Family and Friends Forum

EA you're not alone. I thought mine had been open and honest but later found out it wasn't the case. He too couldn't remember the conversation ever taking place but once I went through the paperwork I knew I'd been kept in the dark. He said it was because he couldn't remember and everything said during the interview was a blur. I can't understand that but he later did admit he was so shamed of what he'd said during that chat with the decoy. He couldn't face talking about it. It was so humiliating as well as his need to not hurt me further. I can't understand that because I was hurting more than I have ever experienced so how could not being open save me from hurt? Having said that, men behave in strange ways. If they didn't then this place would be full of hurting men telling us how their female partners have distroyed their lives. Sadly, here we are, wives,girlfriends and mothers who have all be so badly let down by our loved ones.
stay strong. X

Rigg; I can't still quite get over the fact that this is all men. I just didn't think men and women were that different but being here shows me that they are.

EA: in the inform course they spoke about how memory loss is a trauma response. He knows what happened was bad so his brain won't let him remember



My person also struggles to talk about it, but StopSo counselling is definitely helping. As is the inform course.



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Rigg; I can't still quite get over the fact that this is all men. I just didn't think men and women were that different but being here shows me that they are.

EA: in the inform course they spoke about how memory loss is a trauma response. He knows what happened was bad so his brain won't let him remember



My person also struggles to talk about it, but StopSo counselling is definitely helping. As is the inform course.



x

EA.

Yes my oh didn't remember but gave police a full blown statement on questioning. He admitted to me as soon as he got back but couldn't answer many questions it ended up being a gradual thing of getting information but he was also put on sertraline and it just made him someone completely different he didn't care even though he was trying. Now his off them his alot more open

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K4; I'm not judging but some of the reasons given by offending persons (partners)I've read here and also what my person said confuse me.
Mine was out of "boredom". I just don't get it. I've been bored s***-less over the years but never ever turned to chat rooms or speaking to decoys.
I've sat on the sofa on a Friday/Saturday night and watched my OH fall asleep and thought "great! What a lovely start to my weekend". There's been plenty of times when I've felt I should be having fun, going out for meals, meeting friends etc. but excepted things as they were and even felt sorry for OH who I believed was working very hard. I think the chatrooms must have been extremely exhausting (sarcasm).
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Rigg: very much agree. It feels like my person was unable to deal with the shitty bits of being a grown up. Plus some messed up early experiences of relationships. But show me someone who hasn't some combination of shit happening in their life and some hang ups about sex???



inform course helped me understand motives too (thank you LFF) but I agree that lots of it is just stuff I put up with (bored! Stressed by work! etc).



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