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A year in limbo

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Mabel

Member since
June 2019

208 posts

Posted Wed June 12, 2019 9:52amReport post

I was just wondering if anyone has waited a year for any thing to happen? My partner was arrested a year ago this month by a vigilante group in a town a long way from where we live. He was released under investigation with no conditions at all.

The poloce came that night and took our devices. My partner assures me thereis nothing on any of the devices, which I do believe. He was not looking at pictures but was in a chat room.

I just wondered if its usual to wait a year with no word from the police or not getting our devices back?

Also would the court case be in the town he was arrested? Our solicitor can’t say but I just wondered if there is anyone with a similar story?

thanks

Mabel x

nicenana

Member since
March 2019

243 posts

Posted Wed June 12, 2019 11:18pmReport post

Hi

My sons case took five months but I’m told that was very unusual to get it dealt with so quick. I’ve read on here that a year is not that unusual. That said, I’ve also read that there is usually an officer you can ring to get an update. The hold up is likely to be a back log waiting for devices to be checked. That’s as much as I know but I’m sure others who have more knowledge will answer your post with more information x

Sillyac

Member since
June 2019

56 posts

Posted Thu June 13, 2019 6:32amReport post

Hi Mabel

Im not sure if you have seen, but my ex-husband got arrested in August 2017 at his place of work and the case is still ongoing. Although with CPS again now to make a charging decision.

The waiting is awful. I know I’m no longer married to him, but whatever happened, happened during a time we were still “happily married”

I have only very recently been informed of what has been put forward to CPS and have been told, the same as many other, that it’s another waiting game.

I’m sorry you’re also going through this, but you will get through it. We all have dark days, however I try my best to find a positive in each day...

Sending you positive thoughts



Sillyac

Jayne G

Member since
March 2019

125 posts

Posted Thu June 13, 2019 8:52amReport post

Hi Mabel,

It's rotten, but I'm led to believe that a year or more is normal. When my partner was arrested, the police said it was likely to be 9 months or so before anything would happen; the solicitor then advised that if the police are saying 9 months, it's more likely to be around a year. In our case, this hasn't happened and it's all been very confusing. My partner was arrested three months ago (to the day) and his bail was extended to 12 weeks, supposedly to put some onus on the forensics teams to get things done quicker. The 12 weeks have come and gone and his bail has been re-extended, this time approved by magistrates, so they have to have things completed by December, so we should have an outcome by then. (Could make for an interesting Christmas...). The bail extensions have been horrendous and panic-inducing, but the positive part of me says at least we have an idea of when things should be over, whatever "over" looks like. Xx

Mabel

Member since
June 2019

208 posts

Posted Thu June 13, 2019 12:35pmReport post

Hi

thank you everyone for your replies and words of kind encouragement.

I feel for you Sillyac, waiting so long tho I’m not really surprised. You seem to be so positive despite this wait.

I guess we will just have to keep on carrying on like we are doing, trying to live our lives as normally as we can.

Mabel x

Sillyac

Member since
June 2019

56 posts

Posted Thu June 13, 2019 5:26pmReport post

Hi Mabel,

I try my best to be positive as if and when I’m down in the dumps, my children pick up on it. Life has been very difficult. Myself, my now ex-husband and his new wife who he had an affair with all work for the same company. Luckily in different buildings, but since finding out what has gone to the CPS I am getting g anxiety attacks a dozen.

As anyone knows, it is far from easy to find a job that fits with children and childcare/schools so I’m just focusing on my job to get paid and being a Mum. And a Dad in some respects. I do not find any day easy, but some easier than others. It’s all the thoughts that run through my head I struggle with. People not knowing your situation when you’re feeling down is very hard isn’t it.

I know I’ve gone this long and hopefully the final stretch won’t be as long as this. I remember marking 5 weeks, 11 weeks, etc etc. I have my first drs appointment tomorrow and know I will break down. I last went when my husband first left us, before even knowing about his affair etc, so have no idea where to start.

It’s a long road, but we are strong and we can do it. And we will get through it. All of us. I asked and asked for advice with very little information, with no joy. Then someone I know has a partner in the Police, so I asked them bravely. They directed me here a couple weeks ago now and my goodness have you all helped.

The uncertainty of what will happen, if anything, is the most frustrating. I just want to start life over with my daughters. They deserve much better than all this going on.

thank you x

Mabel

Member since
June 2019

208 posts

Posted Tue June 18, 2019 7:07pmReport post

Hi again Sillyac

Thanks for your reply.

I just wondered how you know it’s with the cps now? Do you have updates from police? Our solicitor has advised us to not ring the police or ask them anything so I haven’t been in contact with them, but I would love to know where we are with the investigation.

Yes the uncertainty is just so terrible. I have found it really helps me to just think and concentrate on each day as it comes and not think about the future. It hard as I always liked to plan things in advance, but I just can’t now.

2 years is such a long time for you! Did they take any of your devices? They have all ours and our camera. I think one delay is apparently they have so many devices to check.

Well I think we are all amazing strong women on this forum, getting on in these truly testing times in our lives, none of us deserved this.

Mabel x

Mabel

Member since
June 2019

208 posts

Posted Tue June 18, 2019 7:11pmReport post

Ps

I forgot to say that I hope you got on ok at the Dr’s.

Mabel

Sillyac

Member since
June 2019

56 posts

Posted Tue June 18, 2019 7:36pmReport post

Hi Mabel

How are you doing?

After finding out he had got arrested, I contacted 101 and explained my relationship to him with having the children. I never thought it would be anything like this, but wanted to know obviously...

The following week an officer rang me and confirmed they had a laptop of mine (ex had taken it without me knowing and I’d realised)

All they told me at the time was that he had been advised to have supervised contact with children and he was under investigation.

