Family and Friends Forum

I feel like I'm being pulled from all sides. My friends want me to leave my OH due to this and the fact he's cheated, one friend says this is my chance for a fresh new start (as if it's something nice that's happened that I should embrace). My family wants better for me but understands it's not black and white. His family are burying their heads in the sands over what he did. And my OH seems to be regressing. He forgets to take his antidepressants, since getting an xbox has stopped reading, spends 10+ hours sometimes gaming, naps because he stays up late gaming, doesn't call when he's supposed to as he was napping, and his mood has dropped since getting the xbox as he gets angry at games. He has noticed he feels angrier since getting the xbox but says it helps his mental health but also says he knows he needs to cut back and wants to do other things like painting and drawing, but when I ask did you do anything other than game he says no as "there's nothing else of note to do when he's stuck alone in his cell". He says "yes mum" when I remind him to take his antidepressants and it's infuriating. I am so torn between feeling like I just need to be patient, and worrying I'm enabling him by not being firmer. And the people around me think I've become a buffer between my OH and his parents having to face what he's done and how he really is doing, because whilst I'm around they don't have to face properly talking to him about the mess he's made because I'm doing it. It's me who has all the google requests, trying to provide mental health support, discussing his disgusting behaviours, unravelling his childhood issues. OH gets annoyed at me for telling his parents things like he forgets to take his medication or how much he's spending every week on batteries for the xbox controller, but if I don't they don't know how he's truly getting on and live in ignorance, and he gets annoyed his mum tells me how she feels because I accidentally say "she said X,Y and Z" but won't tell him her feelings to his face, and I'm just stuck in the middle of it all still 9 months later.

I need a break from everything but don't know how without hurting all their feelings and making my OH worry "She's leaving me just like I knew she would". I still haven't had any therapy and feel unable to focus on myself because I'm constantly dealing with stuff from other people. And recently I've been wondering how my OH truly views women, if he could sext that much and was desperate for attention which for half the time was sexual in nature. I recently met up with someone from his old life and found out he came onto her a decade ago and it made her so uncomfortable it almost destroyed their friendship, this is a friend he insisted to me he's never had any sexual feelings for. When I told him about it he said he completely forgot he did that and only remembered it once I had described the scenario in detail, he said the situation rings vague bells to him now and he's always wondered why she stopped speaking to him for months and months back then. Is he THAT forgetful or am I just being mugged off sometimes! How did he not put two and two together either at the time! Or does he not value any of these encounters and is so unaware of how his actions affect others he forgets them as it wasn't important to him and he didn't think anything of it so it gets forgotten. He forgets so many things, he can't remember our holidays, his childhood holidays, what he did the day before etc, the only ways he remembers is if you describe what happened with details and then he can recall the memory, so I know it's not like he strictly forgets things that are sexual or wrong, but I keep thinking what if he does have selective memory and chooses not to remember all his questionable behaviours because it's easier for himself as he can certainly remember situations from old jobs or gossip in the prison. Grrrr I just don't know anymore sorry I just really needed a rant as I'm so fed up of this situation

It does feel like no one's looking after me or how I feel. If I tell my family or friends how exhausted, hurt, angry and betrayed I feel I get told "you could leave him" or reduce contact as if it's that simple. If I don't vocally complain I get told I'm acting like what he's done hasn't made me feel that betrayed or hurt because I'm not screaming it from the rooftops, that I'm acting as a safety blanket for him and aren't letting myself face fully what he's done or how I feel about it. There's no winning. I will definitely look into those rechargeable batteries thank you!

Most of my weekends are filled with helping my other family members with their houses as they're all getting on now. I need to put my foot down and focus on me. If he wants to make the wrong choices that's his perogative, it's his choices that got us all into this in the first place. But there's no one to help otherwise as his parents don't engage with what I'm trying to tell them about their son and his behaviours. And they don't really speak to him about serious matters properly. No one's helping him in prison, I just feel like it's me and him trying to sort his head out and it's not fair or right