Family and Friends Forum

Hello everyone,

I never thought I'd be spending my Sunday afternoon posting here, but here I am.

I don't have any specific questions, but I also don't have many places to turn to to talk about how I feel right now, so I hope it's ok the just emotionally vomit over all of you.

I'm a single mother, daughter 14, and for the past six months I have been dating a man, who up until yesterday I would have described as wonderful. We clicked so well, agreed on so much, really understood each other, laughed non-stop. I have dated quite a bit since my divorce, and he was really head and shoulders above everyone else I had encountered. Decent, respectful, kind, considerate, knew how to listen and was also a single parent - I felt genuinely seen and loved in a way I hadn't before.

Yester day he came round to tell me that when he lived abroad, he was caught with indecent images of children, was fined, and now he has moved here has four years on the SOR. I was utterly floored. We spent hours talking about it, and he explained about his porn addiction, what happened and the fact that the police will be in contact with me.

I am still realling from this experience. I understand from reading online that porn addiction and being attracted to children are not the same thing. I've helped him find a solisitor here because we have a different legal system and I want to make sure he is getting the right info ect... I was scared yesterday that he might attempt suicide so we've put a suicide plan together.

I've let him know that at this moment I need space. I have told one friend who is great at keeping secrets, but I darent tell anyone else about this. I'm waiting for the police to get in contact so I can see if the information they hold on his offenses tally up with what he has told me.

I feel in totally shock. I don't know what I am meant to do, how I am meant to react. There were no red flags, I knew he was vulnerable, but nothing hinted at this.

So that's me, I'm not sure what I'm looking for right now from the forum, but I did need to just tell people, and maybe here from others who have been through the same?

Many thanks

Thanks for replying, and nice to meet you!

Thanks also for your kind words about the suicide plan. I happen to work in mental health and at the begining of the year we did a lot of work around suicide, and talking about it etc... I never thought that I would be putting it into practice in my life so soon. I've got him to text me every morning and evening so I know he's not killed himself.

I spoke to the Stop It Now helpline yesterday - just hearing people who take this information in their stride and don't judge was really great. I'm guessing they are going to be few and far between, so I feel grateful for those who are able to manage that.

It's also nice to know that I can reach out to people here. It really does help me feel less alone with all of this. I expect I'm going to be here a lot over the next few months.