Family and Friends Forum

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2546 posts

Posted Mon June 5, 2023 3:52amReport post

Last night I watched a crime programme - a comment hit the nail right on the head for me as innocent family victims were spoke about.

She said the family go into a kind of mourning when a loved one is found guilty - they mourn the person that they 'had' in their life.

I just thought this was SO true, even if you continue to love/standby a person it's just not the same person as you once had.

can you see what I mean?

Edited Mon June 5, 2023 3:53am

K4

Member since
October 2022

611 posts

Posted Mon June 5, 2023 6:38amReport post

When I am having a bad day, I often listen to Griefcast - a podcast about grief. I have found that so many of its lessons apply to my situation.



you're absolutely right



x

Deedee86

Member since
April 2023

54 posts

Posted Mon June 5, 2023 7:53amReport post

Absolutely,

one of of the hardest parts of this is trying to reconcile the person you love/loved and the accusation/proof of these offences.

it is so so hard. X

Windchimes

Member since
May 2023

15 posts

Posted Mon June 5, 2023 9:04amReport post

This was one of the first things my husband said to me when we found out about my person. It really hit home and is so very true.

I think knowing that it is so similar has helped me to process this. I've seen it referenced here before that it's like mourning without a body. Mourning for the lives we once had and for the could haves, and should haves. It doesn't take away from the pain of that but it helps me to understand how I'm feeling a little.

EA

Member since
August 2022

122 posts

Posted Mon June 5, 2023 9:53amReport post

I think for me as well its alot about the loss of the person I was too. The hope I had. The future I thought we would have as a family.. the trust. Its a lot of loss and it really is about grieving that. That's not to say a life and future etc isn't possible but it will never be that one you had imagined.

Distressed and pregnant

Member since
November 2020

996 posts

Posted Mon June 5, 2023 10:51amReport post

I absolutely agree with everything said so far in this post. I think it's one of the main reasons that we all need to be mindful when posting within this forum and also understanding of the stage of grief others are in. According to a quick search there are 14 stages of grief which include, anger, depression, anxiety, guilt, denial, bargaining, acceptance and hope. Recognising that we all process things according to where we are emotionally is so important in supporting each other on here. We are a diverse community of people, none of us condone or excuse our people's behaviour and we all respect each other's decisions to either cut all ties or stay connected to provide some sort of support to our people. As always sending love and strength to each of you xxx

Newlady

Member since
April 2021

644 posts

Posted Mon June 5, 2023 1:22pmReport post

Yes ! Exactly this at the start and still does feel like I'm mourning my past amazing life with him .plus I lost my sister 6 weeks B4 knock so It felt like I lost the two most important people in my life . It was horrendous but got through it and we all will eventually. There's a light at end of the tunnel xx