since yesterday from the eldest and I'm not going to call him. Here's hoping his threats don't come to anything!!
Many thanks to those that have replied. My life is in turmoil at the moment as are yours. When does the crying stop??
Many thanks to those that have replied. My life is in turmoil at the moment as are yours. When does the crying stop??
Oh Dobster, have you been to your GP? I went on antidepressants two weeks after the knock.
the crying still happens from time to time but the *tears just below the surface and bawling whenever on my own* stage was over within 6 weeks of going on the drugs.
(I am 8 months in)
x
the crying still happens from time to time but the *tears just below the surface and bawling whenever on my own* stage was over within 6 weeks of going on the drugs.
(I am 8 months in)
x
K4 on Anti Depressants but after yesterday am on a downer.
Dobster. What i forgot to mention is that my children will now sit down for a family meal together. Hoping your eldest will come around. Ie what seemed impossible at the knock has improved.
Like you are in shock so is your son.
sending hugs. X
Like you are in shock so is your son.
sending hugs. X