My ex told me he didn’t have a phone etc so would have to contact via his gf’s phone.

From then on in, I contacted a few times and ended up with the officers email address and every month ish emailed for an update.

I know there is something on my laptop, but don’t know what.

Then in March this year they called me in to make a statement.

Looking at the devices takes ages depending what they’re looking for.

I really hope the timeline improves for everyone as it’s so difficult. I cannot put myself in anyone else’s shoes, those that were home with their partners when getting a knock at the door etc. I only know how difficult it has been for me and my children and can only imagine how difficult it is for you all...

The selfishness of some are unbelievable. We live this nightmare, but in my ex husbands case, he has carried on with his life.

Even got re-married.....

Unfortunately, innocent until proven guilty. All of the lies he has told makes me believe he has done something ????

Cristina

Member since
June 2019

9 posts

Posted Wed June 19, 2019 10:31amReport post

Hello Mabel,

unfortunately these things can take a very long time. I was told to expect up to two years. It took the police 15 months to finish looking at our devices because the case was not a priority and it kept being pushed back. Even if there is nothing on the devices, they will probably want to do a forensic examination just in case. Once it was our turn for the devices to be looked at we were told they were going to examine them. Within two weeks they had finished and we were told what the charges were.

I don't think there is anything wrong with contacting the police every now and again to ask how long it will be. We never got a clear answer when we did though, they just said "you are number ... in the queue" and it could take three more months.... In the end it took 15!

Regarding which court it will go to, surely the police could tell you that?

Sophie mcg

Member since
June 2019

1 post

Posted Wed June 19, 2019 1:11pmReport post

So sad to hear all this pain and waiting we have .

I to have been waiting for my fathers outcome it's Been 2 years under investigation.

Does that mean there not much to go from the polices side ? X



D

Cristina

Member since
June 2019

9 posts

Posted Wed June 19, 2019 5:21pmReport post

I hope in your dad's case it means they have not much to go on.... in our case unfortunately they found quite a few pictures in the end, but it just took them a long time ...

Evie

Member since
May 2019

59 posts

Posted Thu June 20, 2019 10:57pmReport post

My dads case also took two years and he ended up with a suspended sentence! No cumminity service or anything he just has to go and see his probation officer x

Stardust

Member since
November 2018

54 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 8:01pmReport post

Hi been left in limbo is so hard on everyone. Its ridiculous they do not think about the reat of the family or kids that are also affected by this. I am also coming up to a yr. It is apparently back with the cps but we shall see. They shouldn't be allowed to drag it out like this making everyone suffer they would not treat an animal like it xx

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Mon June 24, 2019 5:24pmReport post

I am 7 months in and also in limbo but life is a lot more settled than the early days. I am genuinely getting into a nice routine with my daughter. She sees her dad consistently twice a week.

I am also anxious about the court process but knowing I am currently independently and re discovering myself helps.

i am separated from my husband and life is okay. He is now engaging in therapy and the shock of the arrest woke him up to get professional help. So in this way I am pleased.

Keep going everyone.



one day at a time. Xxx

Becky

Member since
May 2019

48 posts

Posted Mon June 24, 2019 9:43pmReport post

I am totally different to everyone else. I am 7 weeks post knock and hes case is already with the cps and the police have said that charging should be done next week. Im not sure if this is a good thing or not as i do not feel no where near ready to deal with the case or the press publishing it yet....the plice have said from charging to sentencing court date im looking at 8 weeks roughly this aeems to be far to quick for me to deal with everything and is certainly not enough time to move me and my children.....

SallyBlue

Member since
March 2019

268 posts

Posted Mon June 24, 2019 10:42pmReport post

Hi Mabel, we were told it could be 18 months. Less if a guilty plea was made. My husbands case took 6 months from arrest to imprisonment. That included entering his plea, sentencing then a deferred sentencing. His was pushed through quickly as he was in a nursing position they said. The quicker he was sentenced the quicker his employer could terminate his contract.

Mabel

Member since
June 2019

208 posts

Posted Tue June 25, 2019 1:40pmReport post

Hi Becky

I think it depends on the area you live in, from what I can gather, how busy they are. I think in our area Essex they are very busy! Also my partner was caught by a vigilante group and again that seems to take longer rather than if the police catch them.

Try to be very kind to yourself, it so early days.

Mabel x

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Tue June 25, 2019 8:27pmReport post

Sally blue,



your post was hard to read, that they rushed it through to terminate his contract. How is your husband doing now?

the police said they are rushing my partners through because of the impact on his mental health but it’s still been seven months.

it all makes me so uncomfortable the offence is so stigmatised how on earth do people come back from it and rebuild their lives. The limbo is excruciating as it’s the waiting for judgment and that’s intense.



all the best ladies look after yourselves

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Tue June 25, 2019 8:29pmReport post

Becky I can see your position too as in the early weeks just navigating the shock is huge. Love to you and your family xxx

Becky

Member since
May 2019

48 posts

Posted Wed June 26, 2019 10:24amReport post

Thabks for the support everyone really apreciate it i believe they are trying to rush it through now as he has just begun chemo treatment wich will be very intense for 6 months. It is early days still maybe i would be glad if it does all done with quickly so i dont have it lingering over me however at same time not too quick i feel like i need to prepare my famuly better xx

Dottie

Member since
June 2019

236 posts

Posted Sun June 30, 2019 2:58pmReport post

Becky

Oh my word I feel for you. So you had to come to terms with your partner having cancer and then on top of that this horrendous situation. The waiting is so very hard, maybe in the long run the speeding up of the process will help, I really do hope so for you.

I wish you and your family the best outcome possible. Sending virtual hug. Xx